Rosie O’Donnell must have beat Moochelle to the local Wal-Mart and hauled off all the Bufforilla Butt drawers! Because Mooch just dropped $50k on lingerie! $50,000? Isn’t that a little extreme even for Moochelle? Maybe she was buying lingerie for Hussein Hopenchange, too. He’s been in a funk lately since his body-man Reggie Love left Barack to moisturize with another. To be fair, Newt Gingrich’s latest wife likes to run up million dollar tabs at Tiffany’s on trinkets and beads so $50,000 on drawers shouldn’t raise an eyebrow. Especially with Mooch!
The White House is denying the story but, the fact is, nobody finds this news even a little bit surprising! With her record, she probably took Air Force One to every country in Europe and beyond to make her purchases. But $50,000 for panties to cover her big ham ass? They must be charging by the yard for those granny panties these days!
Mooch apparently bought the gear at Agent Provocateur on Madison Avenue in New York. Their undies are styled on Hollywood glamour styles…like stockings and corsets and such. The fancy lingerie from Agent Provocateur comes in sizes Small, Medium, Large, Extra-Large, Extra Extra-Large and Damn! sizes. Guess where they pointed Mooch?
Hey, maybe her old drawers were getting worn out trying to contain all of that Twinkie-enhanced, ever-expanding flesh after she crams a few dozen Ho-Hos down her pie-hole every night. Or maybe her old lingerie was getting yellow in the front and brown in the back and it was time to donate them to the Goodwill for tax deductions? Or maybe she just wanted to feel sexy underneath it all. Michelle does have a history of looking sexy when representing the United States. Here she is showing up a few non-arugula eating Eurotrash first ladies at a Summit in France:
Great googly moogly! What a ham on that woman! You probably picked out Michelle in the above photo. She’s the one impersonating Sasquatch. Here’s what the Agent Provocateur undies look like (disclaimer: this is not Moochelle):
The only way that gear would be worth those big bucks is if the blonde came with them! And they still wouldn’t be worth it! Any womern who would spend thousands on lingerie certainly doesn’t understand the value of bass boats! Also, the Big Sexy’s experience is that all that over-priced lingerie just gets in the way when it’s bidness time in the bedroom/boudoir!
And here’s another piece of advice to all you womerns out there. If you look like a bufforilla, $50,000 worth of lingerie ain’t the cure! You’re just going to look like a bufforilla in stretched out fancy drawers! Getting your big Oprah-watching ass off the couch, putting down that Sara Lee frozen cheese cake and getting yourself down to the local Zumba class will do the trick…and cost thousands less! Hell, do y’all realize what $50k will buy in ammo? Answer: not nearly enough!
And if you want to look all sexical for your hombre, get on down to the Victoria’s Secret at the mall for heaven’s sake. You can pick up some sexy undies and also have money left over for a box of hollow points. We dudes do appreciate the effort to spice things up but remember, it’s not the wrapping…but the present that we’re after!
Throwing money away on stupid stuff is what the Obamas are known for! It’s what they do! Somehow, methinks the $50k didn’t come out of Moochelle’s account. Obama probably kept a few hundred thousand out of the Stimulus Bill to cover tarps and tents….and Michelle’s drawers will be categorized as such! And, just like her husband’s presidency, her squeezing into all that high priced lingerie will all be just a big-ass failure!