AWD saw this over at the excellent parody site Duh Progressive and asked Nick if I could post it at AWD. He graciously gave me permission to post his most interesting perspective. This piece is not a parody piece but one straight from Nick’s heart. Please make Duh Progressive a daily stop on Al Gore’s inter web net if you haven’t already done so.
Okay, I can’t do it. I give up! I can’t find the politically correct way of saying it. I cannot find the fluffy adjectives and velvet phrases. I have thought over and over of a way to state the following without sounding like some paranoid, racist, knuckle-dragging “Ruby Ridge” nutcase, yet find myself at a loss, for there are very few ways of saying it: this current “war on guns” is really a war on anything that smacks of “White, male, rugged ruralism”…and the more Christian the better.
This is what the Left is ultimately after; what it ultimately detests. It is its mortal enemy. And this is what this war on guns is all about, point-blank (no pun intended).
(wiping brow) …Shwoo! There. I said it. And no, my liberal friends, I have dated and loved/love people of every color of the rainbow, so don’t even think of accusing me of being some damned Randy Weaver nutcase —but that’s the point: in the wake of the Sandy Hook atrocity, the Left has construed this “conversation” about guns to such a degree that stating what it is really about leaves any honest, critically thinking person with no other choice but to sound like some nutty White supremacist type. And I hate it.
I hate admitting there is an undeclared cultural war from mainly urban-dwelling, over-educated, secular, conceited and oh-so “hip” liberal elites against their perceived polar opposites (the presumably less educated, rural-dwelling, conservative, more masculine, more pious, and predominately Caucasian areas —“fly-over country” as it’s called).
I hate admitting that the thick-black-framed glasses-wearing yuppie next to me in the Starbucks in downtown Washington is “at war” with the 50-year-old husband and father 30 miles to the south and west of us who owns guns, obeys the law, has distinct notions of “right and wrong,” comes home from work with muddy boots, dirty fingernails, attends church regularly, and speaks with a rural accent … and, oh, who will be the first to pull over to help you when he, in his gas-guzzling pickup truck, sees your little Prius fly off the road after you’ve been too busy texting your friends while driving. …I hate saying all of this (so I must be on to something).
When I envision this “50-year-old in the pickup” I think of my ex-girlfriend’s father, who I will simply call “Mr. H.” He was a hulking, strong silent type, an Irish-American who just wanted to be left alone; alone to teach his kids what he wished, who found nobility in hard work, who loved his wife, who wanted his kids home at a set time every night, including those he had adopted; a man who loved Christ yet did not exploit that love by throwing it in people’s faces haphazardly; a man who not only harbored no hated towards any race or religion, but indeed helped people of every race and religion, mainly through work at his church; a man who built his house with his own hands, literally, tended the acres on which it rested in rural Howard County, Maryland…and who OWNED GUNS (gasp)!
Now, thanks to the Left, I have discovered an unknown love for my ex’s father, “Mr. H.” But my new found love for him is born out of reflex (because the Left hates this man so, so much).
“Mr. H.” didn’t go to college. He couldn’t tell you the difference between a Sikh and a Muslim, nor Shia from Sunni. He couldn’t quote Lord Byron or Krishnamurti. He never tasted sushi (doesn’t know what he’s missing!). He never drank overpriced syrah; couldn’t tell you what a $5.00 caramel latte tasted like. He didn’t know the latest exploits of Hollywood celebrities.
No, Mr. H. did not know much by liberal standards. But he did know one thing: how to be one of the greatest human beings anyone could know, be they Black, White, liberal, conservative, Christian or non. …And now, now (?!), liberals want to use Sandy Hook to again attack and destroy this humble man in the name of some bullshit “war on guns?” No f—ing way!
“Mr. H.” is the type of man who built America, which by default leaves his “culture” inextricably entwined with this “gun culture” liberals are raging about. This war on guns is nothing more than a war on this man and all those of similar demographics. This may sound absurd, repugnant, prejudiced, paranoid, even a bit race-based, but it is not. This is the truth (my apologies for still living in the People’s Republic of Reality).
