SF CHRISTIANS BEHEAD OCCUPIERS AFTER BIBLES ARE DESECRATED

NUNS TAKE AIM AT OCCUPY AND POOPERS!

California Christians beheaded, beat and stoned to death Occupy and Poop protesters who pelted police with Bibles after illegally entering a hotel on Friday! The protesters broke into the abandoned hotel and quickly moved to the roof of the hotel. There they assaulted police below in the street by raining down bricks and Gideon’s bibles on them. Apparently Gideon checked out, and left them no doubt to help with the Occupy and Pooper’s sweet revival.

The Occupy and Poop protesters called Friday the “Day of Action.” And a day of action they received! However, after the beheadings, stonings and beatings, Friday is now known as the Christian Spring…only in winter.

San Francisco Police Department spokesman Carlos Manfredi said:

“Once they gained access [to the hotel], some of them made it to the top of the roof and they then began to throw bibles down at the officers.

One of officers was struck with a brick to the chest and one of our lieutenants was struck in the hand with an object and may have damaged or even broken his hand.”

That was enough for the enraged Christians who heard about the Bible desecration on Christian radio and tele-evangelist shows. Christians, long known for violent reactions to any disrespect to the Bible, gathered by the thousands to defend their holy book by killing every Occupy and Pooper in the area.

Evangelical preacher Jim “Buck” Owens said:

“We will not tolerate-ah any disrespect-ah on the Bible-ah, so help me Jesus-ah! Those heathens-ah have desecrated the Holy Bible-ah and must die!”

Catholic nuns got in on the action by slapping the wrists of the Occupy protesters until their hands fell off. Several Amish wagons were seen mowing down fleeing Occupiers in their buggies and even Mormon missionaries could be seen running over Occupy and Poopers on their bicycles! Southern Baptist dance teams could be seen trampling upon Bible-throwing protesters in an All-Night Dance Fest for Jesus. Jehovah’s Witnesses have decided to exact revenge on the Occupy protesters by ringing on any survivor’s doorbells this Saturday at 6 a.m.

Council on Islamic Relations spokesperson Hari Balz said:

“We are appalled at the Christian reaction to this illustration of freedom of speech by the Occupy movement! Violence is never he answer. The Islamic nation renounces this Christian violence. After all, the Bible is only a book!”

Surviving Occupy and Poop protester Richard Smallz said:

“Man, those Christians were crazy! I saw an Occupier throw a glitter bomb at a nun and she ended up wailing on his head with her cross while muttering soft curses in Latin! I’ve been through the police riots and I even survived those black gang bangers shooting everybody in Oakland..but I ain’t never seen anyone crazier than those Christians!”

President Barack Obama has called for a Communion Wine Summit between the Occupy and Poopers and Christians to try to bring peace to the situation. He said in a prepared statement:

“Let me be perfectly clear. This is a teachable moment. The Christians acted stupidly. But Christianity is a religion of peace and one of the world’s great religions. I am confident the Occupy and Poopers and Christianity can resolve any differences…if they drink enough communion wine.”

However, Preacher Jim “Buck” Owens said:

“I look forward to that Communion Wine Summit-ah, ’cause it will give me another chance to slit some more throats of those who have sinned against Jesus-ah! Can I get an Amen-ah?!

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Posted by AWD on January 24, 2012. Filed under In The Press, Politics, Random Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry