In honor of Perversion Pride Month, here’s a repost of my second contribution to AWD, originally posted back in July of 2011. I probably should have stopped then.

Anyone else catch this story in the New York Times this morning?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/20/us/health/obesity-quilt.html

A Stitch in Time Saves Lives
Obesity activists attempt to depict the human toll of government neglect

By CARL MATTS
Published: July 20, 2011

Elephantitis

Fee fi fo fum...

NEW YORK — Advocates pushing for increased federal funding for OIINK prevention and research have begun a fund-raising and PR campaign to help raise awareness about the plight of those stricken with the disease.

Activists have collected cloth and silk squares, uniquely decorated with dedications to loved ones, from families who have been affected by OIINK. Stitched together, they form an enormous “Obesity Quilt” that “helps the public visualize the scale and impact” of this epidemic, according to OIINK Activists United spokesperson, Anita Dhunp.

Activist and actress Faneane Farofalo, who is donating her star power to the campaign, explains, “By taking this [quilt] around the country—particularly to college campuses teeming with insecure, emotionally-volatile, and camaraderie-desperate adolescents who have access to Daddy’s checkbook—we can get the word out that our government is sitting around doing nothing while people are dying of a horrible disease. A disease that has no cure!”

“Our goal is to empower communities to proactively engage their federal representatives to bring about positive change,” she added.

OIINK—Obesity, Insulinemia, Interstitial Nephritis, and Ketonemia, officially—is a spectrum disorder afflicting an estimated 80 million Americans, and more than 300 million worldwide. Though it’s not believed the underlying disease (the Human Exercisodeficiency Virus, or HEV) causes death, OIINK renders its victims susceptible to a host of secondary diseases which ultimately prove fatal.

To date, a cure remains elusive.

“Everyone must chip in and play their part to help bring about an end to this disease,” Dhunp said, while stuffing a Monster Thickburger in her mouth and washing it down with a 64-oz Jolt Ultra. “Government hasn’t done nearly enough to fund research into prevention and cure—and if it were up to the Republicans in the House, well, they’d watch their fat kids die of heart attacks before they’d even think about raising taxes on their corporate jet-owning millionaire cronies!”

“That’s why we have to rally our base,” she added. “And force their [government’s] hand.”

But critics argue that businesses and tax payers should not be compelled to foot the bill—potentially costing tens of billions of dollars—for finding a cure for a disease “that is wholly preventable by simple, cheap, and entirely effective means, accessible to anyone—and contracted only through one’s own irresponsible behavior.” That’s according to Don Thomas, President and CEO of the radical right-wing group, the U. S. Chamber of Commerce (which may or may not be a front for a burgeoning U. S.-based Neo-Nazi party).

But Dhunp counters, “This is the myth that’s perpetuated by those on the extreme right: That somehow obesity is a ‘choice’, and by choosing it, people deserve to suffer from horrible diseases like OIINK.”

“The fact is,” she continued, “we are born this way. It’s in our genes! So it’s literally cruel and unusual punishment to ask people like me not to eat as much as we want to, or to get up and move around when all we want to do is watch TV. And ‘straight people’ who eat all ‘healthy’ and get regular exercise don’t understand how unfair it is that people like me have to suffer all of these adverse health effects as a result of who we are! That’s why everyone should pay scientists to develop a medicine that allows us to be completely indulgent without ever having to deal with any consequences. What’s so ‘wrong’ about that? I mean, who are the real terrorists here?”

“Bull-[expletive],” responded Thomas—who may or may not have ties to white supremacist groups around the country—when presented with this argument.

Farofalo laughs off such criticism. “These are nothing but a bunch of tea-bagging rednecks—hate-filled, bigoted, functional retards who honestly believe that gorging your face night and day with processed, anti-nutritious foodstuffs while literally growing into your couch is somehow ‘unnatural’—and that people who are into that sort of thing are somehow ‘different’ than you and me.”

“Yes, it’s a real shame,” says New York Times conservative columnist Bravid Dooks. “It’s the extreme element of the party, these fundamentalist—and, frankly, rather extreme—Christian types who still espouse moral anachronisms like ‘gluttony’ and ‘sloth’ being ‘sinful’. I just shake my head…I mean, it’s 2011 people! Do you know how silly this makes us look to the Europeans?”

The quilt will make its debut at this year’s “Fat Pride” parade in New York City, followed by a “coming out” party at Chow in Manhattan’s East Village. Supporters—obese or not—are encouraged to attend.

“All-you-can eat frosted deep-fried butter, our famous schmaltz & corn syrup cocktails, and great company—all for just a small donation at the door,” says Chow owner Richard Izidden.

When asked if he or anyone else from the Chamber of Commerce will attend, Thomas—who may or may not have raped thousands of starving, orphaned children in Africa—gave a characteristically monosyllabic answer: “No.”

Related

Obesity activists push for right to marry bacon cheeseburgers

Equinox sued for firing obese, scooter-bound fitness instructor

Holder overturns physical fitness requirements for Army, Marines; says unlawfully discriminates against obese

New obesity quotas rankle traditionalists on America’s Olympic, professional athletic teams

Obama lauds rise of obesity in America’s workforce as ‘positive step in the right direction’

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee claims exercise, healthy eating ‘racist’

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9 Comments

  1. eekalouse says:

    I quote my deceased father in law’s diet plan, “Push yourself away from the table.”

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  2. MichaelT says:

    The link to the NYT article does not work.

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  3. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Just another liberal activists group looking for More Goverment Bigger Goverment in our lives with the usial wheatgerm inhaling health freaks from the FDA or CSPI,PRRM, forcing us into strict diets recomended by a bunch of wanks what we dont need are these wackos controling our lives. I would prefer a LOST FREEDOMS QUILT instead

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  4. This is a joke…….RIGHT?

    BTW…..islam sucks.

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  5. From banned libtard troll Jeff Zito (http://eatingahobo.com/?page_id=5):
    “P.S. RedStateNY, raging homophobe, is probably just a closeted homosexual. It’s well-established that those fools who bray loudest against homosexuality are those most likely to practice it in secret.”

    I love comments like this. Criticize homosexuality? Homophobe! Intelligently criticize the rank debauchery that is the “gay community”? Closet homosexual! See how that works?

    Oh, were a libtard ever capable of actual argumentation and not just name-calling. But then, I guess they wouldn’t be libtards.

    PS: Love the “It’s well established…” part. Really? Citations please, oh party of science! lol

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  6. Hilarious! Like how you got Garafalo in the mix with your word play.

    Btw…Sheila Jackson Lee ought to take her own advice.

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  7. O yes, obesity. Years back the LA Times had a page 1 story [no joke, for real] ..A photo of a 500? pound black drag queen – hooker who was in the hospital w health complications. S/he had a huge tumor and they
    put that pic on page 1…gees.
    die-versity.

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  8. When do joos tire of bashing Christians ? [ I am not a Christian but still see the agenda]:

    “Yes, it’s a real shame,” says New York Times conservative columnist Bravid Dooks. “It’s the extreme element of the party, these fundamentalist—and, frankly, rather extreme—Christian types who still espouse moral anachronisms like ‘gluttony’ and ‘sloth’ being ‘sinful’. I just shake my head…I mean, it’s 2011 people! Do you know how silly this makes us look to the Europeans?

    O yes those ‘tolerant’ euro beta men.

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  9. If they want to cut obesity ….fine, cut off all the welfare to the 350 pound breed sows who sit on their fat asses collecting a check every month to breed and eat. …and yes…ISLAM still sucks!

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