AWD hates commercials. They’re all crass and insulting to those with intelligence (not liberals). Perpetrators of political correctness trying to sell me a product or service that insults me as a sexy, white man. Screw that!
Allstate insurance is the latest to go the PC route with it’s male-bashing tripe. Personally, AWD really hates all car insurance commercials. From Geico with it’s gay little Englishter lizard that I’d like to squash and their latest gay little offended PC piggy to Progressive with its progressive succession of feminine males to the morons selling State Farm who can’t sing singing “State Farm is there,” they all suck el grande uno!
I really hate these Allstate commercials with that big, black spokesman cat who sounds with a voice like an educated Barry White. They put his voice on top of the people in the commercial to tout how @#&*ing great Allstate car insurance is. Nothing creepier than seeing a 5 year old little white girl talking in the voice of Darth Vader educating her stupid white dad about why he should have Allstate! Or the hippy metrosexual (homosexual in a metro) telling the older white man that they really have a lot in common when they don’t. Unless the older white male is a PC douche-tard who doesn’t have a job, never will, and cannot drive! That freakazoid loser runs into the Big Sexy’s F-150 and he’s gonna need a lot more than Allstate! And ObamaCare won’t help either!
The latest insult is the wormy, mouthy white womern bragging to her wimpy boyfriend for getting a check because she hasn’t had a wreck in 6 months. Hallelujah! A woman who hasn’t wrecked in six months! Stop the presses! I bet Allstate hasn’t had to write many of those checks! Wormy, mouthy white womern probably got the check because she hasn’t driven in six months! Watch this and tell me what you think:
Tell you what AWD would do if he were “Lance the hairdresser” in this commercial. When that little filly stuck that check in my face and said “silence,” I would have ripped that @#&*ing check out of her little bony hand and eaten that sumbitch right there in the restaurant! Then I would have told her to walk her skinny ass back to the house and bake me a pie! And it better be ready by the time I get back from the gun range too!
AWD is 51 damn years old and hasn’t had a wreck since I was 16 years old! Allstate should send me a bazillion dollar check! Know why I haven’t had a wreck in all those years (I’m too lazy to do the math)? Because I don’t ride down the Dallas Central Expressway in bumper to bumper traffic putting on damn mascara and other makeup sh*t while texting a girlfriend while talking to another one on the phone! Womern drivers in Dallas are almost as bad as Chinese drivers in their mini-vans looking for a soft place to crash into! AWD likes to pull right up beside these little makeup-applying fillies and lay on my big F-150’s horn. Scares the mierda out of them! They immediately slam on the brakes thinking they’ve crossed into my lane (which would be a major-league mistake, baybah) or are about to slam into the stopped car in front of them. The lesson is: put your damn makeup on at home, not on Central, dammit! Not my fault you are a womern and have to do all that makeup sh*t! Take it up with Eve! You don’t see AWD shaving in the F-150, do you? Or shooting hogs? Or writing on his big, sexy blog? Then don’t put on your damn makeup while driving your gay little minivan 30 mph slower than the speed limit! Oh, and if you’re going to do 45 mph, get the hell out of the fast lane, toots! Chinese mini-van drivers don’t know any better as they are fuzzy little comm-a-nist foreigners who rode bicycles in Beijing all their damned, godless lives (the bastids). But there’s no excuse for American born and bred fillies to clog up the road texting on their damn cell phones while putting on some damn Mary Kay makeup! Can I get an amen, brothers?
Does Allstate really want to bet the farm on the half of the population that causes 99% of the accidents while alienating the other half who drives for decades without causing a scratch? Apparently so! Of course, young metro-homo-sexuals like Lance in the commercial are used to getting their ass whooped by their sharp-tongued womern! To grab that check out of her hands and eat that sumbitch while commanding she bake you a pie might be seen in some areas as “sexist.” But those areas would all be blue-state hellholes where they take the damn subway everywhere they go and can’t drink Big Gulps or eat salt! Or own fireamrs. It ain’t Texas! Maybe Austin. But Austin ain’t Texas!
So screw Allstate, Geico, Progressive, State Farm and all the rest of those gay little insurance companies! Giving womerns a check because they haven’t caused a 50-car pileup in 6 months is proof positive that a womern driving is akin to giving Injuns firewater! It just don’t mix!
Car insurance is stupid, anyway. It’s betting the insurance company I’ll crash my F-150 when they’re betting me I won’t. I can tell you one damn thang. AWD can drive anything with wheels on it. Parallel parking? One try, baybah! It would take a filly a month of Sundays to parallel their gay little Prius contraptions into spaces the AWD can squeeze the F-150 into with one try! That’s a scientific fact, too! Richard Petty once wept when he saw me parallel parking. That’s a true story.
Allstate ought to make a commercial about AWD! 500 billion miles driven without a scratch, baybah! I rule!