It’s Saturday night and AWD is preparing to head out with the little filly and throw the ol’ houlihan listening to some gooder’n hell Texas honky-tonk. So you might not hear from the Big Sexy again today.

I see that Lance Armstrong is going to finally admit he used drugs all those years when he was winning those silly little bicycle races. He’s going to make his confession to Oprah, no less! The closest Oprah has come to a bicycle is when her limo ran over a herd of those little bicycle tards clogging up the road. Either way, I kind of feel sorry for ol’ Lance. He’s lied so much and for so long he out to be in Congress. Here’s a piece written a while ago. Enjoy.

Bicyclist Lance Armstrong got himself sideways with the US Anti-Doping Agency and they stripped him of his seven Tour deeee France wins and banned him from forever again riding a bicycle. What the hell is going on here? They have an agency that keeps people from using dope? Maybe they should have an Anti-Illegal Immigration Agency! And who gives a rat if Lance took him a little dope to help him through all of the hassles of being a world-class traffic tier-upper bicycle rider?

Doesn’t the Anti-Doping Agency realize the lifetime of pain and agony Lance Armstrong has gone through a lifetime riding bicycles? Probably not! They don’t take into account that for years Lance Armstrong had to wear those gay little bicycle costumes with those silly hats. In public, too! Those bureaucrats haven’t felt the humiliation of holding up traffic while everyone pelts you with bottles as they pass by! They don’t even try to imagine the humiliation of being in France with all those smelly, effeminate Frenchsters wearing their little gay berets and saying “oui, oui” every damn time you pass by one of those surrendering bastids on the road. Lance even lost one of his cojones which no doubt came from straddling those little stick bike seats that go right up the culo! And he’s so damn skinny from riding a bike all the time no hot, curvy womern wants anything to do with him. Those fine fillies can’t get past the gay bike costume in the first place. So hell no, those anti-doping tards haven’t taken any of that into consideration! They’d be taking dope themselves!

Sheee-up! AWD himself would be taking dope if I had to don me now that gay bicycle apparel and tool around town trying to dodge F-150s. Having to spend a month around all those fuzzy little unwashed foreigners in France would make anyone seriously consider eating a 230 grainer from ye olde .45 ACP. Unless they were a hairdresser. A man can only tolerate so much! Hasn’t Lance Armstrong suffered enough?

Now, if Lance Armstrong had been caught sneaking up and down those French mountains with a hidden Harley Davidson motor strapped on his bicycle, then I might understand them taking his Tour deeeee France wins away. If he had taken a shortcut through the woods and cut off 100 miles or so, yeah. But taking dope? After all he’s been through? They ought to give him another Tour deeee France win just for all the sh*t he’s had to put up with. And another joint, too!

Now, if the Anti-Doping Agency is looking for some real dope, they need not look any further than our current Vice President! There’s a guy they should put under the lights and ask a few questions! Then they could strip him of his title for the most stupid person ever elected to public office in history. But that is definitely one honor he’s earned!

Leave Lance alone! They’re only taking his awards away because he’s a black man!

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  1. Hell Biden was picked cause he is a senile “old white guy”. Gotta make “O” look good.

  2. The whole thing makes me sick! The guy has done more for that sport than anyone ever. He has given back a million fold. He passed every test he has ever been given.

    I can’t wait for the shit to hit the fan, so all the bureaucrats can be strung up!

    For the first time, I have something bad to say about Lance – WTF are you doing going on oprah and bending over for these aholes!!!

    (not that I have strong feelings over this at all! lol)

    • Timbo, I’ll say this for what it’s worth. Lance lives in Austin. Every person I know who has ever seen him out and about says he’s a gigantic a-hole. To a person.


  3. I wonder how much uproar there would have truly been were he indeed Black…..
    There was NEVER ONCE a failed test. NEVER ONCE an unauthorized absence from a dope test. NEVER ONCE supplies/appliances/actual dope found in ANY oh his teams’ hotels, cars, buses. NEVER ONCE an accusation made by a team member, until they themselves left the team for greener pastures and then were caught doping. NEVER ONCE a story/leak/proof that anything was happening in a timely fashion – all that ever came out was always about some stuff that supposedly happened years ago, away from any witnesses.

    I have defended Lance all these years. If he actually doped, my faith in him will be crushed. No matter that EVERYBODY ELSE cheated. That is not an excuse, not a get-out-of-jail-free-pass. I believed him, because of my life circumstances. I had to fight the system where I was required to prove that I was not sick before sustaining devastating, debilitating work inury. It did not matter that there was NEVER ANY proof, complaint, etc. of any prior ilness. I had to prove that I was not ill before – HOW the F do you prove a negative?!?! And yet I watched people of different color/race riding the affirmative action all the way to the bank.
    So yeah, I never doubted Lance, and always considered the leaks to be malicious prosecution and slander. How are you supposed to defend yourself against the absence of proof? How do you fight gossip, innuendo, spite, jealousy? How do you decry your accusers if they are only numbers in a sealed affidavit?

