Yoo hoo! Ahoy polloi and happy Gay Pride Month! AWD is taking time from his uber-straight, real-man normal activities to bask in the warmth of LGBT diversity. As y’all know, AWD is all about diversity! Heeeeeyyyy!

I’m currently lavishly ensconced in my luxurious bathtub taking a marvelous bubble-bath (lavender-scented with Peruvian moisturizing crystals, of course!) as my kitty cat, Mr Mittens, sits closely by enjoying this peaceful moment. I’ve also put on my fave Kenny G tunes (he’s a genius!) to further enhance my chakra. No, a chakra is not a wang, you dirty-minded, homophobic goat-ropers! Actually, AWD isn’t exactly what a chakra is but I once heard a liberal use the word so I’m pretty sure it’s something gay. I’m not sure who is enjoying the music of the masterful Kenny G more….me or Mr Mittens! Kenny G, ahhhhhh….take me away with your melodic temptations! Later, a facial mask!

While soaking away my troubles and embracing Gay Pride Month and all its….ummm…well, gayness, I realized AWD has not done his part to truly understand gayness in its fullest expression. AWD is so straight, scientists can calibrate their instruments to me. I usually just hunt hogs and there’s not a lot of time in the field to reflect on being gay, moisturizing, and whatnot I’m sorry to say.

To help me better have an enlightened understanding of gayness, AWD thought I might take a Feng Shui (whatever the hell that is…and I don’t think it’s Chinese food) course and later redecorate my Casa del Amor in a more gay fashion. The little filly’s been telling me that all those empty ammo boxes and army cots are just not fashionable anymore. AWD’s decorating guide has always been, “if it’s good enough for The Duke, it’s good enough for me!” But maybe the filly is right, for once. Maybe I could get some rainbow rifle slings for my AR’s laying around or something. Put daisies in the barrels, I don’t know. I have always believed there might a more fashionable manner with which to display my arsenal. I’m pretty damn sure some Feng Shui sh*t would go a long way making AWD’s crib more attractive for when my more sensitive friends come over.

And I’ve always longed to learn culinary arts and create a scrumptuous lemon almondini souffle for when I return all hot and sweaty from my yoga classes! All these years, AWD has smoked cow and hog flesh over a hot, old smoker. That’s just so hetero! It won’t do anymore. Yes, a fabulous souffle and an enlightening discussion over green energy and the evils of the capitalist system would be to die for! Yummy!

Hey, now that the haters have rejected their homophobic ways, maybe I’ll join the Boy Scouts! When AWD was a scout, we didn’t have the Manscaping merit badge! We were too busy blowing sh*t up at the campground. Maybe I could show up at the next Pack meeting dressed in this fashion to help educate the straight scouts about tolerance, diversity and acceptance.

Yes! AWD will be the first to show those straight scouts that homosexuals are just like us! Yes, that’s it! Then, at our next big campout with all the other scout packs, ours could enter like this:

It would just be a smashing entrance worthy of Liberace!

Thank you, President Obama! Thank you for dedicating an entire month to 3% of the US population! It would just be…well, just plain awful, if you dedicated a month to the 97% of people who don’t march naked down the streets of our cities doing things that would make Bawney Fwank blush while demanding they be accepted as normal! That would just be hateful to honor those homophobic breeders. The now-diversified AWD would have to work himself into a little ol’ tizzy!

Hey, maybe July can be Muslim Terrorist Month! Allah knows they are misunderstood by the Islamaphobic hater teabaggers in America! Maybe we could have some public stonings and hangings! Hey, how about a mass marriage of 6 year old girls to elderly imams? Ahhh, the beauty of diversity!

Once again, thank you President Obama for dedicating June as Gay Pride Month. We should all be proud and grateful to learn that gays, lebanese, transgendered, bi-sexuals, tri-sexuals, quad-sexuals, will-do-anything sexuals, are just like everyone else! Especially when we see their parades!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, AWD is going to further enjoy by bubble bath and show Mr Mittens some attention. He gets so jealous! Luckily, we have Kenny G here to enhance the mood! Take it away, Kenny! By the way, I just love his hair!

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44 Comments

  1. AARRGGHH! My eyes! That hurt to read. I guess I’ll not be celebrating this month as I’m not gay. Although there was that one time in college on spring break down in Tijuana with that female Mexican midget. Does that count? Is that good enough to hang with the other pervs this month? Excuse me for a minute. I need to go do something manly real quick.

