Christmas means a lot of different things to a lot of people. It’s a time where Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus. I’m talking Jesus of Nazereth, not Jesus the grass cutter from Juarez! Others find it a time to reflect on the past year and be grateful for their accomplishments. Yet others may prefer to spend time with family and friends relaxing. Jewish people celebrate Hannukah..whatever the hell that is. Muslims enjoy blowing up as many people as they can. Just like every other day of the year.

AWD doesn’t pay much attention to Christmas until it arrives. I mean really arrives. Like in December 25th. Not when stores want you to think it arrives….which is pretty much after the 4th of July. Not that I’m a Scrooge, AWD likes to clasp his loved ones to his bosom and relax. But Christmas is for kids. And mine are pretty much spread out all over the place this year so its not going to not be the same. So I’ll have to find some other Christmasy things to do. Maybe hog hunting.

One damn tradition that AWD will not participate in is the donning of gay apparel. I don’t even think I have any clothing that could be considered gay! Most of what I have is camo. Leave the donning of the gay stuff to those sensitive guys in Nueva Jork and San Francisco….and Austin who like to look at pillows up close. As with other things, too…if you know what I mean. I’m thinking Barney Fwank.

Check this budding young, sensitive Democrat out:

Here’s a few more libtarded fellows discussing latest Tampon techniques at their company Christmas party. I think they work at Hobby Lobby in the decoupage section:

Here’s definitely some poofters donning some serious gay apparel! They’re wearing wife beaters hoping they can be the wife! I’m sure they were successful. Lots of moisturizing going on around these gay fellows!

I think this guy is a reporter on CBS. So he’s more than happy to don him some gay apparel:

And here’s a guy who never has to worry about what to say after sex:

No, AWD will not participate in that traditional liberal donning of gay apparel. Unless you call RealTree camo gay. In which case you will probably be end up as hog bait where AWD comes from!

Since I’m bitching about all stuff that bothers me about Christmas, I’m going to give you one more. AWD does not like Christmas music! In fact, I just about hate it! I did a scientific study a few years ago and found that there are only 7 different Christmas songs in existence. And each of those seven has been recorded 1.3 million times by various artists. And from the 4th of July to New Years Day, you will hear every one of those seven songs recorded 1.3 million times! That’s a true scientific discovery. Here’s my scientific theory equation for peer review:

7 Christmas songs X 1.3 million recordings each X 6 months of the year = Drives me @#&*ing crazy!

I know that all those sophisticated calculations are probably over the heads of a lot of y’all. Just take it from AWD that Christmas music suckos el grande uno. I’m a scientist, man.

So I’m going to play the only Christmas songs I like. They’re really not Christmas songs at all…which is why I like them.

Here’s Tom Waits singing “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis.” What could be more Christmasy than getting a Christmas card from a Hooker?

Here’s the other. It’s the Charlie Brown Christmas instrumental. Kind of has a sentimental/melancholy sound to it. Almost makes me want to don me now some gay apparel. Almost.

Feel free to send AWD photos of yourself donning gay apparel. It would help us all draw together in the spirit of Christmas if I posted them for the world to see!

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  1. You’re hysterically crazy…you have no idea how much I’m laughing Big Sexy. – Thanks for that at the end of a hang-over day…much appreciated.


    Lets see these clowns walk around wearing those and attracks a dellerious reindeer

  3. No chance in H.E.Double Hockey sticks.

  4. Well, he says he is a scientist so he cannot be wrong. Because, you know, science.

  5. Why is Don always wearing the gay apparel?

  6. What? No ugliest Christmas sweater contest at work? Say it aint so…

    • Lol…I saw a few very ugly ones in the blog post…most people wouldn’t be caught dead in any of them.

      Gotta run…we’re having major snow storm…powers flicking on off, may not be back for awhile if she goes out…dang it all anyway!

  7. Daytona Matt says:

    Thanks AWD! Damn near literally choked! That’s what I get for eating in a recliner. This ones going to be a favorite! You Kick Ass bro!

  8. You need a good dose of Robert Earl Kene.;rel=0

  9. cranky.white.woman says:

    My daughter recently went to an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” party. As the name implies, each guest was expected to wear the ugliest Christmas-themed sweater they could get their mitts on. The photos you have here look like the photos she took at the party…except the people at her party were all better looking than the guys in your photos.

  10. I don’t have any sweaters, Christmas type or not. The only thing I ever ‘donned’ was an SCBA, thats self contained breathing apparatus for interior firefighting. Ain’t nothin’ gay about that I’ll tell ya.

    I like the Christmas music though, as long as it’s the old traditional stuff. Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Tony Bennett and the rest.

    • MichaelT
      I like that Christmas song by that Mexican where he sings “Police got my car..Police got my car” and there’s one other I like, I admit to being very hard of hearing but I think they are singing “Walking round in women’s underwear”.

  11. What’s up, AWD?! The old man in picture #5 appeared on the VH1 special UNDATABLE: 100 THINGS THAT GUYS DO THAT GUARANTEE THEY WON’T BE DATING OR HAVING SEX. You are right. Any man that wears this holiday crap might as well be gay because no woman will ever touch him. LOL!

  12. I was in Arlington this week for the Cowboys game, I was 8 rows fromt the front. The only gay apparel I saw were those steeler jerseys and them yellow snot rags they like to twirl around.

  13. AmericaBeautiful says:

    Merry Christmas, without donning Anything, to the Big Sexy.
    I laughed so hard at this post.
    Thanks for lifting our Newtown-blasted spirits, AWD, and may God bless You and your Family.
    You da Best.

  14. There once was a time when gay meant happy. Now it defines some pole smoking sexual deviate. My how times have changed….for the worse! And now its offensive to the PC police to even call it Christmas anymore. Its happy holidays. Holidays my ass! Its Christmas! And it always will be! Merry Christmas to all on this site…AWD rocks!


    How about the elf ahts with the pointy ears?

    • Spurwing, no, no elf ears either! Merry Christmas!


      • Hey Prez Duderino…

        Merry Christmas to you and yours as well.

        BTW…We’ve been having major storms in our neck of the woods for about a week now…especially the last three or four days. Our power has went out seven times now since yesterday afternoon until just a bit ago…I fear it’s going to go out for a long time pretty soon. Sure hope I get a post I’ve saved put on the site before she does. 😉

  16. I hate Charlie Brown. So I hate that song.

  17. Forget the apparel, let’s have a bit of Adeste

  18. Off Topic
    I gather Obama has just announced John Kerry for Sec of State.

  19. Wow, y’all are a grumpy bunch! Bah Humbug right back atcha!

    That 2nd picture down looks like Vin Diesel. Please tell me that’s NOT Vin Diesel.

    Well, I love Christmas and the music that goes with it, so I will wish you all a very Merry Christmas and to all a good night!

  20. simply amazed says:

    11,014 thumbs up!

  21. Damn AWD,

    Just threw out the red sweater, sweat pants and tennis shoes – my goal for 2013… keep off that possibly gay list. Btw… I killed the cat while wearing my AWD T-shirt.