    I wonder, had he been Black, would there ever have been ANY HINTS of such accusations. After all, the ‘evidence’ against him would NEVER stand in any court of law in this land. It is laughable. It doesn’t exist.
    Were he Black, the ACLU, the NAACP, the Sharptons and the Jacksons would have crucified his detractors the moment any hint of a suspicion surfaced.
    Yet since he is White, he was allowed to be turned into a beating boy for every single left-wing-nut functionary who wanted to make a name for himself.
    I never thought it’d might ever come to this, but apparently in this country YOU ARE NOW GUILTY UNTIL YOU PROVE YOUR INNOCENCE. Apparently YOU ARE NOW DECLARED A LIAR AND AT FAULT IF YOU CAN’T SHOW THE POSITIVE PRESENCE OF INNOCENCE, regardless of the fact that it is simply logically and physically impossible to prove a negative. Yet that is what is now the only conveyance of no fault. Unless you’re Black and your president calls you ‘his son’.
    Sorry about the ramblings, but I’m hurt, and I’m pissed off. I hate the idealism dying by degrees.

    • “I wonder, had he been Black, would there ever have been ANY HINTS of such accusations.”

      Two words, Barry Bonds.

      • Barry Pumpkin Head Bonds. I remember many moons ago when he came up with the Pirates – might have weighed about 175. Say, what sort of exercises did he do to make his head grow so big?

  4. It’s his fault for being white!! –and a winner!


    I,ll bet if he were hispanic Obama would be giving him a special visit and pep talk

  6. Whats the big deal, let these guys do what they want, same with all sports.It’s their bodies ,if they want to be at the top of their game let them do the drugs.Look at pro football , never seen so many injuries. Steroids when used properly and controlled by trainers help stop injury and heal it faster. Their professions sre very short a lot of these sports are very demanding on the body, so they have to make the money while they can.Tough sports have a very short playing time, if the athelete wants them then let them have them if they want.It just doesn’t concern most people,they want to see the best.Women get breast implants liposuction ec. Men get penile implants etc. does it effect you?………no, so whats the big deal? People want to “enhance” themselves , should thatmake them criminals?

  7. Bonds got caught up in the BALCO scandle he was not chased by a whole country. This case is very deep it is not about the fact that other cyclers did/do PEDs(Performance Enhancing Drugs) it is the fact that there is no way to be in the top 50 with out taking these drugs. Barry Bonds information and his subsequent outing was because of a much larger investigation into the BALCO case.

    As was stated before Lance Armstrong had passed all of his tests and the was zero evidence. The Franch Cyclying Association had tested blood samples for years and kept those sample for years and continued to test these samples. The chance for contamination was most likely 100% there is no way to fiddle with said samples for years and hundreds of employees with out contamination.

    This was no doubt malicious prosecution because Lance Armstrong is/was the best. They prosecuted his team mates and leaned on them until they flipped on him. I have no doubt Lance did take PEDs but like I said it is physically impossible to achieve his times with out the drugs hell it is impossible to be in the top 25 with out the use of drugs.

    • BigLittleKid says:

      “it is physically impossible to achieve his times with out the drugs hell it is impossible to be in the top 25 with out the use of drugs.”

      So he wasnt competing fairly then, and deservd to be striped of his titles.

      No comparison with breast or penile implants, like Timboy mentioned above. Those are not for competitions and dont win you any medals.

      I’m not going to sit here and defend someone who doped and lied and took creidit where it was not due. The guy was a liar and a cheat. Its as simple as that.

  8. I know there are a lot of people who have been effected by cancer that admire Lance Armstrong. But the truth is he’s a total f*cking asshole. Look at what he did to his first wife. Not to mention all the people that he sued and tried to destroy because they knew he doped. This guy was ruthless and powerful and he didn’t think twice about destroying anyone who posed a threat to him.

    I wish he would fade away but I’m sure the retards that now make up this country will forgive him and love him just like Bill Clinton. Even though, like Bill Clinton, he has the morals of a drunk Mexican.

    • Maybe his first wife deserved it. We don’t know what their private relationship was like, do we? Maybe she made him the asshole he is today :-b

  9. I used to like and respect Lance until he admitted he cheated. Its one thing to defend yourself if you werent cheating…but since you were and insisted on suing people and attacking anyone who knew the truth….your a piece of shit Lance. Cheer up Lance, you have a bright future in politics. Lying pricks make great democrats.