The Obama administration, with the support of the National Association for the Advancement of Spotted Owls, has introduced a controversial program that will shoot Barred Owls because of centuries of supposed oppression of Spotted Owls. The plan is the latest federal attempt to protect the northern spotted owl from discrimination.

President Obama recently kicked off the “Spotted Owls For Obama” program. The President is confident he can utilize forest organizer skills he developed while working in the jungles of Chicago early in his career to provide services and mice to the Spotted Owl community. Spotted Owl political leader Owlahndra Jackson said:

“Whooooo do the Barred Owls think they are! For centuries, Barred Owls have enjoyed living under owl privilege when our forests were built by Spotted Owls. We were forcefully brought to this forest against our will because the Barred Owls were too lazy to do owl work and catch their own mice! We demand justice now!

We applaud President Obama defending the most vulnerable owls in the forest against the greedy, rich Barred Owls who refuse to pay their fair share! From now on, when somebody asks “Whooooo dat?,” the answer is gonna be da Spotted Owl…dat’s whoooo!”

The federal government is also setting aside millions of acres for Spotted Owls that will be off limits to Barred Owls. Spotted Owls will also be given preferential hiring in government mice-reduction plans and, oddly enough, set-aside rolls in television commercials where owl characters tell how many licks it takes to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop roll. Barred owls have long been involved in TV and film.

Owl Actors Guild President Owlexander Hooter said:

“We believe in equal treatment of all owls! But does equal treatment mean putting one species of owls ahead of the others? Whooooo would even dream of such madness? Why should one species be put on the highest branch of the tallest tree when they didn’t fly hard enough to get there on their own? We encourage the Spotted Owl population to get off their branches, spread their wings and hunt their own mice! We’re tired of being forced to give a leg of a rodent we have caught to the lazy Spotted Owls! Spotted Owls can cry “victimization” all they want but the Constitution of the United Forests of America do not guarantee every owl a mouse! It guarantees every owl the right to pursue mice!”

President Obama most likely sealed up the Spotted Owl vote for the November election when he declared March “Spotted Owl Month.” Obama said at a press conference today:

“America has long benefited from the Spotted Owl population. Whether in mice reduction or scaring off pigeons from public buildings, the Spotted Owls, like Muslim Owls, and Native American owls have played a large role in the building of America and its forests. Even illegal Beaner Owls that have entered from Mexico without having the proper owl documentation have helped America become what it is!

It hasn’t always been easy for Spotted Owls. They have not always been allowed equal access to hunting grounds. They couldn’t drink from the same creeks and lakes. And yes, they have even been attacked by the speciesist OOO, the Our Owls Only group.

It is time Spotted Owls are recognized and generations of wrongs are righted. The Barred Owls are the wealthiest 1% of forest dwellers. They live in the biggest trees. They have the most mice to eat. They lick the most Tootsie Rolls! I just want to spread some of the mice around and this program to shoot Barred Owls is perfectly logical and just. Let me make myself clear. This is a learning moment. We’re learning the Barred Owls are going to get their greedy bird asses blown away!”

National Association for the Advancement of Spotted Owls spokesperson Hootie Sharpton said:

“We Spotted Owls ain’t noways tired! Ever since the speciesist Barred Owls tried to make Rosa Wings sit on a low branch, the NAASO has been fighting for the rights of Spotted Owls! We will not let these right-wing Owl speciesist get away with this oppression. In a unified voice, we will hoot “Hey hey, whoo whoo, Barred Owls be haters and you know that’s true!”

This owl controversy follows on the recent forest disturbances between Maple and Oak trees. There was unrest in the forest, there was trouble with the trees. For the Maples wanted more sunlight and the Oaks ignored their pleas. Just as with the owl situation being solved with violence, the Equalization of Sunlight Bill solved the problem by hatchet, ax and saw. Here’s the report:

Here is the award winning performance of Barred Owl actor Terrance Owlman in the 1969 production of “How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Roll?” Brilliant acting. Just brilliant!

And here is genius contemporary Barred Owl actor Owl Pacino reprising the classic Tootsie Pop roll last year which won him a Hooter award:

Here’s the article.

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  1. When the hell is the friggin govt. gonna get the hell out of the way and let nature and progress take it’s natural course?!

    I have seen so many stories in just the last two days via Al Gore’s Amazing Internet about many items…I’ve been furious once again…and this is just another one.

    I cannot take much more…I just can’t.

    This isn’t the USA anymore…at all.

    I’m short on patience tonight…but I know all of you know exactly what I mean. ~

    Take a gander at these-


    and this never-ending heartbreak…


    finally, here’s a nutcase-deluxe for the topper just for the hell of it…talk about a destructive looney-toon we’re never going to hear about.


