Well, lookie here! Ol’ Bathtub Boy is looking for work. Again. Guess he can’t get it through that big square head that there’s not a real need for an obnoxious, ignorant, socialist a@@hole. MSNBC’s full up over there. Plus, Bathtub Boy has worn out his welcome everywhere he’s worked. And I really thought it would have worked out for him at Fred’s Internet News!
After being successively fired from ESPN, MSNBC and today Al Gore’s laughable Current TV, Keith Olbermann has announced a new contract with Fred’s Internet News. Fred’s Internet News is a new internet news site that has specialized in agriculture and livestock prices in Kansas. While details of the contract were vague, it is widely believed Olbermann is to receive minimum wage while on the air from 2 am to 2:30 am but will be able to sleep in the back of Fred’s camper truck out back.
Broadcast from Fred’s trailer from Hogbutt, Kansas, Fred’s Internet News has averaged 27 viewers per day since beginning service in January, 2012 by covering farm prices and the occasional tornado warning. Still, Fred’s Internet News has raced past MSNBC and CNN in the ratings. After signing the once-important anchor, Fred said:
“Me and Mavis is tickled pink to have Keith Olbermann on Fred’s Internet News program! We was only intendin’ originally to report hog and corn prices over the internet wire but when we heard Keith Olbermann was out of a job, we thought “what the hell?” We don’t get none of them city fellers out here in Hog Butt…much less them there metrosexules with them there goofy looking square glasses…so Mavis and me thought we’d embrace us a little diversity, as they say, and hire us ol’ Keith! We got him for such a good price and all I had to do was clean out a few old tarps out of my old camper so he’d have somewhere to sleep.”
Fred’s wife Mavis also weighed in on the former celebrity:
“Fred’s been as crazy as a sh*t-house rat ever since he got that AOL CD in the mail a few weeks ago. Since he discovered that so-called information superhighway, all he can do is sit his fat ass in front of that damn computer talking about hog prices! Now he’s gone plumb crazy and hired ol’ Keith Olbermann who promised Fred he’d bring in millions of viewers with all this talk about teabaggers and limbic brain regions and whatnot. Frankly, I think Keith is full of sh*t and the boy cain’t seem to hold onto a job. Bless his heart.”
Olbermann’s old friends are shocked at how far Keith has fallen. An unnamed former co-worker at MSNBC said, “When Al Gore’s Current TV won’t have you, you’re not long for under the bridge!” Former Olbermann frequent guest and friend Janeane Garofalo told reporters:
“This is racism, straight up! You can bet teabaggers and the Koch brothers are behind Keith’s tremendous fall from significance. He had hundreds of regular viewers when he was at MSNBC! But he also had a few dozen at Current! Current TV has never expanded its viewer footprint while calling for their viewers to reduce their carbon footprint. But getting fired by Al Gore looks pretty bad! And now I hear Keith is going to be broadcasting hog prices or something from the back of a pickup truck in Kansas? I don’t even know what Kansas is!”
Keith Olbermann is excited about his new gig at Fred’s Internet News. He said in a prepared statement:
“After considering offers from The Hubcap Channel and the Amish Fashion Channel, I decided Fred’s Internet News is the future of news and the right place for me! I’m not quite sure where Kansas is but I think it’s in the United States…maybe somewhere close to the middle? But I’m glad I can further my career of exposing right-wing extremism and racism of the Tea Party movement when I’m not reporting on pork belly and soybean prices. This is just the next adventure in store for Keith Olbermann.”
Yes Keith, what a long, strange trip it’s been for you….all the way to Hogbutt! And to go with your new job, here’s also a big, fat Angry White Dude Libtard of the Week award!