Shama-lama-ding dong and welcome infidel pigs to latest Sunday night edition of ‘Ask the Imam.’ The Imam hopes you didn’t forget that the Imam hates your infidel guts!

The Imam is getting ready to watch the Miss Infidel Universe pageant and watch all those disgusting daughters of Satan display their flesh for infidel trash like the Angry White Infidel (may great shame be upon him for watching only the swimsuit competition!). The Imam is pulling for Miss Iran who will sport her new burkini that accentuates her luscious balala’s to prove to the world Muslim women are the true women of beauty…under their black tents. However, a word of warning! If you infidels look at Miss Iran, Allah will cause for your eyeballs to explode!

Tonight, the Imam will once again answer common questions from enlightened Muslims so you unworthy infidel dogs can learn more about Islam, the religion of peace. OK, on to this week’s questions:

Q: Wise Imam, the Quran says in surah Al-Nour “corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women – just as good women are for good men, and good men, for good women.” But I like my women a little on the trashy side. Will Allah hate my guts for this?

A: In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Freaky-Deaky, the Imam gives you this fatwa. Muhammed himself was pulled a few babushkas out of a bowling alley back in the day so go ahead and head over to the wrong side of the tracks and find that infidel cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig! Too much lipstick, too much rouge, will get you excited kinda feeling confused, go ahead and get you a infidel womern on the trashy side!

Q: O wise Imam, I have found that reading the Quran goes perfect to Pink Floyd’s Meddle album after drinking a fifth or two of Jack Daniels. What message should I take from that?

A: Shame be upon you! To ask such a question will bring a light-running jihad on you pronto! Everyone knows Allah prefers Floyd’s ‘Wish You Were Here’ during Koran reading! Shine On, You Crazy Infidel is actually number one on his Walkman! Also, are you sure you aren’t Catholic?

Q: Holy Imam, many Muslims travel to Medinah and Mecca to be married. My fiance and I want to be married at Myrtle Beach…you know, play some miniature golf, ride the rides and eat some snow cones. Will our marriage be blessed by Allah?

A: In the name of Allah, He with the most knowledge, patience and frequent flyer miles. Myrtle Beach is forbidden to Muslims! It is full of infidel deception! Once at Myrtle Beach, the Imam lost his golf ball on hole 18 of the Goony Golf Putt Putt…the ball goes in the hole but doesn’t come back! A jihad was immediately placed on Goony Golf and the dinosaur on hole #3 was blown up.

Another reason to avoid Myrtle Beach, you will be run over by a infidel tourist from Ohio wearing white socks with sandals driving a rusted out mini-van with 8 kids! Your marriage will be much better off with a camel and Mecca!

Q: My wife is a liar with me. I send her money but when I ask her the balance she says it is 1,000 when I know it is 5,000. I want know in Islam what is the punishment for that.

A: Imam recommends you to use wisdom and speak to your wife with love and affection, advising her regarding the ill effects of speaking lies. Do not be insensitive as this may be detrimental. If it is possible, find out as to why she is speaking lies, then judge the situation and remedy it. Then chop her head off and find a better wife who spends less money. A lesson for you infidels, too!

OK, enough wisdom from the Imam for now. Imam is burning with the fires of 1000 Israeli school buses for the swimsuit competition with that babe-a-lonian Miss Iran. Hope she shaved her legs! If she loses to a bunch of skinny infidel women….well, she doesn’t even want to think about that! So long, infidels! I hate you!

P.S. Here is a video from my Imam brother about Islamic hygiene and smelling my new bride’s armpits!

And, as always, the Imam leaves you with The Dance of the 1000 Imams. Oh, that reminds the Imam! Several infidels have suggested that the Imam in this video is not a Muslim, but an infidel Sikh! Don’t make the Imam put a fatwa on your ass!

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    Forget it creeps you islam will not dominate the world so GO AWAY,GET A LIFE

  2. Dave in Texas says:


    • Ditto that. I don’t know where AWD comes up with stuff like this…but it sure as heck makes for some good laughter…and lord knows, we sure as hell need that now!

      • Mr. Rational says:

        MEMRI is a gold mine of this stuff.

        It’s a pity that more leftoids can’t be persuaded to watch it, because I’m sure we could harness the energy of the exploding heads to fulfill the Obama goal of replacing coal-burning powerplants and the organic matter could probably be fermented into enough fuel to get rid of oil imports.

        (note for everyone concerned, the previous paragraph is sarcasm.)

  3. Imam

    Is it ok I smoke a camel cigarette (non filter of course) filters are for pussies. I heard they were Turkish blend but noticed they are both Turkish and American blend. Will I be cursed with infidel cancer?

