My beloved AR-15,
Today is the day for lovers. AWD just wants to express my love for you and all you do for me. Many days and nights I have held you in my warm embrace, clasping you to my bosom, knowing that you are always be there for me. You have brought me such joy knowing you would never desert me when times got tough.
We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve spent many a cold night in a stand waiting for the ji-hog-ists to show their ugly snouts. You’ve never complained. Every time AWD suggests we put some pork in the freezer, you have been there for me. You’re beautiful and precious to me.
I know that libtards would love to take you from me and destroy our love. I promise to never let that happen. Yes, I know that big-toothed, libtarded Englishter Piers Morgan wants you desperately, but only for his own selfish desires. He doesn’t want only you, he wants many others. So does that freakazoid from Mexifornia, Dianne Feinstein. I believe she’s a lebanese. Morgan and Feinstein would never love you the way the Big Sexy does. In fact, they would end up destroying you. I will never, ever let that happen. I promise.
I know it’s not always been easy. AWD has a problem. As you know, I’m easily attracted to others. It is a weakness! I know you hate that slutty .300 Weatherby with the Swarovski 3X9 perched on her sexy head. But you have to understand, my beloved AR-15…sometimes AWD needs a little extra excitement in his life. And there’s nothing better than, on special occasions, that 200-grain Nosler heading downrange at 3200 feet per second to reach out and touch that special target, whether it be a fat whitetail or possibly a marauding gang of looters whose welfare checks haven’t cleared. But I only need her on occasions. It’s not the same as me and you. Yes, I know the Weatherby is sexy and expensive, but you are my go to girl.
Yeah, I’m also sorry about that new little Remington 1911 .45 Enhanced filly that showed up last summer. But baby, a man can only stand so much temptation! You’ve got to understand! It’s hard being loyal with so many sexy firearms flirting with me all the time!
To show my love for you, I’ve got a little something for you tonight. I know, I know…I shouldn’t have! But I just can’t help myself sometimes. It’s just the way I am. Close your eyes, baby. Here it is. That’s right. A night vision scope just for you! Yeah, I splurged. I know money is tight but I just said what the @#&*. Either spend it on you or give it to Obama to spend on a moocher! I can’t wait to see you wearing that supa-sexy new night vision scope. I’m getting excited already! All the other AR’s around town are going to be soooo jealous! But you’re going to look so hot, baybah!
AWD is also going to take you to a quiet, romantic dinner. Your favorite! AWD has purchased several hundred rounds of high-quality 5.56 ammo with brass cases just for you. I know how you love it! Not that steel case, Bulgarian garbage food others give to their AR’s. And guess what!? I also purchased 10 more MagPul 30-round magazines (not clips, dammit!) just for you! That Weatherby slut didn’t get anything from me for Valentines. So that should show you how much I love you.
Oh baby, I’m going to hold you so tight and love you long time! You’re my best girl! We’re gonna have us a time! I love you forever!
Angry White Dude