While the few remaining taxpaying producers in America enjoy a well-deserved day off from work on Labor Day, not all Americans are thrilled about the holiday. Moochers across America are concerned about the lost revenue from the Labor Day holiday that could result in less “free sh*t,” Obama money, ObamaPhones and other welfare benefits.
At a recent meeting of the Detroit chapter of the Professional Moochers of America, several members were interviewed:
Professional Moochers of America spokesperson LaShante’ Jackson said in an interview on BET:
“While producers owe it to support the mooching classes in America, we are not unsympathetic to many of them getting a day off from work on Labor Day. But don’t most producers already get most weekends off already? We have to be careful that producers do not become too comfortable with the idea of taking too much time off from work. This could lead to problems for us professional moochers.
So we at the PMA are calling on President Obama to only allow the Labor Day holiday every other year. Then we call on the holiday to be celebrated once every five years. Ultimately, we would like to see President Obama abolish Labor Day in his third of fourth term. Idle hands of producers can be a dangerous thing.”
Professional Moochers of America Member and ‘Moocher of the Year’ known only as ObamaPhone Lady in Cleveland said:
“I don’t know nothin’ about no Labor Day but I just don’t like the sound of it! Sound all worky and sh*t. But I do know that I still got that same muva-f***in’ iPhone 4S ObamaPhone and that sh*t ain’t right! I see brovas and sistas all over Cleveland with iPhone 6 ObamaPhones! I mean, I’m the got-damn famous ObamaPhone Lady and deserve the latest in technology!”
Here’s a video of her award-winning performance which garnered rave reviews and a standing ovation during the Best Mooching Video competition at the PMA Annual Award Gala last year in Detroit:
Even imported professional moochers are raising their voices to protest the day off for the producers of America. Jesus Juan Maria Garcia of Los Moocheros Latinos de Los Estados Unidos said through an interpreter:
“We undocumented Americans believe in America. It is indeed the land of the free. So, as pre-Americans, why should we not be entitled to the same free things as American moochers? I mean, I have 7 anchor babies…no, make that 8, I think…who have a right to ObamaTelefonos and Food Stamps. With all the American trabajadores taking off work for Labor Day, who is going to take care of my familia? I might as well move back to Me-hee-co if that’s the way it’s going to be!”
Presidential spokesperson Jay Carney said at the White House press briefing:
“The President hears the professional moochers across America and he empathizes with them. Evil 1%er producers have for too long kept too much of their earnings. After all, they didn’t earn that! Somebody else did.
But President Obama has done more to spread their wealth around so the less privileged moochers can enjoy the latest in technology, expensive basketball sneakers, and dope. I think our Founding Fathers would call what President Obama has done with income redistribution to moochers America’s finest hour.”