AWD has long taken joy in terrorizing Newt Gingrich, the Great American RINO. Since I got home late tonight and don’t want to think, I thought it would be a great time to pull out an oldie-goldie post for any new dudes and dudettes who might have missed this last March.

Newt said in an interview last March the reasons for his cattin’ around is because he is patriotic. That has to be one of the more far-fetched explanations for getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar AWD has ever heard! I still chuckle when I hear that one! I once read that a man should never confess his infidelity…even if he is caught red-handed. Because once he confesses, he can only hope for mercy. And when has a woman ever shown mercy? So since it’s late and I’m way past thinking, here’s my take last March on Newt’s chasing of the boo-tay. I bet Callista wouldn’t show any mercy!

Newt Gingrich wants to be president! In fact, he wants it more than he wants to motorboat the bodacious ta-tas of his latest intern! Newt wants to live in the White House more than play bongos on the butt of that new sexy lobbyist! Newt definitely has shown that he is willing to say or do anything to get votes. He’s a lot like Bubba Clintoon. Hopefully, Newt’s new wife doesn’t give him cigars for Fathers Day!

Today, Newt blamed his extramarital affairs on his love of country and hard work ethic. I crap you negative! Gotta give points for originality there. He said:

“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.

“What I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn’t trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them. I found that I felt compelled to seek God’s forgiveness. Not God’s understanding, but God’s forgiveness.”

Newt then turned to third wife Callista and whispered, “think they bought it?” To which Callista replied, “not a chance!” Can anyone imagine blaming doing the nasty with something illegal on one’s love of country? Love of booze and being drunk as Ted Kennedy might have a better chance to work. Love of country? Not a chance!

The only thing Newt has worked too hard on is chasing some juicy booties of young fillies who he wasn’t married to! And to try to pawn it off as passion he felt for his country is certainly stretching things a bit. Newt goes on to speak non-sense saying he “wasn’t trapped in situation ethics.” What the hell does that mean? Actually, Newt, ethics wasn’t anywhere near you unless Ethics was a stripper down at M.R. Bigguns in Atlanta!

Newt is a pretty sorry guy, really. But, then again, he’s a politician. Newt notified his first wife of their divorce when she was recovering from cancer in the hospital. He, of course, had been ridin’ nasty with wife to be number two. Wife number two was notified of Newt’s desire for divorce from a call from Sir Bootylot on Mother’s Day. This time, he was being all patriotic with an intern 20 years his younger and current wife Callista.

Callista apparently accepts Newt’s American patriotism as the reason for their love affair. She said:

“Newt gets all patriotic and such. I mean, just me humming the National Anthem while doing the dishes gets him all revved up and panting and following me around like a little puppy dog with a big unit. I’m glad he loves his country and gets turned on at the same time. But, with his record, that gap-toothed sumbitch ain’t getting nothing but books and movies on communism from me from now on! Can’t go have him getting patriotic with another hoochie mama! I don’t want him going and putting his Dick Cheney in some intern’s George Bush while he’s married to me like he did his first two wives! So it’s a steady diet of Karl Marx for Mr. Patriotic!”

Newt, for his part, says he has now found true happiness with wife number three:

“Forget about all this political stuff. As a person, I’ve had the opportunity to have a wonderful life, to find myself now, truly enjoying the depths of my life in ways that I never dreamed it was possible to have a life that was that nice.”

“And speaking of nice, did you see the rack on that new reporter from Fox News?! I think I’m going to give her the special Newtie Pledge of Allegiance and introduce her to my ol’ Uncle Sam!”

Yes, Newt, we wish you’d forget about all this political stuff! After your record of non-compliance with the Contract With America, laying more cable than AT&T with young lovelies, making global warming commercials with Nancy Pelosi, backing RINO Dede Scozzafava in NY23 and just having the morals of a drunk Mexican, America is ready to put your wide face in the rear view mirror for good.

I must say, the “the Constitution made me do it” excuse for running around certainly wins points for originality though. My guess is after you tire of Callista, you and Bubba Clintoon can tag team the incoming DC intern crop every year! You know, teach ‘em some real patriotism!

You know? Up until now, I never realized Charlie Sheen loved his country so much!

Here’s the article.

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  1. You know its really too bad that Mitt is such a narcissistic panderer. He really would be the best to debate Hussein, but not the best in office. I really am not happy with the three stooges the Republican machine has given us to choose from. Newt is smart, but not too smart to see that he is addicted to Washington DC and all the attention and power it gives you. He claims he is not an establishment Republican, only because he has burned bridges can he atttempt to say that.
    I think Calista is an android robot that Newt constructed in his basement.
    God help us

  2. He has terrible political instincts, a bookish nutball. Always a goofy character, Newt tried to buy off his enemies by paying a $300,000 fine for a supposed minor ethics violation, for which he was cleared. On that one he was innocent yet admitted guilt – weird, man. He only encouraged them to put more heat on him. Never give in to the creeps. Only a fool would have done such a thing, giving his enemies a weapon to use against him, which they still do today. He wanted statehood for Puerto Rico, maybe the only Repub in America to want it.Most there don’t speak English – just what America needs. Remember Rep. J.C. Watts calling Sharpton and Jackson “poverty pimps” years back? – funny and a great description. Afraid of losing the black vote (?) Speaker Newt called Jesse Jerkson on the phone the next day to apologize for J.C.’s words. The guy is a total goofball – smart but clueless, a flake, stupid moves constantly. He tried to sell the Republican Party to black folks – a waste of time. He also wanted to expand our role in fighting winless wars in foreign hellholes, such as Iran. His military background : zippo. Newt quit Congress suddenly, just after being reelected. Now he wants to go right to the top. I’m surprised he’s as popular as he is, given his bizarre track record. Newt tried to destroy Ron Paul’s return to the House in 1996 but Ron won anyway. Newt quit Congress a couple of years later. People still tell me how brilliant he is. He still tries to make liberals like him but he’s not likable, even to liberals. In 1994 I had high hopes for Newt but he melted down quickly. Some still buy his nonsense. My neighbor across the street still has a Newt 2012 sign in his yard. Amazing. I admit – I voted for Ron Paul again in the Georgia primary. Maybe I can get a recount!

  3. Jimminy Crickets, Just cause a guy likes the bootay.. no need to call him “the great American rino”. I mean shiot, I would 1st in line to vote for the Palin-Limbaugh Yeah that’s the ticket. Gee awd, if ole Flip floppin’ Newt is a great rino Who dafuk am I supposed to vote 4?.

  4. I know it is not right to say, but those eyes!!!!

  5. Ya gotta love this. ~

    Gee…really? That’s exactly how most people feel that has a brain that works.

  6. Here’s some booty and what teachers are dealing with all over the U S

    Crazy Chick from FAU has an Opinion (with Subtitles)!

  7. Off topic…but does anyone remember the story I put here about the Sackett ordeal?

    Well good news folks – They WON in the SCOTUS today! 9-0!

    If the chance and time for me comes I may post about this in the next day or two. ~

    • Paul Bonnichsen says:


      Don’t remember the original post, but thanks for the update… kudos to the Sacketts. Once again we see that government is out of control, and to think many in this country want to see socialist Obummer serve a second term.

  8. You can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write.
    The arena hopes for even more passionate writers such as you
    who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.

  9. God Almighty, that woman Callista would frighten the horses. Is she made entirely of plastic? Or is it just from the neck up?