In Myrtle Beach, you better wear a respectable swimsuit! And you better show some respect for the Myrtle Beach Police author-i-tah! They don’t play around! Believe me, AWD has bailed out a few friends when I was a yoot causing trouble in Myrtle Beach. Probably from drinking all those dollar margariters!

Tiara Monique Garness, 22, of High Point, N.C., was arrested at 5 a.m. Friday in the 1700 block of Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Her crime? Being in possession of an unlawful thong swimsuit and having a big, bodacious boo-tay in public view.

Tiara Monique was warned twice by the MB constabulary (that’s police for all y’all goat ropers) and she told them:

“I ain’t going to cover up my got-damn thong swimsuit at got-damn Myrtle Beach and there ain’t a got-damn thang y’all can do about it. Ya’ll ain’t nuffin’ but a bunch of racists!”

She was shortly thereafter arrested for wearing a got-damn thong when it’s against the got-damn law to wear one in got-damn Myrtle Beach. Especially at 5 am in the got-damn manana. Allah knows AWD don’t want to even think about that thong if Tiara Monique had been wearing it all day until 5 the next morning! Here’s a photo of Tiara:

I think she’s lost her bridle!

AWD has a rule about swimsuits. If you’re a male, you need a big swimsuit. No Speedo’s or other swimwear popular with Democrats. AWD’s swimsuit could easily house a family of four comfortably just in the buttoid region. I could fit at least two illegal aliens in the crotchtal region up front. Anything with less material would identify the wearer of such as a European. Or a yankee. Or a Democrat. None of which will enhance your opportunities of reelin’ in the biscuit with a Southern babe in Myrtle Beach.

If you’re a womern, keep your swimsuit respectable. At Myrtle Beach, preferably a bikini with a Confederate Flag design. Always a crowd pleaser. But watch out for thongs. Especially if you have a bit in your mouth!

It’s entirely possible Tiara Monique might have been wearing just a regular swimsuit that was just swallowed by her bootilicious boo-tay. But a word to the wise….if you go to MB, you better have your big ol’ butt covered up. And you better not act like a yankee or you’re going to end up in the hoosegow.

AWD used to Spring Break in Myrtle Beach (actually Ocean Drive in North Myrtle Beach) when he was but a mere yoot in high school. Lawd, I can’t tell the stories here because either my mama or my high school girlfriend’s mama might read them and drive right on down to Texas and kill my big, sexy ass! Let’s just suffice it to say that AWD had more fun than a little bit. And I take the Fifth on everything else!

You may Open Post as you desire. AWD was at the Colonial golf tournament today with the bourgeoisie of Fort Worth and even had tournament sponsor badges. Which means AWD and the filly could go anywhere we wanted to go. Well, that’s what they told me when they gave us the badges. Apparently, they left off the part that we couldn’t stand on the greens while the golfers were putting. Lying bastids!

Last night was AWD and the filly’s anniversary. After dinner, we went to a bicycle race in our town. I think I’m gay.

Tonight’s Music That Doesn’t Suck is a Ray Wylie Hubbard jewel. Or two. Somebody mentioned they like Ray Wylie when I posted his “Screw You, We’re From Texas” a few days ago. Well, I like “Coolern’ Hell.” I bet you do too..or you might have been in that bike race last night! Somebody did a good job of editing this one:

Here’s another one I like off the Snake Farm album. Here’s Rabbit:

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  1. Love Hubbards music. stumbled on him via Powerline, got 4 of his albums. Dallas after Midnight is nice. Hell they are all good, just some better. Excellent word smith.

  2. Trippy Blues, I like it

  3. A bicycle race? A bicycle race?! Jeeze…the things we do for the little fillies.

  4. “Went to a bicycle race – I think I’m gay”
    Now that’s funny!

  5. PAmadwoman says:

    OMG, a bicycle race? Next you’ll be telling us you got a cat.

  6. AWD,

    1. Thanks for my first LOLz today! Hilarious, my friend. :)

    2. I love me some Myrtle Beach. Great place!

    3. Happy Anniversary and best wishes to you and the filly.

  7. We really DON’T mind thongs here in South Cackylacky, we just don’t
    always have enough eye-bleach on hand for some occasions.

  8. MichaelT says:

    Bicycle race? No tractor pulls there? Better do some shooting today, that will put you right.

  9. So, when are Al not so sharp and Jesse Jerkson going to show up and scream about the violation of the right of such a fine sistah to show off her huge scaly boo-tay in public and cause irreparable damage to white folks everywhere.

    AWD–Golf? Bicycle races? The influence of Austin (actually a suburb of Los Angeles) is contagious and spreading. The cure is to shoot some hogs, and donate the meat to the nearest Mosque. You’ll feel great in no time.

