DETROIT DURING EARTH HOUR

It’s that special day, no…not Kwanzaa!…when the world joins together to pretend it’s doing something good for Mother Earth by not using electricity for one hour. Bless their little comm-a-nist hearts!

AWD is an environmentally minded cat so I parked the F-150 and thought the little filly and I would enjoy some time in the dark. She’s been ogling me all day like Senator Menendez an underage Dominican hooker. Or Rosie O’Donnell an all-you-can-eat buffet. So AWD spashed on some Hai Karate after shave, my supa-sexy smoking jacket (you better believe it’s all silk!) and we retired to the bedroom/boudoir for a little adult fun! Since it was Earth Hour and no electricity could be used, the Big Sexy couldn’t put on any Teddy Pendergrass or Maestro of Love Barry White on the stereo to get things rolling. So, in my best Barry White voice, AWD purred “I’m gonna be your everythaaaaaaaaaaang man, baybah” in the filly’s ear. Then I said in a smoky voice, “pardon me as my eyes feast upon your succulent decolletage.” Well, how the hell could any womern resist that sh*t! Coupled with the sexy waftings of Hai Karate permeating the darkness and the words of the Maestro of Love, the ol’ noche de amor was off and running, baybah! Let’s just say it was a night the little filly won’t forget any damn time soon!

Three minutes later, I was watching MMA! Life is good!

AWD likes Earth Day! I get to take care of my lady in that special way while saving the Earth at the same time! I like doing my part. I can’t take credit for it. It’s just the way I am.

But since AWD is known as an expert love man, I’ll help out all you dudes have been going through a dry spell in your own bedroom/boudoir. First, slather on the Hai Karate and put on your cleanest dirty boxers. Not the ones you used to wipe the excess gun oil off your AR-15. The other ones balled up in the corner. Put on an authentic Angry White Dude t-shirt, grab some rope and duct tape and memorize these words:

Yeah, womerns likes that sexy talk and all. And you too can help save the Earth. At least for a little while.

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35 Comments

  1. Outrageously hilarious…too much fun, I’m still grinning. Where you come up with the stuff you do is beyond me…but priceless to say the least!

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  2. Earth first, we’ll mine the other planets later.

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  3. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    The EARTH HOUR just as stupid as EARTH DAY which is next month the one time of the year where enviromentalists show to us their totaly out of their minds as welll as being totaly rediculous running around dressed as TREES,SPOTTED OWLS,FLOWERS,MONKEYS,FUNGUS and FISH

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  4. On the other hand, as one friend noted, “Earth Hour would be an excellent time to practice defensive handgun tactics in low-light conditions.”

    From The American Spectator. We need to do this more often.

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  5. AFCrewChief says:

    Responding to your Earth Gay OPPS! Earth Day 3min observance …I’m sitting laughing… Stunning …

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  6. I’m not so sure about that Hai Karate, Dude. My sister-in-law gave me a bottle of that for Christmas of 1971, and it now smells like an ER trauma room. (Not that it didn’t back then.)

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  7. not2latenow says:

    Save the earth, it’s the only planet that has chocolate.

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  8. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Carl Sagan and his wacky followers took their sea urchin shaped ship IMAGINATION into the ROMULAN NUTRAL ZONE and they vaporised them with their plasma weapon

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  9. I have never heard of this particular observance. I know about Earth Day, but not this one. Oh well, guess I ‘ll have to look for it next year. I feel like commenting, but I really don’t have anything to say. Our country is going down the shitter, and one can’t write about that all the time, so I guess one has to take a deopfdnhojdbfuoiwehrbfvoeqnhroiqandkqjrjfiehtuehdfuierhhsfguehroifheqiurh[e5……………………

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  10. OK Big Sexy you take Earth Day OFF to drill your fine filly, you desere a break, but tomorrow we need to start drilling America for oil.

    Energy independence from foreign countries solves a multitude of America’s problems.

    And we won’t have to sing Barry White to people we don’t like, and who want to kill us, just to get a little Action for our Traction.

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    • Waspish and MichaelT, you guys are hard core! You guys want the red meat all the time! Don’t you ever get tired of bitching about all the bad news? I do. So sometimes I write something stupid.

      The whole thing is going to collapse anyway. We all know that. There will be lots of time for wailing and gnashing of teeth. Hey, I also wrote a red meat post yesterday, too! Lighten up, dudes!

      awd

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      • Your right AWD, how about posting some comment guide lines, you know suggestions. Just so we know when it’s time to ‘lighten up’ as you say.

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        • Michael, you have free reign to post whatever you want. You’ve been here long enough. I think I have you figured out by now and hope you have me the same way.

          awd

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      • Well you know there is “No rest for the wicked” Drill hard, and drill deep

        Then we will talk about drilling America

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  11. Personally celebrated by drinking red bull, staying up all night with lights on and burning a few bg Goodrich tires!

    Nothing says, ‘I love the planet’ like thick, acrid smoke in suburbia.

    Keep up the good work big sexy, you and your filly enjoy the break, so to speak!

    Blistered, out!

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  12. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Just wait for some eco-wackos to come up with a dumb RIDE YOUR BIKE TO WORK DAY knowing how out of their minds these greens are

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  13. Global warming leads to global liberal stupidity.

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  14. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Hitler was a ENVIROMENTALISTS the NAZIS were very very GREEN

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  15. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    I was out but left my pourch light burning, SCREW GREENS

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  16. littleoldangrysouthernwoman says:

    I was reaching for a cigarette after that first paragraph….

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  17. Gonna change your name to 3-Minute White Dude?

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  18. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Turn off CAPTIAN PLANET on EARTHDAY

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  19. I celebrated by mowing my yard and dumping more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere…hey tree huggers kiss my angry white ass!

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  20. wow luckily I found out about “earth hour” just in time to discard my overpriced used hp printer cartridges and nicad batteries in the trash. I don’t call that anti-earth just job security for the next generations of government job moochers, in their little white suits and gas masks making like BP gulf coast wannabes paid for by the folks foolish enough to have saved their $$$ in the banks, even after the cyprus harbinger.

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