Citizens of the Empire State, I humbly come before you this evening to announce a new law designed to protect you from gunmen armed with assault rifles with those thingies you put the high-capacity bullets into. This new law will help keep our citizens safe from the plague of assault rifles. We do this because we’re Democrats. We care.

But first, I want to admit that, in our haste to protect you, last month we enacted a law that was unrealistic. When we created the law banning those thingies you put the bullets into, we banned all of those thingies from holding more than 7 bullets. To our chagrin, we later found that 7-round thingies that you put bullets into are not manufactured anywhere in the world. The law banning 7+ round thingies is not really our fault as no elected Democrat in the State of New York has ever held a gun. However, I did see the first Rambo movie. Still, the law was a pretty good law because it showed that we care. Because we’re Democrats.

The purpose behind the law limiting the number of bullets you can put in those thingies that you put bullets into your gun with was to prevent a gunman from having thousands of rounds in his gun without having to reload. Nearly unlimited bullets allows gunmen to kill thousands without having to reload. If you ever watched the A-Team, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Easy access to high capacity bullet thingies is what causes millions of gun deaths in America each year. Yes, we were overzealous in our first thingie law. But we know the people of New York elected us to come up with solutions and not excuses. Because we care. We’re Democrats.

There has been much debate in the Democrat caucus about allowing New Yorkers to keep their 10-round thingies (that actually exist….I think) that hold the bullets in guns but only allowing 8.5 bullets into said thingie. This plan was finally shelved because of the negative environmental aspects that could arise from cutting bullets in half. The current law has been amended to allow 10-round thingies that hold the bullets in guns but New Yorkers will be allowed to load only 7 rounds.

Tonight, I am also very proud to announce a new law that was just passed by the legislature that will force gunmen committing a crime with an assault rifle to reload their thingies that hold the bullets in the gun in slow motion. This will give the innocent victims time to run, call the police, or dial our new New York Hotline to turn in the murderer for not following New York gun laws.

Any murderer caught reloading his thingie that holds the bullets on his assault rifle faster than 30 seconds will be charged with a Class A misdemeanor and will be subject to up to 100 hours of community service. Any citizen not in the act of committing murder caught reloading the thingie on his gun in less than 30 seconds will be charged with a Class A felony and will face a fine up to $1 million and possible life in prison without parole. Why this new law? Because we’re Democrats. We care.

As your Governor, and with the generous help from President Obama in the form of a federal grant, I am also very happy to announce a plan designed to get high-capacity thingies off the streets. It’s called Cash For Clips (I’m now being told “clips” are the thingies that hold bullets I’ve been telling you about) and will offer cash, condoms or clean drug needles to any New Yorker turning in a thingie clip to your local police department where it can be destroyed. You can also win cash rewards for turning in your friends, family, co-workers, etc who are in possession of these high-capacity clip thingies.

We are making great strides in keeping New Yorkers safe from the senseless gun violence that takes place millions of times daily in New York. But that is why you sent us to Albany. You wanted actions and not words. And that’s what we’re delivering to you! Because we’re Democrats. We really care.

Yours truly,

Governor Andrew Cuomo

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  1. Joe Stalin says:

    Remember kids, ONLY Government Employees can be trusted to have Big Mags; after all, isn’t that why you voted for us? After all, the news media polls, New York Times and New York Post editorials claim YOU cannot trust YOURSELVES with those awful assault weapons and large capacity magazines!

    Ain’t your elected representatives great? Just doing what your news media demands!

    And that after all IS “Democracy” in the People’s Republic of New York.

  2. Considering that many of our graduating seniors can’t even read… will they be exempt from prosecution if they load eight or nine rounds in a clip??? Just ask’n.

    • Hell Cuomo can’t read, but he has a shotgun. Someone must have read the manuel to him. Him and Doomberg are crackpots and little Mussolini’s to be. Perhaps they can get the same treat from the people La Duce got.


