It appears spoiled, greedy 1%’er golfer Phil Mickelson doesn’t want to pay his fair share of taxes anymore! Mickelson said yesterday that he’s considering leaving Mexifornia because he’ll now pay over 60% of his earnings in taxes. Hey Mickelson, you didn’t win those four major golf championships! Somebody else did! Now pay up, sucka! Those greedy rich! When will the ever just pay their fair share!
Mickelson’s greed reminds me of our favorite Katrina looter who made good from President Obama’s social programs that took him from a lowly looter to the PGA Champion!
Remember our favorite looter from Hurricane Katrina in Chocolate City? The one photographed stealing the bucket of Heineken beer? In a true showing of American can-do, hard-working spirit, the looter has won the PGA tournament held at Hazeltine Golf Course in Minnesota! How did he achieve such a great feat? After looting the liquor store, he went on to loot a golf store of clubs, balls, shoes and, most importantly, threads! He then took advantage of a free, “teach a looter to golf” program for low income people at the local municipal golf course. The rest is history! Mr. Looter was a natural at the game and qualified for the PGA tour on the Affirmative Action program for low income minorities installed by the PGA in 2008. His winning score at Hazeltine was actually 187 strokes more than the last place contestant but, due to his minority status, his score was handicapped into the winning score!
Tiger Woods, a vocal opponent to the PGA’s “Let Looters Play on the Tour” program said:
“This is a travesty to those of us who have truly earned a spot on the tour through hard work, practice and dedication. To award the trophy to Mr. Looter simply because of the color of his skin goes against American principles of fairness.” Un-named sources said Mr. Woods was angry because it is believed Mr. Looter stole Mr. Wood’s Rolex in the dressing room.
In the spirit of sharing success, President Obama said:
“This is a great example of what one can do if the rules are broken and the individual is given preferential treatment. The America I believe in recognizes equal outcome to reward lower levels of performance. Anyway, Mr. Woods has won enough and needs to spread his trophies around.”
Mr. Looter shows this type of success is possible only in America! America, where one is put ahead of the line of achievers because of the pigment in their skin. Mr. Looter is pleased with his new found career and said, “All this attention can be distracting but I can’t wait to get to Augusta and steal all that white people sh*t down there. The thought of all the stuff I can haul away from Augusta?….Negro please!” Mr. Looter says he’s happy with his win even though his putting wasn’t at the level he has come to expect. After shooting the worst round in the history of professional golf, Looter said, “Dat putting sh*t be hard because dat hole is too little. I’m gonna see if da Commissioner will give me a bigger hole…or my caddy Rev. Sharpton will be forced to call him a racist.” Hope and change, indeed.