Shama-lama-ding dong and welcome infidel pigs to latest Sunday night edition of ‘Ask the Imam.’ The Imam hopes you didn’t forget that the Imam hates your infidel guts!
The Imam is getting ready to watch the Miss Infidel Universe pageant and watch all those disgusting daughters of Satan display their flesh for infidel trash like the Angry White Infidel (may great shame be upon him for watching only the swimsuit competition!). The Imam is pulling for Miss Iran who will sport her new burkini that accentuates her luscious balala’s to prove to the world Muslim women are the true women of beauty…under their black tents. However, a word of warning! If you infidels look at Miss Iran, Allah will cause for your eyeballs to explode!
Tonight, the Imam will once again answer common questions from enlightened Muslims so you unworthy infidel dogs can learn more about Islam, the religion of peace. OK, on to this week’s questions:
Q: Wise Imam, the Quran says in surah Al-Nour “corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women – just as good women are for good men, and good men, for good women.” But I like my women a little on the trashy side. Will Allah hate my guts for this?
A: In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Freaky-Deaky, the Imam gives you this fatwa. Muhammed himself was pulled a few babushkas out of a bowling alley back in the day so go ahead and head over to the wrong side of the tracks and find that infidel cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig! Too much lipstick, too much rouge, will get you excited kinda feeling confused, go ahead and get you a infidel womern on the trashy side!
Q: O wise Imam, I have found that reading the Quran goes perfect to Pink Floyd’s Meddle album after drinking a fifth or two of Jack Daniels. What message should I take from that?
A: Shame be upon you! To ask such a question will bring a light-running jihad on you pronto! Everyone knows Allah prefers Floyd’s ‘Wish You Were Here’ during Koran reading! Shine On, You Crazy Infidel is actually number one on his Walkman! Also, are you sure you aren’t Catholic?
Q: Holy Imam, many Muslims travel to Medinah and Mecca to be married. My fiance and I want to be married at Myrtle Beach…you know, play some miniature golf, ride the rides and eat some snow cones. Will our marriage be blessed by Allah?
A: In the name of Allah, He with the most knowledge, patience and frequent flyer miles. Myrtle Beach is forbidden to Muslims! It is full of infidel deception! Once at Myrtle Beach, the Imam lost his golf ball on hole 18 of the Goony Golf Putt Putt…the ball goes in the hole but doesn’t come back! A jihad was immediately placed on Goony Golf and the dinosaur on hole #3 was blown up.
Another reason to avoid Myrtle Beach, you will be run over by a infidel tourist from Ohio wearing white socks with sandals driving a rusted out mini-van with 8 kids! Your marriage will be much better off with a camel and Mecca!
Q: My wife is a liar with me. I send her money but when I ask her the balance she says it is 1,000 when I know it is 5,000. I want know in Islam what is the punishment for that.
A: Imam recommends you to use wisdom and speak to your wife with love and affection, advising her regarding the ill effects of speaking lies. Do not be insensitive as this may be detrimental. If it is possible, find out as to why she is speaking lies, then judge the situation and remedy it. Then chop her head off and find a better wife who spends less money. A lesson for you infidels, too!
OK, enough wisdom from the Imam for now. Imam is burning with the fires of 1000 Israeli school buses for the swimsuit competition with that babe-a-lonian Miss Iran. Hope she shaved her legs! If she loses to a bunch of skinny infidel women….well, she doesn’t even want to think about that! So long, infidels! I hate you!
P.S. Here is a video from my Imam brother about Islamic hygiene and smelling my new bride’s armpits!
And, as always, the Imam leaves you with The Dance of the 1000 Imams. Oh, that reminds the Imam! Several infidels have suggested that the Imam in this video is not a Muslim, but an infidel Sikh! Don’t make the Imam put a fatwa on your ass!