    Imperial govenor Andrew Cuomo Tarkin declars the U.S. CONSTITUTION as NULL & VOID In his little place the same as the rest of those whos foul stench youll reconise when your brought on board

  4. Thank you Governor Cuomo for protecting me….I now know that I can walk the streets in complete safety now, and I do not have to fear the criminal element in our society anymore………in your great wisdom you have in one felled swoop solved the problem of millions and millions of New Yorkers being killed every day by these hooligans carrying assault rifles……..

    People everywhere will be singing your praises because you have done what no else has been able to do…..everyone is now breathing a sigh of relief that finally now we are safe and do not have to worry about thugs disobeying the law…….

    Let’s hope that the rest of the 49 states follow your lead and begin their own programs to squeal on fellow citizens committing audacious crimes like putting eight bullets in their thingies……….It’s about time someone like you Governor Cuomo with real common sense had to stop this madness…….

    Like you have already said…..”It doesn’t take ten bullets to kill a deer”!!!

    Thank you Governor Cuomo, common sense has finally come to New York……..

  5. In my haste I have forgotten to thank all Democrats everywhere for this common sense approach to this uniquely American problem of of trying to protect themselves on their own……….

    Thank you Democrats for all you have done to disarm the gun crazed element of our great society………

    I would like to suggest a renaming of America to the reflect our new found sense of being free from the criminal element because of your legislation……

    I humbly submit my designation for renaming America to “”Utopia””…….

    Thank you Democrats….now, I finally know that you care………

  6. mike stoddard says:

    Cuomo and Obozo must think it is 1938 Germany and they and their party can rule with an iron fist.Because my Glock holds 14 rounds can I double down? Come on people and wake the hell up,stand up to these progressive/socilist democrats and run them out of office NOW! I also would like to thank the lowlife liberal bottom feeders from downstate for voting these anti-American scumbags into office,us upstaters won’t soon forget.

  7. I think that all shooters should have to count to 10 and take deep breaths before reloading their “clips”. This cooling off period would end continuous shooting and give the shooter a chance to reflect on his or her actions and how they would affect the community at large. Perhaps you should have to purchase yogurt when you purchase ammo so you could have a wholesome snack between reloads. Come on people, there are simple easy solutions to our problems if you would just sit back, light a candle, moisturize and chant for peace.

  8. New York is nothing more that a future snapshot of Amerika.

    With the RADICAL demograhic flip and the coming “minority majority”, we will have a Democrat majority. They will force the issue.
    You might have toturn off the porno, put down the ice cream, actually av to leave your comfort zone and get off the couch (dear Tea Partiers). “They’re comin”

    • One must not forget the Golden Bear State, Kalifornica. Its cracking down on the guns just as bad and ammo also, just slipping under the radar. I can buy guns from there and ship them to my FFL in Arizona. That same gun is illegal to purchase in Kalifornica. Stupidity! We need a wall between Arizona and Kalifornica as illegals are migrating from there as there is no work except Hollyweird.


    Cuomo and Bloomberg and Obama all aboard a leaky boat without life jackets and heading into a storm and surrounded by sharks

    • I wouldnt waste a boat on those turds. Just toss them in the sea with old blown up engine blocks tied to their ankles and let them swim….straight to the bottom

  10. http://cnsnews.com/blog/gregor.....16-billion
    Defacto Govt control of all ammo, even to police and Sheriffs, that’ll teach the Oathkeepers in service. Think of ramifications. “O” and Janet want all on their Knees begging for help.

  11. If the people of NY keep voting these assholes in they deserve what they get.

  12. Spurwing Plover says:

    Thanks Imperial Govenor Andrew Cuomo Tarkin for protecting state residents from themselves NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF AMERICA and take BLOOMBOOGERS with you

  13. Cinnamon Girl says:

    Just scary.

  14. Another black on white murder by the darling negro.


    You filthy ni**er, I hope you die in prison. Why do we keep supporting this cancer on America.

  15. Those large capacity assault clip thingies are starting to show up in the shops lately. About half what they were a month ago, which makes them only three times more than they were three months ago. Good thing I don’t need any.

