Shama lama ding dong and greetings, infidel dogs! Today is a day of great happiness in Islam. No, we didn’t stone 10 women to death. We stoned 20! But, while refreshing, that is not the reason for our happiness. No, it is not National Hump Your Camel Day, either. As much as we all would like it to be. Nor is it Take Your Child To Jihad Day. That’s every day! The reason for our Muslim bliss is all your infidel televisions are now belong to us! Al Jazeera, the network of Allah, will enter your infidel homes and provide your truthful news from the correct perspective of Islam. In other words, Allah the news that’s fit to report!
Imam Al Gore, the inventor of Global Warming, sold his share of the infidel Current TV to Al Jazeera. Imam Gore is an environmentalist who hates fossil fuels. So it is only natural he would sell his television network to a network owned by an oil kingdom. Hey, at least he didn’t sell to that infidel American pig Glenn Beck! But Imam Gore proved his hatred of the Great Satan by using every loophole given to evil 1%ers to withhold every penny in taxes he could. Ohhhh, shama lama ding dong, Imam Gore!
Current TV had programming filled with progressive-themed political shows. Which means nobody watched. Personally, the Imam wouldn’t cross the dirt path to behead infidel Keith Olbermann. Current TV had television programs instructing youths how to become homosexuals. We will have programming instructing youths how to kill homosexual youths. Ah yes, infidels, fun for the entire village!
Al Jazeera America will have other exciting programming based on infidel movies like The Hunger Games. Large infidel Michael Moore will be hunted by his communist Hollywood friends and his carcass will feed the city of Baghdad. Other programming will teach hourly Koran passages that viewers must memorize or their televisions will explode. We will have fun game shows like “Who Wants To Blow Up A Jew?” There will be educational programs as well to educate you infidel pigs. Al Jazeera will bring the brightest minds in IED technology, beheading techniques, and other manifestations of Islam in Religion of Peace Workshops. And yes, we will have sentimental, family friendly shows like Little Mosque On The Prairie where the women and children will work all day in the fields, prepare dinner for the men, and later be hanged at the end of the episode.
Welcome to the Islamic States of America! With Imam Obama (may Reggie Love be upon him) in the White House another four years, the caliphate is almost complete! All your televisions are belong to us. Next, all your internet. Then all your infidel free speech. All your guns. And then, all your country will belong to Allah. Islam will gloriously lead the entire world into the 7th century! Ohhhh, shama lama!
If you will excuse me, the Imam has to find a burqa big enough to fit Oprah Winfrey. It is a difficult task but the Imam has a line on some of Moammar Gaddafi’s tents. He no longer needs them! Shama Lama!
I shall leave you with the National Anthem of Islam, the Dance Of The 1000 Imams: