Christmas means a lot of different things to a lot of people. It’s a time where Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus. I’m talking Jesus of Nazereth, not Jesus the grass cutter from Juarez! Others find it a time to reflect on the past year and be grateful for their accomplishments. Yet others may prefer to spend time with family and friends relaxing. Jewish people celebrate Hannukah..whatever the hell that is. Muslims enjoy blowing up as many people as they can. Just like every other day of the year.
AWD doesn’t pay much attention to Christmas until it arrives. I mean really arrives. Like in December 25th. Not when stores want you to think it arrives….which is pretty much after the 4th of July. Not that I’m a Scrooge, AWD likes to clasp his loved ones to his bosom and relax. But Christmas is for kids. And mine are pretty much spread out all over the place this year so its not going to not be the same. So I’ll have to find some other Christmasy things to do. Maybe hog hunting.
One damn tradition that AWD will not participate in is the donning of gay apparel. I don’t even think I have any clothing that could be considered gay! Most of what I have is camo. Leave the donning of the gay stuff to those sensitive guys in Nueva Jork and San Francisco….and Austin who like to look at pillows up close. As with other things, too…if you know what I mean. I’m thinking Barney Fwank.
Check this budding young, sensitive Democrat out:
Here’s a few more libtarded fellows discussing latest Tampon techniques at their company Christmas party. I think they work at Hobby Lobby in the decoupage section:
Here’s definitely some poofters donning some serious gay apparel! They’re wearing wife beaters hoping they can be the wife! I’m sure they were successful. Lots of moisturizing going on around these gay fellows!
I think this guy is a reporter on CBS. So he’s more than happy to don him some gay apparel:
And here’s a guy who never has to worry about what to say after sex:
No, AWD will not participate in that traditional liberal donning of gay apparel. Unless you call RealTree camo gay. In which case you will probably be end up as hog bait where AWD comes from!
Since I’m bitching about all stuff that bothers me about Christmas, I’m going to give you one more. AWD does not like Christmas music! In fact, I just about hate it! I did a scientific study a few years ago and found that there are only 7 different Christmas songs in existence. And each of those seven has been recorded 1.3 million times by various artists. And from the 4th of July to New Years Day, you will hear every one of those seven songs recorded 1.3 million times! That’s a true scientific discovery. Here’s my scientific theory equation for peer review:
7 Christmas songs X 1.3 million recordings each X 6 months of the year = Drives me @#&*ing crazy!
I know that all those sophisticated calculations are probably over the heads of a lot of y’all. Just take it from AWD that Christmas music suckos el grande uno. I’m a scientist, man.
So I’m going to play the only Christmas songs I like. They’re really not Christmas songs at all…which is why I like them.
Here’s Tom Waits singing “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis.” What could be more Christmasy than getting a Christmas card from a Hooker?
Here’s the other. It’s the Charlie Brown Christmas instrumental. Kind of has a sentimental/melancholy sound to it. Almost makes me want to don me now some gay apparel. Almost.
Feel free to send AWD photos of yourself donning gay apparel. It would help us all draw together in the spirit of Christmas if I posted them for the world to see!