    Gov Cuomo didn’t say anything about the dangerous black scary looking guns. I’m thinking about painting mine aquamarine so it won’t be tempted to start acting out.

    How are they gonna pay for all the New Yorkers’ pensions when they all start living to a ripe old age of 120? With free health care, and bans on big ass sodas and salt, and no gun crimes, it is turning into a gd utopia.

  16. I had to double check my beretta 92, counted them twice?!?

    Bunch of dorks!

    Blistered, out!

    • Blistered,

      Ever wonder about Bloomberg, Cuomo, and all the other politicians who push their frivolous agendas… I bet they were little sissy kids who never played sports and constantly got picked on. Don’t get me wrong… you didn’t have to play sports to be a cool kid, but I bet these guys were nerds at the very best. And now that they have some power… it is simply payback time.

      • I think you are right Paul these were the kids who got constantly picked on in school because they were gutless cowards with no balls. Just like today.

  17. Dear Gov Cuomo,

    Get on with it brother!

    Adolf Hitler

  18. I am so sick of communist like this asshat trying to monitor and manipulate the behavior of law abiding citizens instead of focusing thier efforts on the unlawful…

    they scream for smaller drinks and less calories because they say it cost the tax payers so much ( in medical costs ) but fail to crusade against the costly and irresponsible breeding habits of the ghetto cockroaches that vote for them…

    go fornicate yourself you marxist bastid!

  19. Quartier LeBlanc says:

    Yep, nothing like NY to show the way. Lets explain this simply. In NY if you’re a felon, intent on committing an armed robbery or driveby, you can only load 7 rounds ( provided you can count that high ) instead of 10 rounds into a magazine or you’ll get into trouble if you get caught. And they wonder why 80% of NYC HS grads don’t have adequate literacry skills?
    Cuomo was trying to grandstand himself into a solid position by the next POTUS election with a campaign strategy of trying to be the son of Obama. Now he looks pretty stupid, which by Democratic standards is a good thing.

    • Quartier LeBlanc says:

      It’s important to understand the Cuomo mindset. As a family they feel screwed over by the Democratic/Liberal establishment. His daddy, Mario, was supposed to get the nomination over Bill Clinton. Bill promised some scraps and the Cuomo’s were insulted that he only got to be undersecretary of HUD, a dead end position, till Henry Cisneros screwed up and Andrew got the top slot at HUD. Mario got put out to pasture. Twice Andrew has been snubbed by the DNC at runs for the US Senate, the first when the DNC picked Schumer and the second when they picked Hillary. He got lucky being elected Governor and rode Obama’s coattails into office, following a very stupid David Patterson who wouldn’t have been there in the first place if Elliot Spitzer hadn’t got caught paying for hookers on the NY State credit card. He’s looking to throw another 7 and get lucky once more, playing the same game of riding Obama’s coattails. You have to remember that this guy has hardly ever had a real job in his whole life.

  20. http://campaign.r20.constantco.....c-KA%3D%3D

    New York Oath Keepers Rally in Syracuse to demand Cuomo Resign


  21. Minuteman26 says:

    IMHO, the forceable overthrow of the present government of New York State would not be a bad thing based on current events there.

  22. Snake Oiler says:

    The treacherous Rupert Moloch – I don’t know how I missed this one…


    ‘otto – matic’

  23. Beavis Spiccoli says:

    That guy looks like uhh Satan! Ahhh he harshes my mellow buzz dude, I’m going back to Colorado.

  24. Leftist all over the country feel enabled by the chief Marxist, obama. They keep pushing and pushing as if they want a civil uprising. That is why they bought 2500 armored vehicles and 1 and a half billion rounds of ammo. Guess what you tyrants; that isn’t enough. Cuomo is so liberal he would make Lenin say,’Good Grief…this guy is too left for even me’. The people in New York must be brain dead.

  25. Retired Army Captain Warns DHS Acquisitions are ‘bold threat of war’ Against the American People

    Says Americans may have to prepare to defend themselves, and the U.S. Constitution, against the Obama Administration’s “coup” against the People