AWD has long taken joy in terrorizing Newt Gingrich, the Great American RINO. Since I got home late tonight and don’t want to think, I thought it would be a great time to pull out an oldie-goldie post for any new dudes and dudettes who might have missed this last March.
Newt said in an interview last March the reasons for his cattin’ around is because he is patriotic. That has to be one of the more far-fetched explanations for getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar AWD has ever heard! I still chuckle when I hear that one! I once read that a man should never confess his infidelity…even if he is caught red-handed. Because once he confesses, he can only hope for mercy. And when has a woman ever shown mercy? So since it’s late and I’m way past thinking, here’s my take last March on Newt’s chasing of the boo-tay. I bet Callista wouldn’t show any mercy!
Newt Gingrich wants to be president! In fact, he wants it more than he wants to motorboat the bodacious ta-tas of his latest intern! Newt wants to live in the White House more than play bongos on the butt of that new sexy lobbyist! Newt definitely has shown that he is willing to say or do anything to get votes. He’s a lot like Bubba Clintoon. Hopefully, Newt’s new wife doesn’t give him cigars for Fathers Day!
Today, Newt blamed his extramarital affairs on his love of country and hard work ethic. I crap you negative! Gotta give points for originality there. He said:
“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.
“What I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn’t trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them. I found that I felt compelled to seek God’s forgiveness. Not God’s understanding, but God’s forgiveness.”
Newt then turned to third wife Callista and whispered, “think they bought it?” To which Callista replied, “not a chance!” Can anyone imagine blaming doing the nasty with something illegal on one’s love of country? Love of booze and being drunk as Ted Kennedy might have a better chance to work. Love of country? Not a chance!
The only thing Newt has worked too hard on is chasing some juicy booties of young fillies who he wasn’t married to! And to try to pawn it off as passion he felt for his country is certainly stretching things a bit. Newt goes on to speak non-sense saying he “wasn’t trapped in situation ethics.” What the hell does that mean? Actually, Newt, ethics wasn’t anywhere near you unless Ethics was a stripper down at M.R. Bigguns in Atlanta!
Newt is a pretty sorry guy, really. But, then again, he’s a politician. Newt notified his first wife of their divorce when she was recovering from cancer in the hospital. He, of course, had been ridin’ nasty with wife to be number two. Wife number two was notified of Newt’s desire for divorce from a call from Sir Bootylot on Mother’s Day. This time, he was being all patriotic with an intern 20 years his younger and current wife Callista.
Callista apparently accepts Newt’s American patriotism as the reason for their love affair. She said:
“Newt gets all patriotic and such. I mean, just me humming the National Anthem while doing the dishes gets him all revved up and panting and following me around like a little puppy dog with a big unit. I’m glad he loves his country and gets turned on at the same time. But, with his record, that gap-toothed sumbitch ain’t getting nothing but books and movies on communism from me from now on! Can’t go have him getting patriotic with another hoochie mama! I don’t want him going and putting his Dick Cheney in some intern’s George Bush while he’s married to me like he did his first two wives! So it’s a steady diet of Karl Marx for Mr. Patriotic!”
Newt, for his part, says he has now found true happiness with wife number three:
“Forget about all this political stuff. As a person, I’ve had the opportunity to have a wonderful life, to find myself now, truly enjoying the depths of my life in ways that I never dreamed it was possible to have a life that was that nice.”
“And speaking of nice, did you see the rack on that new reporter from Fox News?! I think I’m going to give her the special Newtie Pledge of Allegiance and introduce her to my ol’ Uncle Sam!”
Yes, Newt, we wish you’d forget about all this political stuff! After your record of non-compliance with the Contract With America, laying more cable than AT&T with young lovelies, making global warming commercials with Nancy Pelosi, backing RINO Dede Scozzafava in NY23 and just having the morals of a drunk Mexican, America is ready to put your wide face in the rear view mirror for good.
I must say, the “the Constitution made me do it” excuse for running around certainly wins points for originality though. My guess is after you tire of Callista, you and Bubba Clintoon can tag team the incoming DC intern crop every year! You know, teach ‘em some real patriotism!
You know? Up until now, I never realized Charlie Sheen loved his country so much!
Here’s the article.