It’s that special day, no…not Kwanzaa!…when the world joins together to pretend it’s doing something good for Mother Earth by not using electricity for one hour. Bless their little comm-a-nist hearts!
AWD is an environmentally minded cat so I parked the F-150 and thought the little filly and I would enjoy some time in the dark. She’s been ogling me all day like Senator Menendez an underage Dominican hooker. Or Rosie O’Donnell an all-you-can-eat buffet. So AWD spashed on some Hai Karate after shave, my supa-sexy smoking jacket (you better believe it’s all silk!) and we retired to the bedroom/boudoir for a little adult fun! Since it was Earth Hour and no electricity could be used, the Big Sexy couldn’t put on any Teddy Pendergrass or Maestro of Love Barry White on the stereo to get things rolling. So, in my best Barry White voice, AWD purred “I’m gonna be your everythaaaaaaaaaaang man, baybah” in the filly’s ear. Then I said in a smoky voice, “pardon me as my eyes feast upon your succulent decolletage.” Well, how the hell could any womern resist that sh*t! Coupled with the sexy waftings of Hai Karate permeating the darkness and the words of the Maestro of Love, the ol’ noche de amor was off and running, baybah! Let’s just say it was a night the little filly won’t forget any damn time soon!
Three minutes later, I was watching MMA! Life is good!
AWD likes Earth Day! I get to take care of my lady in that special way while saving the Earth at the same time! I like doing my part. I can’t take credit for it. It’s just the way I am.
But since AWD is known as an expert love man, I’ll help out all you dudes have been going through a dry spell in your own bedroom/boudoir. First, slather on the Hai Karate and put on your cleanest dirty boxers. Not the ones you used to wipe the excess gun oil off your AR-15. The other ones balled up in the corner. Put on an authentic Angry White Dude t-shirt, grab some rope and duct tape and memorize these words:
Yeah, womerns likes that sexy talk and all. And you too can help save the Earth. At least for a little while.