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  2. What the heck, this is as good a place as any to throw in junk in the trunk Mooch in the mix too..

    http://www.thegatewaypundit.co.....n-my-face/

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  3. In honor of LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH Pride Month, I’m baking fudge brownies. I’m packing the batter really dense.

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  4. I guess we can chip in and send you a box of chocolate.

    http://moonbattery.com/?p=31310

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  5. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    San Fransico a place where normal people dont go to becuase its a liberal rainbow freakhouse like Soddum and Gamora and frankly need to feel the wrath of god on them

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    • San Francisco isn’t the weirdo freak show that it used to be. What it has become more than anything is the American banking-finance center of Pan-Asian/Pacific international trade. The business establishment has recently lapped past the LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH types on the SF City Board of Supervisors. Hint: It recently voted to make public nudity a violation of city ordinances once again.

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  6. Brilliant post AWD. Allow me to share a true story that happened to me a few years ago. I was working in the airline industry here in SA. I was part of the operations team and part of that job was to deliver the flight plan documents to the cockpit so that the crew could check the weather, fuel requirements etc.

    The airport manager of that specific airline (cannot mention it), told me to be careful of this captain. I asked why and he just smiled. Anyway, I went up to the cockpit and greeted the crew. In the captain’s seat was what I can only describe as a very well built female captain. Now, this is where it gets interesting. The captain turned around and greeted me with the most masculine voice that I have heard in quite some time.

    Well, that ruined my day but the best was yet to come. Later on that day, when the flight was ready to depart, I once again went to the front with their final flight documents. Now this is where I put my foot in it BIG TIME!!! After all the paperwork was done, I always had a habit of saying “Guten Flug mein herr”. which is German for have a good flight sir. Well, I said it and as I was saying it I realised that I had made a serious error in protocol as the captain (who used to be a male) was now a female.

    Said captain turns around and snarls at me and says, I am not a sir, I am a lady. I apologised, turned around and walked out. After the flight, I went to the manager’s office and recounted what happened. The manager burst out laughing and told me that this captain has issues all over the world.

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    • Can’t help it…I’m laughing too. – Capped my night off…at least I have a smile on my face with your great description of the scenario!

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  7. I remember the first GAY PRIDE in SF the message was not about marriage but about young young men when asked by SF Newspapers but you wont see there old message because they have since downplayed it, just like the BS story the meaning of being a practicing homosexual Now days no such thing, back in the 80s very common, so much Homo change and cover-ups just shows they force feed the dumb down with there BS daily.

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  8. bargis tryhol says:

    In the spirit of Gay Pride here’s a story about how gay pride is being celebrated in Afghanistan…

    http://satireworld.com/world-n.....dly-bombs/

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    • Oh that was funny. Pink turbans – LOL. I cannot stop laughing. My coffee is on hold at the moment as well

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  9. MichaelT says:

    Poor gays.

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  10. So glad you’re normal Dude! You’re satire nailed it. The gehyafication of a nation is pathetic and obscene. As a angry white grandma I remember the days of chivalry and men being men. When the left has us all confused as to what we are even born to be they can deem as all mentally-ill and take away all self-defense since we are incompetent to protect ourselves. Then they’ll give us pills and tell us we’re alright. Oh, the twisted logic of it all. Mind control through sex equality? It’s a real sick bunch running the insane asylum.

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  11. These pole smokers and carpet munchers make me sick. What is there to be proud of when your a walking freak show? Ugh…enough to make you vomit its so gross. And of course these sickening sexual deviants are all diehard libtards!

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  12. bargis tryhol says:

    Major Wow factor! Even the US military is celebrating Gay Month…

    http://satireworld.com/politic.....an-border/

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    • roflmao, fighting 69th, death from behind.

      However if there were such a thing as an all gay military unit, they would be sweating in thier panties at the thought of being deployed in the Mid-East by President Obama.

      Look how well that worked out for Ambassador Chris Stevens, when you need Cross Border Authority right now, Obama will be planning his next golf outing or celebrity photo op.

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  13. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Frankly they can take their GAY PRIDE and shove it up their a** their totaly immoral and they stink as well

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    • Nostradumbass says:

      I’m pretty sure shoving their gay “pride” up someone else’s a** is what being gay is all about. Course some of them swallow their “pride”, so there’s that too.

