Talk to a liberal womern long enough (I wouldn’t advise it for anybody) and they’ll sooner or later get around to talking about their vaginas and how they don’t want government in it…or something. Let me tell you one damn thing, AWD is no damn vagina doctor (although I majored in freelance gynecology in college) but that would have to be one big damn vagina to put government in it! Especially the way other libtards (with and without vaginas) have grown that sumbitch over the past decades!

I guess why libtarded womerns always talk about their vaginas is because they want to remind us they have one. Most liberal womerns are beastly creatures with poor hygiene and poorer social skills, so it’s not likely anyone (except another stinky, libtarded bufforilla) would want anything to do with said vagina. Just thinking about it makes AWD want to ralph! BLLLAAAATTT! (sound of ralphing)

A Texas libtarded beast named Katie Heim actually wrote a poem comparing her vagina to a gun. Well now, little filly, you got AWD’s attention! Hey, maybe she can be the poet laureate at Hillary’s inauguration since Dims like poems that don’t make any sense! Also, Hillary seems to like the tingly parts of other womerns. That’s the ruma!

Here’s the poem (with comments from AWD):

If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights, (I would if you were a good looking, conservative womern. I like vaginas and I like guns. From my cold dead fingers you can pry my guns and vaginas!)

You would ride on buses and fight all the fights. (Honey, the Big Sexy has a job and don’t ride no damn bus! Too many liberals with vaginas on them. I happen to have a bad-ass F150 blasting out Dale Watson while running over Smart Cars..but I will fight me a fight!)

If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care, (Absolutely! I would disassemble your vagina like my AR15, clean out the carbon and copper deposits, soak that bad boy in solvent, oil it up so it was ready for the next time! But, since you’re a libtarded bufforilla, there will be no next time with your vagina since there would never be a first time! I’m sure you’re used to that.)

You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there. (Yes, I prefer you keep all your secrets stuffed up your vagina…and might I recommend another place?)

If my vagina was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private (I’m not sure what your vagina is holding but it sure as sh*t ain’t holding a Magpul 30 round magazine like my AR, I guaran-damn-tee you…unless you’re some sexual freakazoid who should be living in California)

From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot. (AWD would definitely riot over my guns. I might over someone trying to take a vagina from me. I definitely would have rioted over a vagina in younger years, especially after my divorce!)

If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected, no matter the body count or the children affected. (Hey, aren’t you libtards fighting to abort babies even after they’re born? How does that affect “the children?” Not too good, does it?? You have the right to your nasty vagina. I have the right to throw up thinking about it!)

If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security, concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity. (Honey, I hope you do keep that vagina of yours concealed, I’m sure it’s kind of horrifying! I don’t know about bypassing security but I know a lot of babes with vaginas that have gotten a lot of backstage passes at concerts, though.)

If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you, I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do. (Honey, the way you libtarded hagfish look, get used to begging! As for hunting, try bringing down a north Texas hog with your tingly parts! Not as easy as it sounds! And I’ve yet to see a female with a vagina that could parallel park!)

But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing, (My Glock might disagree!)

With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring. (What?! Your vagina can talk? I’ve heard of that down in Tijuana! Can it also smoke a cigarette? You might have employment one day after all!)

Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic, (This ain’t my first rodeo, bay-bah!)

So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic. (You want government out of your vagina? I say we must deploy troops immediately to Katie Heim’s vagina!)

My vagina’s here to demand from the source, (Honey, demand all you like but you and your vagina can go bake me a pie!)

Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force. (I’ve felt my fair share of the full force of vaginas over the years but none were as mouthy as yours…and the vagina and their owners would always bake me a pie….afterwards)

You know, that really wasn’t a very good poem at all now that I think about it! It didn’t even rhyme! She could have worked in something like:

“Nothing could be finer than drinking a Shiner after working out on that vagina!”

I just got a chill.

Don’t get AWD wrong! AWD loves him some vaginas (well, only one since the filly tricked me into marrying her after a three-week drunk in Vegas)! It’s the other parts that are attached to the vagina I’ve had a hard time living with!

You don’t hear attractive, conservative women going around talking about their vaginas in public. Not that I’d have a problem with that. But it’s just something liberals are fascinated with! Kind of like dogs eating their own poop…you just can’t explain it. Maybe libtarded womerns think they need to protest something in groups to remind us they’re actually females. It’s often so easy to confuse them with the herd out grazing in the back forty.