    Goat boy

  4. AWD what have you been smoking dude? LoL

  5. Maybe someday the muzzies will get closer to the 15th century and modernize.

  6. rightwingterrorist says:

    Shamma lamma ding dong, Angry White Imam!
    It is with great regret that I notice you are not of the same sect of islam that I am from. A fatwa is rightfully issued for the removal of your head and the stoning of your great multitudes of welfare recieving wives and children!
    Any true believer of the great liar…er…prophet Uncle Mo (great heaping buckets of camel piss be upon his head!) knows that the holy koran states in sura 3:55 that “Good men are for bad boys and bad boys are for good men.” followed by sura 3:56 “Bad men are for good boys and good boys are for bad men.” unless, of course, those Dolly Parton wig wearing, lipsitck smearing women are actually men. In which case all bets are off. Just ask the Pakastanis, death be upon them.
    I would also bet you use 2 stones and a wadd of camel dung to cleanse yourself. That is also haram. May you lose your head twice and your great multitude of wives and children lose their welfare before thier stonings.
    Piss and death be upon you!

    Clean yourself with an odd number of stonesNarrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Whoever performs ablution should clean his nose with water by putting the water in it and then blowing it out, and whoever cleans his private parts with stones should do it with odd number of stones.”

    Sahih Bukhari 1:4:162Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Whoever performs ablution should clean his nose with water by putting the water in it and then blowing it out, and whoever cleans his private parts with stones should do it with odd number of stones.”

    Sahih Bukhari 1:4:162Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: When anyone wipes himself with pebbles (after answering the call of nature) he must make use of an odd number and when any one of you performs ablution he must snuff in his nose water and then clean it.

    Sahih Muslim 2:458Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (way peace he upon him) said: When anyone performs ablution he must clean his nose and when anyone wipes himself with pebbles (after answering the call of nature) he must do that odd number of times.

    Sahih Muslim 2:460Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) say: When anyone wipes himself with pebbles (after answering the call of nature) he should do this odd number of times.

    Sahih Muslim 2:463[edit] Do not clean yourself with less than three stonesSalman said that (one among) the polytheists remarked: I see that your friend even teaches you about the excrement. He replied; Yes, he has in fact forbidden us that anyone amongst us should cleanse himself with his right hand, or face the Qibla. He has forbidden the use of dung or bone for it, and he has also instructed us not to use less than three pebbles (for this purpose).

    Sahih Muslim 2:505Narrated Salman al-Farsi: It was said to Salman: Your Prophet teaches you everything, even about excrement. He replied: Yes. He has forbidden us to face the qiblah at the time of easing or urinating, and cleansing with right hand, and cleansing with less than three stones, or cleansing with dung or bone.

    Abu Dawud 1:7 [edit] Do not use dung or bonesNarrated Abdullah ibn Mas’ud: A deputation of the jinn came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: O Muhammad, forbid your community to cleans themselves with a bone or dung or charcoal, for in them Allah has provided sustenance for us. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade them to do so.

    Abu Dawud 1:39 Narrated Abu Huraira: I followed the Prophet while he was going out to answer the call of nature. He used not to look this way or that. So, when I approached near him he said to me, “Fetch for me some stones for ‘ cleaning the privates parts (or said something similar), and do not bring a bone or a piece of dung.” So I brought the stones in the corner of my garment and placed them by his side and I then went away from him. When he finished (from answering the call of nature) he used, them .

    Sahih Bukhari 1:4:157Narrated ‘Abdullah: The Prophet went out to answer the call of nature and asked me to bring three stones. I found two stones and searched for the third but could not find it. So took a dried piece of dung and brought it to him. He took the two stones and threw away the dung and said, “This is a filthy thing.”

    Sahih Bukhari 1:4:158Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) forbade the use of bone or the droppings of camels for wiping (after excretion).

    Sahih Muslim 2:506Narrated Ruwayfi’ ibn Thabit: … The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: You may live for a long time after I am gone, Ruwayfi’, so, tell people that if anyone ties his beard or wears round his neck a string to ward off the evil eye, or cleanses himself with animal dung or bone, Muhammad has nothing to do with him.

  7. Hahaha Confederate Railroad baybah!

  8. Michael T says:

    15 republicans who voted for cloture on the amnesty bill.

    Lamar Alexander
    Kelly Ayotte
    Jeffrey Chies
    Susan Collins
    Bob Corker
    Jeff Flake
    Lindsey Graham
    Orrin Hatch
    Dean Heller
    John Hoeven
    Mark Kirk
    John McCain
    Lisa Murkowski
    Marco Rubio
    Roger Wicker

  9. The Holy Qur’an and the Prophet’s Hadiths are quite clear about spousal relations. If your wife disobeys, you must speak to her about her disobedience. If she does not listen, you may beat her in a controlled and mild fashion. If she still disobeys, you must consult your imam and ask his guidance, which you must convey to your wife. If she continues to defy you, you may divorce her and send her back to her father, if he will have her. You are under no obligation to return the goats which she came with. They are your compensation for having fed and clothed her. Her unworthiness is her family’s problem, not yours.