YOU'RE SH*TTING ME!

Iran has shown the world the superiority of Iranian technology…by releasing photos of a submarine from the new Iranian Deathtrap Class. It is based on the American civil war Monitor/Merrimac submarine class of 1861. Even worse, they painted the submarine a gay color of turquoise. The firing control system is rumored to operate on the Atari game system of 1980. The Iranians are reportedly going to use the submarine to spy on Americans in their swimming pools and defeat their children in the game of Donkey Kong.

Iranian Navy Commander Habibollah Sayyari is proud of his little underwater coffin:

Thanks to the Islamic Revolution, Iran has acquired the know-how to build submarines. No one believed that we would reach a point where we would build destroyers capable of carrying helicopters and missiles in the Sea of Oman and oceans … because it’s a very difficult task to build destroyers and submarines.

You’re right, Habi! Nobody believed the Iranians because it’s hard to build destroyers and subs. Yes, it’s very hard. Hell, America has only been doing it for 100 years! Subway sandwiches has built better subs than the Iranians! During sea trials, the Iranian sub was accidentally humped by a gay whale. Several times!

AWD must say, this submarine photo makes me feel much better about Israel’s chances against the Iranian military! The Confederacy was building subs with more technology than this 150 years ago! Hell, my F-150 is bigger than that piece of sh*t! My grill has a propane tank bigger than that Iranian sub!

I have to laugh if those Muslim tards think that thing will last more than a few seconds against the US Navy and all its advanced firepower. Hell, the Big Sexy could sink that thing with the firepower I carry on my person! Last time I saw a sub that small, I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sandals at DisneyWorld looking at a reef with a bunch of yankee tourists!

One thing you have to give Muslims is they know how to talk trash. Remember the “Mother of all wars?” Yeah, me neither! The Israelis have to be laughing themselves silly.

Commander Sayyari continued:

“Since the beginning of the Islamic Revolution, we have learned not to ask for help from other countries and stand on our own feet in meeting our demands.”

No sh*t! I bet old Sayyari won’t be crawling onto the Barbie Submarine any time soon! The gay, Iranian submarine was constructed at the Boy George Shipyards in Tehran.

The only thing the Iranian sub can be used for is a suicide sub. Unfortunately, the US Navy will blow it to the moon from Norfolk before the Iranian captain has a chance to put on his suicide belt.

Those crazy Iranians! And Ahmadinejad says Iran has no gays!

AWD is dedicating this video to the gay, soon-to-be-fish-food Iranian navy:

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38 Comments

  1. Whats that cable hanging off the port bow? Shore power? That thing looks like one of those things the drug lords use to smuggle dope.

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  2. That sub will last about 5 minutes once hostilities ensue.

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    • Quartier LeBlanc says:

      Don’t laugh, it’s a Ghadir class boat, a midget designed for littorial warfare. It’s an ambush boat and it’s not supposed to survive. It is armed with a Iranian copy of the a supercavitating torpedo. It’s mission is to get close enough to put one to two into the side of a major naval asset. The Iranians have a bunch of them and they’re expendables.

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      • Don’t fret, one of Obama’s gay dolphins will sniff it out.

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        • Quartier LeBlanc says:

          Ed those things are really a threat. In addition the Iranians have some of the Russian Sunburn antiship missiles that are designed to take out carriers.

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      • TiminKuwait says:

        Ok, I know a little about submarines and torpedos. I was on 3 boats and one was the main test platform for the MK48 AdCap. Looking at the length of that little boat, I question if they even have the capacity for a SQUAL if they really exist. And a supposed Iranian version of one??? The Russian versions are useless. I doubt Iran could build one any better. Another thing is navigation. If they are supposed to be a stealth, close-approach vessel, how exactly do they navigate? Where is the sonar dome and what type do they have? Remember, they have to have a power plant in there too somewhere. That leaves very little room for torpedo tubes.

        If I were a betting man, they are really a suicide device which has a warhead on the boat. The crew of 3 are not coming home IF, and that is a big IF, they can even get close to their target!!

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        • Quartier LeBlanc says:

          The tubes are external. They follow another vessel who puts them where they want them and they act like mobile captor mines with a crew. They just sit on the bottom and wait.

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          • TiminKuwait says:

            That could be. Below waterline. Either way, I think this is an expendable boat and an expendable crew.

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          • Quartier LeBlanc says:

            That’s exactly what they are. The Iranians would give up three or four just to bag a new Virginia class boat.

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  3. “they painted the submarine a gay color of turquoise”

    But you don’t know what the paint is made of, or what its qualities/abilities are. 😉

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  4. Spurwing Plover says:

    So far no whinning from liberal snivlers whinning becuase their nation is spending money on weapons instead of the homeless like those jerks from FOOD NOT BOMBS were always doing

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  5. I for one don’t want to take a chance…….we need to surrender immediately…….

    The Iranian navy strikes fear into my heart……they’re so mean…..and formidable…….

    Iranian technical expertise can only be out-done by their allies, the Klingons………so we should surrender now before the Iranians hook up with the Klingons and we are all wiped out………

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  6. Lol! Too good AWD. My wife kept looking at me funny whenever I would bust out laughing.

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  7. Quartier LeBlanc says:

    Like I said, don’t laugh. The Australians handed the USN their butt in wargames designed to simulate littorial warfare a few years ago.

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    • RedStaterNYC says:

      My gut says you’re on the mark here, Quartier–but I’m completely ignorant of this stuff so I have nothing really to argue, one way or another. It does remind me, though, of the anti-carrier missiles China developed. From what I understood of that, it wasn’t so much that they presented a genuine threat of destroying carriers, but that they’d stymy the strategic advantage of those carriers because it would force them to be constantly maneuvering out of harm’s way instead of doing what they were deployed to do–i.e., launching aircraft. Seems like there might be an analogous situation here.

