Ladies, how many times have you been walking along only to find yourself being raped or shot? We all know how inconvenient that can be! And how many times have you wished you were in a Gun Free Zone when some right-wing extremist clinging to his guns and religion comes along with his fully-semi automatic assault rifle with a semi-automatic, high-capacity clip blasting away at you? And when being raped, how many times have you wished you had a proven, Democrat-approved method to discourage your attacker? These common inconveniences can ruin your day!
Now there’s a way to avoid these bothersome rapists and gunmen! PC Products has the answer! It’s the Instant Personal Rape and Gun Free Zone! Never again will you be in the middle of being raped wishing you had some vomit, urine or poop to discourage your attacker only to find you had just gone to the bathroom and were on an empty stomach! And with the Instant Personal Rape and Gun Free Zone, no right-wing, armed teabaggers will dare to enter your personal space to do you harm!
Just put on the Instant Personal Rape and Gun Free Zone hat with included accessories and you’ll never have to worry about being attacked again! Each Rape Free Zone kit includes:
- 1 Rape and Gun Free Zone hat in the stylish colors of President Obama’s campaign logo!
- 1 gallon of authentic vomit from the Mexican village of Jalisco (long known as the highest-quality chunky vomit in the world)!
- 2 pints of high-amonia content urine from the only the finest Kentucky race horses!
- 2 five pound packages of our patented “Michael Moore Quality Poop®! Poop types include both “Food-Poisoning Diarreah” and “Post-Mexican dinner” authentic poop!
Plus, PC Products has enhanced our authentic vomit, urine, and poop recipes with special patented “anti-erection scents™” that will sap the desire from the horniest of rapists! The Michael Moore-quality poop alone will generally ward off even the most determined rapists! Combined with the Jalisco chunky vomit and the Kentucky Race Horse urine, you’ll feel free to walk even the streets of Detroit! So just throw away those old, worthless rape whistles and walk proudly to your next SlutWalk and march with your womyn sisters with pride and safety!
But wait! There’s more! Each Instant Personal Gun Free Zone kit includes:
- Our patented Anti-Bullet Force Field© bullet stopper that is guaranteed to stop any bullet up to .50 caliber! Chicago-proven!
- A flashing light certified by the Brady Foundation that will immediately identify yourself as a Gun Free Zone! The gunman will immediately recognize he is not allowed to enter your personal gun-free zone and will turn in his firearm at the nearest local gun buy-back program!
Why does PC Products do all this? Because we care! But wait, there’s more!
If you order now, we’ll also include a Code Pink-approved Vagina Outfit! That’s right! Any potential rapist will immediately identify you as a unwashed, smelly female with unshaven legs and underarms member of Code Pink not worth his time! Here’s an actual photo of a known sexual deviant recoiling from the Code Pink-approved vagina outfit:
All Instant Personal Rape and Gun Free Zone kits with certified Code Pink-approved Vagina Outfits are approved by the Democrat National Committee! And a portion of each sale will go to the “Hugo Chavez World-Leader Humanitarian Foundation!” So ladies, what are you waiting for! Each kit is only $99.99! Just call 1-800-INSTANT PERSONAL RAPE AND GUN FREE ZONE now! Our operators are standing. Bye!
* Optional Rosie O’Donnell, Hillary Clinton, Sheila Jackson Lee, and Whoopi Goldberg horror masks not included.