Trust me, folks, I was born and raised a liberal. I was a devout Leftist growing up. I live side-by-side with them today; they are my friends, my neighbors, and I know how they think. “Mr. H.” and all things pertaining to his “White Male Ruralism” are responsible for nothing positive in America, according to my former self/liberals. I was taught this. I was taught to feel guilty for it. I believed this. I lived this. I. Know. This. Shit.
To the Left, the “Mr. Hs.” of America are responsible only for the extermination of Native Americans. He is only responsible for slavery. He is only responsible for Jim Crow laws, the KKK and Black lynchings in the South. He is responsible for the state of Black America in our cities today. He denied women the right to vote, wants to control their bodies and dictate what they do with their “lady parts.” He is responsible for corporations pumping toxic waste into rivers and oceans and for that poor polar bear trapped on that shrinking iceberg. “Mr. H.” and his toothless, stump-jumping ilk are responsible for underage girls being sexually abused in (Christian) fundamentalist polygamist cults. Mr. H. wanted nuclear war and created AIDS to get rid of minorities and “them queers” in the 1980s. He is responsible for child labor during the Industrial Revolution. He shot steel and coal workers striking for better wages 100 years ago. He is responsible for Prohibition… (okay, I’ll give the libs that one). …Mr. H. wants to throw your granny off a cliff if she becomes too expensive for Medicare. …And of course, “Mr. H.” is ultimately responsible for that oh-so horrid Second Amendment and all the havoc it has reaped —Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Oak Creek, Tuscan, now Sandy Hook; hence the linchpin in our argument here.
Indeed, to liberals “Mr. H.” and his Cro-Magnon brethren are responsible for every act of oppression, exploitation, extermination, and discrimination of one demographic of America upon another, ever. There can be no other “cult-prit” to the Leftist.
So who cares if stricter gun laws will not prevent further Sandy Hooks? Who cares if only law abiding citizens will be burdened by the likes of NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo and the rest of the gun-grabbers (because you know who those “law abiding citizens” really are)? All that matters to the Left is being able to again destroy a little bit more of the lifestyle, the “culture of Mr. H.” that has become synonymous with that term “traditional America” they find so revolting.
This hypnotic thrust for more gun control is simply another excuse for the devoutly liberal, the devoutly smug, and the devoutly emotion-consumed elitist to again lash out at that so obscure yet somehow all-controlling “traditional America” that lurks so frighteningly outside their cities; that “traditional America” they view as equivalent to Nazi Germany. For respect and use of the Second Amendment is a keystone to that “traditional America” they so abhor —all things rural, masculine, and Caucasian (and the more Christian the better; a sick and sweet bonus).
I have used the word “guns” in this article scantly so far, because this is not about guns. This is about an attack on a culture. It’s not necessarily a “racial attack,” for many gun-haters are White. It’s not necessarily a “religious attack,” for many gun-haters are Christians. It’s not an “education attack,” either, for many gun-haters lack college degrees. Neither is this a “gender attack,” for many gun-haters are men. This is not even a “redneck attack,” for gun-haters live in those weird and dangerous “fly over” lands, too. What this is, however, is another and well–disguised attack on those who unfortunately fit all of the above descriptions. It is an attack upon all of whom and which the Left perceives has prevented America from being what they wish it to be (let your imaginations run on that) since its conception.
Also, and let’s be honest, I have inadvertently and unfortunately spoken to the likes of the filth and human debris of White supremacist websites and organizations (which I will not even bother to name). But this is not some Randy Weaver-ish tirade about “all them Jews and coloreds” that are out to get me. It’s really the White, 30-something yuppie in my local Starbucks that’s out to get me. This is about a culture, and a “culture” needn’t be restricted by race or creed.
Realize what this “war on guns” is really a war on, folks. To twist the famous phrase from the great political strategist, James Carville: “It’s the culture, stupid!” Too bad that culture sprang from predominantly European, male, rural, heterosexual Christians. Too bad. So sad. Maybe we should take a page from the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre and convert to Islam…
Writer, Producer, Occassional Basket Case
P.S. Kind of ironic I wrote this while listening to “The Day the Niggaz Took Over” by Dr. Dre. …No, really, I’m not kidding. Anyone with better suggestions on what song I should’ve written this to, I’m all ears.