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  8. Used, low miles and oly scuttled on e by the French! Good news is the got the optional screen door, minaret locating device for prayers and a free ginsu knife set!

    Dirka-dirka!

    Blistered, lost at sea!

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  9. While I appreciate satire AWD, this is far more dangerous than you give them credit for.
    It is a Korean Yono or Iranian Gahdir class sub. (And yes, it does set the old Gay’dar pinging…)
    The Persian Gulf only averages somewhere around ninty feet in depth.
    One or two tankers sunk in the Persian Gulf by these things could shut down a major oil trade route for many months up to several YEARS, not to mention what could happen if one were able to slip into the Suez and score a hit on any kind of ship (or even itself) -blocking an even bigger artery for the same ammount of time.
    The heterosexually challenged paint scheme is more likely for shallow water operations in tropical or semi-tropical waters with moderate to heavy air surveillance -again, pointing to the P. Gulf or Suez. Obviously this is a diesel electric boat, and will be most vulnerable when schnorkeling its diesels but nearly silent under electric operation.
    A throwaway boat, as Quartier suggested -but a potentially dangerous one, particularly depending on what munitions the Chinese sold them through their N.Korean cutouts.

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  10. Hilarious article. AWD’s sarcasm cracks me up. I love how America is scared of these imbeciles! Why don’t we just spend our military funds on the Mexican border and securing our coastlines, reduce the payments to the average American welfare queen, and give it all back to the tax payers for productive use?

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  11. That blue piece of Sh*t is little more than a Pop Corn Fart in the ocean. Our military could put one .50 cal. armor piercing round in it and Poof its gone. Anyone afraid of this needs to have their head examined for leakage.

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  12. AWD………….A BIT OFF TOPIC
    NEWS BLACKOUT X 2
    AND A.P. NEWS SERVICE NOW WONT USE WORD ‘ISLAMOPHOBIC’

    Muslim bombs Arizona Social Security office with IED, media blackout ensues
    By Robert on December 2, 2012 5:37 PM | 17 Comments

    All too typical. “UPDATED: Iraqi refugee arrested for bombing Arizona Social Security office with IED, media silence ensues,” by Patrick Poole at PJ Media, December 2:

    UPDATED (8:25p EDT): I just spoke again with my contact in the FBI Phoenix field office (who is not authorized to speak on behalf of the FBI office) that it is highly unlikely that Aldosary will be charged with any terrorism offense. While they are internally treating it like a domestic terrorism investigation, including looking at if he had any help constructing the explosive device, the FBI is saying very little and and will prosecute this as a simple explosives and arson case because of “the political sensitivities involved”.

    Original Post: The typically quiet town of Casa Grande, Arizona was rocked by an explosion at the local Social Security Administration office early Friday morning by what appears to an improvised explosive device (IED). No one was hurt in the explosion, which occurred shortly before the office was scheduled to open. The explosion was reportedly heard and felt all over the area.

    While the little town of Casa Grande and the nearby Phoenix area is talking about the incident, virtually no one else is. In fact, the only reason I was following the story is because I’m presently in the area and saw the initial reports on the explosion and continued to look into it .

    Within 90 minutes of the explosion police had a suspect in custody. But you wouldn’t know it from reading the establishment media reports this past weekend. One reason might be the suspect is 47 year-old Abdullatif Aldosary of Coolidge, AZ, an Iraqi refugee.

    On Friday, federal agents served a search warrant on his home. Aldosary has been on the radar of the Department of Homeland Security for at least the past couple of years.

    Late Sunday afternoon, I confirmed with a source at the Phoenix FBI office that the case is being investigated as an act of domestic terrorism. The source said that Aldosary is expected to be charged with a host of federal and state explosives and arson charges. (See update above.)

    On Saturday, the Casa Grande Dispatch reported:

    An explosive device was detonated Friday morning by the back door of the U.S. Social Security Administration office, shaking downtown Casa Grande, but no one was injured.

    Federal agents, including those of the FBI, rushed to the scene. The FBI would not confirm whether anyone was in custody, but the Casa Grande Dispatch learned that a Coolidge resident, Abdullatif A. Aldosary, 47, was being questioned. The investigation involved agents’ going to his home at 4732 W. Lemon Ave., on the west side of Coolidge

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  13. A classic! Once again a hilarious post Dude.

    And, pretty scary picture painted by True Blue and the french guy!
    Suicide subs – right up their alley.

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  14. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    DEPTH CHARGE IT. How about a fabulous sub like from VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA could blow that right out of the water

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  15. Louisiana Steve says:

    Actually, it’s a suicide torpedo manned by future martyrs for Allah.

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  16. RedStaterNYC says:

    PS, I don’t think that’s turquoise–I believe it’s…TEAL!
    http://hotair.com/archives/201.....with-teal/

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  17. It’s their best accomplishment since the bomb belt.

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  18. Cooter Brown says:

    Dam good looking commode tank float ball if know what I mean. Flush it away Leon!

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  19. okay so these things are dangerous? awesome. my boys have a working toy submarine too. I wonder how much its worth on the Iranian market. =D

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  20. Great satire AWD, I enjoyed it.

    However my school of thought is never underestimate people that want to kill you.

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  21. They are actually very dangerous as they not get detected on radar don’t believe me try it your self there is on eBay for sales required AA battery not included.

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  22. It surfaced today in NY Harbor. People were running for their lives.

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  23. the friendly grizzly says:

    Laugh all you want, but, they are a suicide mission sub (see Kaiten). Or, perhaps it can be used for stealth missions like the British X-craft in WW II. They did wonders with a cobbled up hull and a London bus engine.

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