Well, lookie here! Ol’ Bathtub Boy is looking for work. Again. Guess he can’t get it through that big square head that there’s not a real need for an obnoxious, ignorant, socialist a@@hole. MSNBC’s full up over there. Plus, Bathtub Boy has worn out his welcome everywhere he’s worked. And I really thought it would have worked out for him at Fred’s Internet News!

"CORPORATE GREED IS KILLING PORK BELLY PRICES!"

"CORPORATE GREED IS KILLING PORK BELLY PRICES!"

After being successively fired from ESPN, MSNBC and today Al Gore’s laughable Current TV, Keith Olbermann has announced a new contract with Fred’s Internet News. Fred’s Internet News is a new internet news site that has specialized in agriculture and livestock prices in Kansas. While details of the contract were vague, it is widely believed Olbermann is to receive minimum wage while on the air from 2 am to 2:30 am but will be able to sleep in the back of Fred’s camper truck out back.

Broadcast from Fred’s trailer from Hogbutt, Kansas, Fred’s Internet News has averaged 27 viewers per day since beginning service in January, 2012 by covering farm prices and the occasional tornado warning. Still, Fred’s Internet News has raced past MSNBC and CNN in the ratings. After signing the once-important anchor, Fred said:

“Me and Mavis is tickled pink to have Keith Olbermann on Fred’s Internet News program! We was only intendin’ originally to report hog and corn prices over the internet wire but when we heard Keith Olbermann was out of a job, we thought “what the hell?” We don’t get none of them city fellers out here in Hog Butt…much less them there metrosexules with them there goofy looking square glasses…so Mavis and me thought we’d embrace us a little diversity, as they say, and hire us ol’ Keith! We got him for such a good price and all I had to do was clean out a few old tarps out of my old camper so he’d have somewhere to sleep.”

Fred’s wife Mavis also weighed in on the former celebrity:

“Fred’s been as crazy as a sh*t-house rat ever since he got that AOL CD in the mail a few weeks ago. Since he discovered that so-called information superhighway, all he can do is sit his fat ass in front of that damn computer talking about hog prices! Now he’s gone plumb crazy and hired ol’ Keith Olbermann who promised Fred he’d bring in millions of viewers with all this talk about teabaggers and limbic brain regions and whatnot. Frankly, I think Keith is full of sh*t and the boy cain’t seem to hold onto a job. Bless his heart.”

Olbermann’s old friends are shocked at how far Keith has fallen. An unnamed former co-worker at MSNBC said, “When Al Gore’s Current TV won’t have you, you’re not long for under the bridge!” Former Olbermann frequent guest and friend Janeane Garofalo told reporters:

“This is racism, straight up! You can bet teabaggers and the Koch brothers are behind Keith’s tremendous fall from significance. He had hundreds of regular viewers when he was at MSNBC! But he also had a few dozen at Current! Current TV has never expanded its viewer footprint while calling for their viewers to reduce their carbon footprint. But getting fired by Al Gore looks pretty bad! And now I hear Keith is going to be broadcasting hog prices or something from the back of a pickup truck in Kansas? I don’t even know what Kansas is!”

Keith Olbermann is excited about his new gig at Fred’s Internet News. He said in a prepared statement:

“After considering offers from The Hubcap Channel and the Amish Fashion Channel, I decided Fred’s Internet News is the future of news and the right place for me! I’m not quite sure where Kansas is but I think it’s in the United States…maybe somewhere close to the middle? But I’m glad I can further my career of exposing right-wing extremism and racism of the Tea Party movement when I’m not reporting on pork belly and soybean prices. This is just the next adventure in store for Keith Olbermann.”

Yes Keith, what a long, strange trip it’s been for you….all the way to Hogbutt! And to go with your new job, here’s also a big, fat Angry White Dude Libtard of the Week award!

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18 Comments

  1. Kansas Gun Girl says:

    Hold on there! We don’t want him in Kansas!

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    • 79firebirdman says:

      Better Kansas that Tennessee! :-p We don’t want him here either. We’d be glad if al gore would grace us with his complete departure as well.

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      • You folks are sharp, as usual. I always tell people that Ozone Al the Gaffe Man Gore carried his hometown – D.C. After all, Al (whose favorite president was “James Knox” – remember that ?) was born and raised in D.C. (District of Corruption), grew up in a hotel there (owned by his cousin while pop was in the Senate) and moved to Tennessee to further his political career, after going to Harvard and turning left. Of course he lost Tennessee and the election in 2000. Solidly Demo West Virginia would’ve put Gore over the top, even without Florida. West Virginia went for Dukakis in 1988, one of only 10 states he carried. Five electoral votes from cinch Democrat West Virginia would’ve sent Al back to D.C. as pres. Al declined to campaign in the Mountain State (it’s in the bag!) and lost it and the election. Since then, West Virginia has voted for Repub presidential candidates. Make that four in a row this year – it really IS in the bag.

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  2. Hilarious, hilarious and hilarious!

    I had to wait a few minutes to stop laughing while reading this and afterwards as well before I could post my reply.

    I read some about poor ol’ Bath-Tub Boy and his rubber ducky losing another job today…but nobody could’ve put it as brilliantly comedic as you have AWD…priceless!

    Thank you, needed the laughter at the end of a long day.

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  3. Well golly gee……and….blow me down…..glad to see bathtub boy got himself a job…and got his ass off the public dole…..thought he would be mooch’n off of society for some time to come collecting a welfare check, getting a personalized Obongo-phone, and spending EBT bucks…….

    Good for you “”bathtub boy”” your well on your way to self sufficiency….

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  4. AWD
    He’s cleaning out hog parlors at minimum wage and all he can eat.

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  5. CNN founder Ted Turner Says It’s ‘Good’ More U.S. Soldiers Committing Suicide Than Dying In Combat

    Read more: http://newsbusters.org/blogs/m.....z2AN3IBBHn

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  6. Good for Keith. Reporting on pork belly futures might bring him down to Earth, or send him back into outer space where he came from. At what point do these people become irrelevant?

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  7. Dude you ran this one a few months ago. Still funny though. “Bless his little heart,I’m gonna add him to my prayer list.” Yeah that the scales fall OFF HIS EYES so that he’s sees Obama is NOT the messiah.

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  8. RedStaterNYC says:

    Dude, I’m calling for Ohio. Wait, wrong post.

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  9. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    The NEW YORK SLIMES needs to go the way of the dinasour just like NEWSREEK recently did

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  10. Chris “Tingles” and Rachel “Madcow” should follow the same path as well.

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  11. Somebody give this poor loser a job! I LOVED the line about the “Amish Fashion Channel.”

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  12. He should work for Ted Turner. Two complete a holes.

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