  2. In other news today Samuel Owl Jackson said he voted for Obama because he was Spotted and his message “didn’t mean shit to me.”

    And it’s about time Obama started acting like a “Scary Spotta” now you Barred Owls say “WHAT” one more time cause we got shotguns for this job.

  3. You just couldn’t make this stuff up.

    Everyone excited about Sheriff Joes big press conference tomorrow? Please Lord make it good!

    • Timbo…

      Yeppers…know about this as well. Anyone interested should click this link…it’s full of info about all of this as well as a way to watch live stream.


      Unfortunately…I feel the msm will ignore this tomorrow. ~

      Go Joe Go!

      Night all…catch ya tomorrow.

      • bigtimer,
        I really hope and pray that Sheriff Joe has plenty of protection, I bet there is a price on his head.

  4. Time to break out the pitchforks Big!

    I hope they come up with hard evidence that cannot be refuted. However, the cabal that put the Great Imposter in office is going to try to spike this story to the bitter end. Short of OFlimFlam admitting that he is a fake, the sham will continue. Legislation needs to be passed that would prohibit any candidate running for office from sealing their personal records except medical.

  5. Oh my lord…Andrew Breitbart has passed away at age 43…I simply cannot believe it! I have followed him from Day One when he first came on the scene.

    Prayers sent to all…we lost a warrior.

    May he rest in peace. ~ He will be missed by me.

    I just went to his website- ‘In Memoriam’


    • blue eyed devil says:

      WOW! I cant beleive it…. but what I REALLY cant believe is, that it was of “natural causes” as all the MSM is reporting. Guess we need to know the new definition of “natural causes” because 43 year olds dont suddenly die in the middle of the night of natural causes. Im guessing a heart attack.. or an assasination of sorts by powerful people he pissed off… Why no one is questioning the cause of death is alarming to me.. im just saying

      • Give it a few days…the search for the truth will begin in earnest. Conservatives cared too much for this man to let the circumstances of his death be swept under the rug. And, it may just be that the family wishes the facts to remain confidential.
        When we hear the family ask for an investigation, then we will know that the cause of death was suspicious.

  6. KennakaKeeper says:

    Not part of the subject but may I have permission to put a link to your forum on my website. It’s probably not visited as much as here but I would like to share this Great Forum with others with like thoughts.

  7. What a loss for people who believe in the truth!
    I remember watching him at CPAC and thinking he did not look well. Appeared to be wound tighter than a drum.
    R.I.P. Andrew Breitbart.

  8. Wow. Happened upon this site by accident and holy shit, everyone involved appear to be mentally touched residents of ye olde Kingdumb of Nolyfe Loser. The loudfinger conservatives who clack clack clack in stereotypical fashion typing exactly what is expected as they play their tired, boring patriotic roles and the equally challenged liberals who try and retort with barely functional witless brains. THIS is what you people do with your time? Jesus Christ.

    It’s also ironic that the image of John Goodman is utilized so frequently here when the man is well known for his “leftie” leanings and charitable work. But, like, he’s pointing a cool gun from that movie made by the two Hollywood Jews so I guess it can be overlooked.

    Now, you liberals and conservatives, get back to not making a difference or doing anything with your lives and repeat ad nauseam.

    • “Now, you liberals and conservatives, get back to not making a difference or doing anything with your lives and repeat ad nauseam” – Bore Ring

      “THIS is what you people do with your time? Jesus Christ.” – Bore Ring

      Says the BoreRing Clown with the largest word count post in this thread.

      “Wow. Happened upon this site by accident” – Bore Ring

      Thanks for stopping by, NOW GO HOME!

      • Swamp Music says:

        Don’t feed the trolls. They will eventually get ‘bored’ and go away.

        • This guy’s giving Meesh a run for his money for next week’s TOTW…

        • lol I see what u did thar Swamp.

          However I had some stale left over troll snacks, and sometimes it fun to watch them eat from my hand like little rodents.

          However, you are right it does detract from the topic at hand, sorry Folks I will try to refrain from shenanigans.

  9. Spurwing Plover says:

    Here we go again the goverment decides to kill off all those barred owls becuase their competitors and predators on the spotted owls and then have them listed under the ESA Typical of mindless buricrats

  10. Some people are protesting the killing of the owls.

  11. Fed Up Texan says:

    I figure we oughta let the owls fight it out. May the best owls win!!

    Hey BoreRing….why don’t you take your arogant liberal a$$ out on the freeway and play in the traffic? You, as a bloody spot on the front of a large truck, would look good.