  10. AWD When I lived in San Diego we had a nude beach called blacks beach (I know racist) talk about wanting to rip your eyes out.

    P.S. Don’t forget to take a bubble bath and moisturize tonight.

  11. Hmmmmm…5 AM…thong… walking the streets.. Question #1..has she always been a woman ?..Photo raises the question.# 2 how much does she charge for her “favors” ?..Come on folks.. she was not going for a swim at 5 AM..looks like a non swimmer to me.

  12. She got the bridle bit and probably has an ass like a $1200 plow mule.

  13. OK. First of all, I’m not an angry white dude. I’m just a calm black girl, but this post was ABSOLUTELY hilarious! We find the same things disturbing about this incident. My assumptions….maybe she didn’t have any clothes or maybe she didn’t know what clothes were or maybe she was waiting to collect enough dollar bills to make a pair of pants? LOL….She looks TERRIFIED in that mugshot, so I can only assume that she didn’t think it would get as serious as it did. Here is a note for anyone reading this – when popo (I just discovered this term, believe it or not) tells you to put some cloth on that big booty – JUST DO IT! Otherwise, you will end up contributing to the state’s income in ways you didn’t expect (aka bail, fines, fees, etc). If you really must show your ba-donk-a-donk, just go to Florida! In Florida, you can feel free to show your shiny cheeks with impunity……at least for now :-)! Good day all and thanks for the hilarious post!

    • Mr. Very Smart says:

      Ms. Very Stupid calm black girl, I’ll be careful in this story because how do you know these cops didn’t arrest a black woman for having to big of a wagon behind her. In this world, in the media, in the entertainment business, they let black women know that their bodies are not welcomed or consider sexy. Go overseas and you won’t see many black models. Walk into any store and most of the clothes are meant to fit slim white women bodies. Believe or not but many don’t find a big rear end sexy, so maybe this cop arrest her because he doesn’t like big butts. The only time big black butts are glorified is in hip hop, rap, reality shows, so basically SENSELESS, USELESS material. Yeah, it’s a fact that black women behinds grow bigger than any other race of people, that is genetics. Yeah, she didn’t have to wear a thong, but she couldn’t help the size of her ass. It makes you think that if that was a flat booty white girl would the cops have arrested her? We’ll never know. I’m not a fan of big backyards, and yes I’m a black guy.

      • Old white girl with huge, well-covered, white behind says:

        Mr. Very Smart,

        Puhleeze don’t attribute everything to racism. Chances are really good that if thongs are prohibited, then wearers of thongs will get booted off the beach. If you want to play the race card, get the actual statistics of those who have been ejected. If you’re right that white thong-wearers are not confronted, I’ll apologize all over myself to you, and write nasty letters to the MB constabulary telling them to knock it off. Huge, bare, white behinds are much uglier than huge, bare, brown behinds. You know, that pasty blue-white thing.

  14. David in SC says:

    She must got loose from North Myrtle Beach,,,

  15. UCSPanther says:

    That broad has no business being out in public with piercings that make it look like she has a bit in her mouth.

  16. david7134 says:

    How about a world and a government were we stay out of other people’s lives. Sure, you can argue about being decent, but I don’t go to the beach any longer due to the large fat whales on the sand in regular suits, I throw up just thinking about it. I you little innocent child can’t handle the sight of a female in a sexy outfit, then you are likely raising one of those gender neutered folks. We spend far too much time worring about what others do.

  17. That wench is uglier than a mud fence! Ugh! Seeing that in a thong is a crime against humanity. I can imagine all that double wide asscheek hanging out…..enough to gag a maggot.

  18. Lightnin’ Hopkins and a pentatonic scale……

    A blonde Telecaster, 1955
    Dynacomp pedal, beer bottle for a slide
    A blackfaced Twin, with JBL’s…….

    Black mascara, L’Oreal on her lips
    Tribal tattoo, just above her hips
    A honky tonkin’ woman who wears her ink well
    Yeah, some things under heaven are just cooler’n hell

    One of my favorite all time tunes!!!!!! This is on my list of top 10 songs that I wish I wrote. Just the right amount of sleaze and attitude!!!!!!! They don’t get any cooler that Ray Wylie!

    As far as beach attire goes….I used to live on Sanibel Island in FLA…..People from up north would say that it must be great to go to the beach every day and check out all the beach bunnies……They didn’t quite get it when I told them that for every scantily clad hottie, there were at least 2 dozen manatee sized wimen-type-folk in French cut bikinis….NOT PRETTY!…..I only hope that the image I painted is not permanently seared into your memory.

  19. patthemick says:

    How about we have standards of dress. I for one get sick of watching hollywierd types parading around nearly naked. We have kids for Gods sake.

  20. Angry White Dudette says:

    Ok, son, your mama read your post. We gotta have a talk.