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  14. Dude you got me worried,

    I know this was written as satire but the imagery was so, ahem, so… Gay.

    Please shoot 2 Hogs and say 1 Hail Mary, and promise never to go Gay again.

    However I am glad you got a cat, but they don’t really like Listening to Kenny G, now please teach it something useful like knife combat.

    Yours in Bloggery,

    Waspish

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  15. I can not, for the life of me, understand how 3% of the population can get so much traction on this subject. They overtake the media and get laws changed with just a wave of their puffy hand! Glad my dad has passed on and does not have to see this crap going on. He was a tough Navy man, and fought for these freedoms……that are just slipping away.

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    • Many of them have a lot of money and political clout. Plus most of them are democrat libtards so of course the party of ass kowtows to them for votes.

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  16. I have a cat, but he hates Kenny G. Once it happened to be playing on television (I think it was during a commercial), and he immediately jumped in front of it, scratched the screen, and glared at me as if to say “that’s what’s gonna happen to you if you EVER allow that music to be played again.” But then I put on some Metallica, and that fixed him right up.

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  17. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIfqM95WRYk
    That is the gayest thing I have ever seen since gay went to gay town.

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  18. *sorry I couldn’t post this with my other posting – damn Android phone*… Seriously, though, good post (as usual). I don’t mind gays so much, actually. If they’re consenting adults, then they can do what they want in the privacy of their own home. And that includes getting married. What I do NOT like, though, is when they get all in my face – which I don’t like anyone of ANY persuasion doing. Nor do I like it when they try to force their opinions on me – which also is true of anybody as far as I’m concerned. And I especially do not like laws being passed trying to force me to act, speak, and THINK in a way that is dictated by our government, just to please that 3% of the population. Those aren’t hate laws, or civil rights, or anti-discrimination laws. Those are THOUGHT CRIME laws. Which is one of the few things I will NOT tolerate.

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  19. I think the first picture is of a gay tight end that plays for the raiders.

    Sorry raiders fans.

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  20. AWD,

    Since the crew will be sitting around the campfire in some thirty five days… you’ll be happy to know that I’m killing a cat to celebrate gay pride month.

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  21. Found this on the web. I find it sickening that a gay flag can be on the same pole as your flag. A flag that once stood as a symbol of power. A symbol of what freedom meant. A symbol of help for those who needed help. A symbol of victory.

    http://patriotpost.us/alexander/13542

    When will that flag once again represent power, freedom, help and victory? It has to, there is no other option. That flag needs to be flown with the attitude and pride that represents what the USA meant to all those who looked up to her.

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  22. There is absolutely nothing to be proud of being a sickening sexual deviant. These repulsive bastards are among the most sickening turds to ever disgrace society. Instead of scorned and shunned..the liberal left embraces them like the sick bastards they really are. Anything for a vote! Birds of a feather I guess. Im sorry, but if I were a politician, the last segment of society Id want support from is a gaggle of sexual deviants that cant even determine what sex they are. I cant sell myself out like a democrat no matter how much money is involved. Somehow the idea of standing up behind a podium to give a speech, and looking out into a crowd of cross genders, cross dressers, transvestites, lesbians, bulldykes and other assorted sexual misfits would probably make me vomit into the microphone before I could even speak.

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    • Nostradumbass says:

      there is only one thing that applies to this:

      “I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”

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      • Exactly…kowtowing to fags and dykes is both futile and stupid on the libtard lefts part…but would we expect any less?

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    • Wayne Washburn says:

      Bwaaa Ha Ha ! , thanks dude , LMAO ! .

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  23. aceydoozy says:

    Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.

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  24. I liked it better when it was just called Sodomy Awareness Month.

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  25. Wait, you mean you have a gay month in America? Is that for real?

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    • Brought to you by the democrats of course. We also have a black history month. Nothing like 2 months of celebrating sexual deviants and blacks who contribute nothing to society but crime and misery.

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  26. Q. Why do gays prefer “ribbed” condoms?

    A. Better traction in the mud!

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  27. On this topic, here’s a country getting better and more sane every day:

    http://www.independent.co.uk/n.....52840.html

    Wouldn’t it be great is America followed suit?

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  28. Looks like Russia is getting it right:

    http://www.theblaze.com/storie.....36-0-vote/

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