Does your wife or girlfriend (or both) have one of these horrid things? You’re damn right she does! What is AWD talking about? Them damn ubiquitous Louis Vuitton purses! You can’t venture from your domicile for an ammo run without running across every white woman in America lugging around one of those godawful looking things clogging up the aisles! You’ve seen them! They’re those cheap brown plastic things with a stupid VL logo stamped all over it! On top of that, these Louis Vuitton purses have the close resemblance to a ten pound turd with fake leather handles!
What’s even more comical about the whole Louis Vuitton purse thing that has captivated American womerns like a frozen cheesecake does Michael Moore is that about 120% of them sumbitches are fake! Which is not a bad thing because the real deal from Fwance will set you back about $400…or about 800 rounds of .223 (brass casings). I’d sell my children off for medical experiments in Somalia before I’d ever let a filly spend $400 on a damn pocketbook! You can get a Bersa Thunder in .380 for less! Have American white womerns gone crazy? Yes, they have!
Like a disease, some cheese-eating poofter named Louis Vuitton from Fwance has gotten into the melons of American fillies to where they think they MUST own one of those horrid things! It would be much better for us all if Louis would act like a @#&*ing normal Frenchman and just surrender them big, brown sumbitches! Here’s a photo of that damn Louis Vuitton:
Now, I don’t know what it’s like up in your states, but Texans still have a few shekels left over that haven’t been spread around yet by Hussein. So what do the womerns here spend their money on? Ten pound turd-like purses! Hell, think of all the skanky Victoria’s Secret sh*t they could have bought instead that would bring unsurpassed moments of monkey-loving bliss to the matrimonial unit! But hell no, like every damn womern in America, she can only think of trying to out-Louis Vuitton her pinhead girlfriends!
Every man likes his womern a little on the trashy side and we don’t give a rat about what kind of pocketbook they’re hauling around. Unless she’s carrying extra mags for her man in it. Or unless the male is a liberal. In which case, he is probably already wearing Victoria’s Secret and isn’t really interested in fillies anyway. So fillies would make things a lot better in the bedroom/boudoir if they spent their (my) money on something tiny, skanky, and edible to wear behind closed doors and not something to show off on her to her girlfriends on her latest spending junket at Blood, Bath, and Beyond!
Don’t get AWD wrong. The Big Sexy hisself enjoys a great bag. No, not a @#&* man-purse, you metrosexual, half-a-sissies out there. I’m talking about my supa-cool, supa-functional, supa-sexy 5.11 computer bag:
Fillies, behold a real bag! This is the bag AWD carries on a daily basis for all my manly sh*t. Look at it! Behold the beauty! Functional! And, most of all, sexy, baybah!
AWD carries a full compliment of required equipment and materiel in his 5.11. This includes the laptop from which AWD writes my award-winning, chart-topping posts. It also carries my iPad, iPhone and other iSh*t. It’s also the home for Gunter the Glock 23 when I’m not carrying it on my person. Spare mags, a Kershaw assisted opening with a 5″ blade for close-in wet work, a Fenix LD22 (215 lumens, baybah!), spare charging unit, cables, a second hard drive that contains all my Music That Doesn’t Suck, top-secret files, headphones, and top-secret crap. Sure, it weighs about 200 pounds but that gives AWD the opportunity to show the fillies I can haul it like a man and not whine and cry like a sissified metrosexual who missed his latest moisturizing appointment. Why only last week, AWD placed his 5.11 case on a Smart Car and crushed it. So ladies, let’s see your ten-pound turd fake Louis Vuitton hold anything close to the acoutrements (Fwench word that means “necessary sh*t) AWD hauls around daily. Oh, AWD doesn’t carry tampons! You got me there! Bwahahaha!
AWD has other assorted bags and cases too but they all are for storing and hauling ammo and assorted weapons of war.
AWD calls on our worthless Congress to immediately enact an import ban on all Louis Vuitton purses, fake and real. Womerns need to get their priorities in order and get their asses down to the local mall and buy up some skanky underthings pronto! There are two things American men (not liberals) don’t care about and both of them are what kind of purse y’all are carrying! Hell, throw your twenty pounds of beauty products in a Wal-Mart plastic bag for all we care. But there are three things every American man (not liberals) does care about. And that would be some supa-sexy boo-tay in the boudoir! Or the kitchen table. Or the stairs. Or wherever the hell.
When will American womerns stop being so superficial and self-serving? That would be the 12th. The 12th of Never! So Congress must immediately ban the importation of Louis Vuitton ten-pound turd brown bags! That is, if Speaker Boehner can do without his!