Dr Bob Filner, former DEMOCRAT congressman and DEMOCRAT San Diego Mayor is very pleased to announce the grand opening of the Filner Free Gynecology and Mammogram Clinic! The clinic will provide medical services to women of all economic levels in the areas of crotchtal and breastal health issues in a romantic setting complete with wine and soothing, sexy music.
The clinic is located in Building H, Storage Unit 5 of the U-Haul Storage facility off of the 805 and Highway 94 and will be open from 8 -5 Mondays through Fridays. For weekend services, Dr Filner will personally see patients on his boat, the “Deep Float.” He will even bring the wine.
After being forced from the San Diego Mayor’s office because of allegations of sexual harrassment, Dr Filner said:
“None of the charges by hundreds of women have ever been proven by the Supreme Court. But Dr Bob Filner has never been one to let his opponents win. In this case, I have been falsely accused by a vast right-wing, big-breasted conspiracy. But, through all the false allegations, I will finally be able to pursue my true love. Health Care! Especially gynecology and mammogram services. Too many women suffer from crotchtal issues that need the special attention of a former Congressman and Mayor!
With the Republicans opposing health care services for everyone except the 1% rich, many underprivileged women with perfect breasts and tight butts are unable to receive the proper medical treatment they deserve. Our goal at the Filner Free Gynecology and Mammogram Clinic is to deliver world-class medical services with a bottle of wine and roses and a romantic night cruise in the bay. Because Dr Bob Filner cares!”
Dr Filner said he will extend his services to conservative women since they are the most attractive patients in the area of gynecology and breastal issues. In the spirit of bi-partisan medical services, every conservative patient will get the “Deep Float” treatment and Dr Filner has committed to making personal calls to the homes or hotel rooms of patients. Because he cares.
Former President Bill Clinton said in praise of Dr Filner’s clinic:
“Bob Filner has consistently filled openings in the lack of gynecological and mammography services. He is an inspiration to all Democrats! I plan on personally attending the grand opening of the Filner Free Gynecology and Mammogram Clinic to help any way I can in providing support to Dr Filner’s patients. Being a lifelong Baptist, I plan on helping Dr Filner develop a faith healing practice. Using my religious beliefs, I offer my services of laying on of the hands to cure any breast or cervical cancer patients. I have also developed numerous vaginal and breast healing techniques using cigars and other tobacco products.”
The clinic opens at 8 am Monday, August 26th at the Uhaul Storage facility. Any patients need only punch in the proper code (*6969) to enter the facility, then proceed to Building H, Storage Unit 5 for services. Dr Filner will accept no fees but requests that patients dress in something hot.
(Note: AWD knows y’all are sick of my Filthy Filner posts but they are just too much fun to write! I promise this will be my last!)