Now you want to compare something to a gun, AWD could write all night about my ginormous Love Gun! Locked and loaded, bay-bah! Big and mean and loaded with tos-test-o-rene! I just made that up on the sperm of the moment! Hell, I ought to start writing poety! Ain’t nothing to that mess. Especially if a libtarded, lebanese wildebeest can write it!

I’m going to dedicate this Music That Doesn’t Suck entry tonight to AWD’s man-thing!

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  1. Liberal men still wouldn’t know how to use it!

  2. nostradumbass says:

    Barney Fife: Well, today’s vaginas are tomorrow’s firearms. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of vaginas going wrong, you’ve got to nip it in the bud.

    Andy Taylor: I’m going to have a talk with her. What else do you want me to do?

    Barney Fife: Well, don’t just mollycoddle her.

    Andy Taylor: I won’t.

    Barney Fife: Nip it. You go read any book you want on the subject of vagina weaponry and you’ll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.

  3. nostradumbass says:

    Ever notice how muslims are so afraid of the dreaded vagina gun, that they remove the firing pin?

  4. Orgasms would be fully automatic!

  5. rightwingterrorist says:

    This is my vagina.
    There are many like it, but this one is mine!

  6. If indeed her Wizard Sleeve,
    Were a gun then I believe,
    It’s caliber would be so rare,
    You’d use it hunting Grizzly Bear,

    If it were a gun then I surmise,
    It’s smell of waking dead would rise,
    Oh, the names with, I could shower her,
    Like Smooth Bore, Cannon, Howitzer,

    She couldn’t get a Man to ‘Tetch’ it
    The Moon itself- it wouldn’t stretch it,
    Like the gaping pit of hell,
    A vast, Progressive wishing well,

    Throw your pennies, make a wish,
    At this human Petri dish,
    Careful, in there things evolve,
    That would make your face dissolve,

    Her Parents, they must be so proud,
    Of her voice that rings out loud,
    Her Missive adds both heat and fuel,
    To deserved flames of ridicule,

    In closing, ‘ere I wax profane,
    This last comment I must tame,
    In agony my brain, it twitches,
    Lord, take from us these Stupid B*tches,

  7. nostradumbass says:

    This just in…..

    Lazlo kicked my ass.

    News at 11:00

  8. Nostradumbass says:

    I think that I have never seen
    A vagina shaped like an M-16.

    A gun whose hungry mouth is pressed
    Against the thong, under the dress;

    A weapon that looks at the ground all day,
    And can only hear what the asshole has to say;

    A gun that may in summer wear
    A Brazillian wax of it’s hair;

    Upon whose labia oil has lain;
    Who intimately lives with monthly stain.

    Poems are that made by fools like me think,
    only asparagus can make a gun’s pee stink.

  9. Guys would spend more time cleaning their own guns!

  10. Mas, mas! For the love of God, MAS!

  11. Nostradumbass says:

    Slightly off topic….OK way off topic, unless you’re gay, cause then an ass is as good as a vagina:

    Cops called on Neighbors Boyfriend

  12. She should be very happy that her Vagina is not a gun.

    If it where a gun, Eric Holder would have run it down to Mexico and it would be in the hands of Cartel members by now.

    And her Vagina would be used illegally to kill Mexican Nationals.

    On second thought maybe it would be safer if her Vagina were in Mexico, then it couldn’t be used in elementary schools to hurt the children

  13. Nostradumbass says:

    Blind man to the transsexual:

    “Damn, baby! Your 9mm smells like sh!t”


  14. My stomach hurts from laughing so much.

    This has to be the funniest post and comments ever done on the internet.

  15. Nostradumbass says:

    The trouble with vaginas being guns is that sometimes the gun is mistaken for a vagina. TM definitely tried to screw with the wrong type of 9mm.

  16. Jen Wojcik says:

    First they came for the gays,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t gay.

    Then they came for the women,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a woman.

    Then they came for the churches,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t in a church.

    Then they came for the moderates,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a moderate.

    Then they came for the gun owners,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a gun owner.

    Then they came for me,
    and there was no one left to speak for me.

    • Nostradumbass says:

      So your ideal spokesperson is a lesbian Methodist minister with a firearm? Would a rottweiler in a pantsuit who prays at the alter of diversity be a suitable replacement, cuz I think she’s gonna run in the next election….

  17. misterbill says:

    It takes a village to raise a vagina!!!


    Looks like a pink hot dog

  19. cranky.white.woman says:

    Not only can I parallel park like a charm, I don’t need any help from my vagina to do it 😉
    Of course, I am a conservative, so I’m far more intelligent and attractive than a liberal woman, and a way better driver than them, too.

  20. Katie, I have seen your face. That’s gotta be one lonely vagina (if it were a gun).