AWD was just kicked back in the Captain’s chair perusing the interweb net when it occurred to me that the world is going to end this Friday. Dayum! That sure snuck up on me. I was going to change the oil.
I started thinking about all the things I didn’t get the chance to do. Like run a marathon or become an expert calligrapher. Or take that course on decorating. You know…Feng Shui, man. Of course, y’all know I’m sh*tting you. AWD wouldn’t run to get out of the way of a train. And the only thing I know about decorating is army cots, ammo boxes and Hooters calendars will tie any room together nicely. When it comes to decorating my crib, AWD ain’t going to listen to a bunch of mini-van-crashing Chinese varmints!
What I’m wondering about is should I shave tomorrow and Thursday? I mean, I’m pretty sure Friday is the day but I can’t be really sure. I hate to go out looking like George Michael. Or, worse yet, not going out and still looking like George Michael! I hate shaving and normally don’t on the weekends unless I’m going to see my parole officer. One damn thing I do know is AWD is paying no bills before Saturday! Evil 1%’er corporations! THAT’S RIGHT! SUCK ON THAT AT&T, YOU BASTIDS! I could have bought a iHouse for what I pay for them damn iPhones every month! And I am happy to inform you I exceeded my data plan this month, too! BWAHAHAHAHA!
It’s kind of weird thinking Friday is the big day. Regrets? I’ve had a few. But, then again, too damn few to mention. I like to think I have lived a funky life and have been more free than most. I have laughed a lot, cried a little, done some sh*t that would turn you white, but pretty much lived a regular, good, conservative life. My kids are the world’s best and I love their guts. I guess I regret not finding the little filly until I was a little longer in the tooth.
Being supa-sexy and having a monster-sized unit has not always been as easy as you might think. But I’ve learned to deal with it.
So what are your plans for Friday? Are you going to shave? Ladies, don’t answer that. I hope you’re not going to spend your last hour watching The View. I would recommend more wholesome activities like a Chuck Norris marathon and listening to Kiss Alive.