Yesterday, a Remington 870 shotgun entered the Navy Yard in Washington, DC and murdered 12 victims. Along the way, the Remington 870 reportedly persuaded two friends, an AR-15 and Glock handgun to join him in the killing spree. This is just another instance of senseless violence where guns have gone berzerk on unarmed American citizens! Many are asking why these guns always select unarmed victims?

While information about the Remington 870 pump shotgun (known as Remmie to his associates) is still emerging, it has been uncovered that Mr Remington had a history of mental illness. It is not known why he went on the deadly rampage but many are questioning why Mr Remington was allowed to move freely in the United States.

Bruce Koskoloski with the Folks Against Guns Society (FAGS) said:

“Once again, America reels from senseless gun violence from a gun where a gun was used in a gun crime! When will Americans understand that if we outlaw guns, there will be no more gun crimes?! Just like when we created gun-free zones….oh, wait.”

Mr Remington was rumored to have yelled “love me some gun-free zones!” numerous times as he hopped down the halls on his stock during the killing spree. This has been seen as a poke at groups like anti-gun groups like FAGS and the Brady Foundation who have called for gun-free zones, and the outlawing of guns throughout America.

Mr Koskoloski continued:

“We at FAGS have a lot of work to do in halting the proliferation of gun violence in America. The problem with America is we have not been successful in expanding gun-free zones into larger areas where Americans can be totally protected against senseless gun violence. In fact, America currently has only three gun-free cities. These cities are a shining example of the good things that happen when sensible gun-hating people work together to eliminate evil guns. Just look at the gun-free safe havens of Chicago, New York, and Washington, DC. Oh, wait!”

CNN talk show host and strong anti-gun advocate Piers Morgan said in response to the shootings in DC:

“This semi-automatic Remington 870 assault rifle shotguns with high capacity clips is a killing machine! In Britain, from where I was expelled, there is no gun crime because we don’t have Remington 870 assault rifle shotguns with high capacity clips walking our streets. Sure, everyone stabs each other to death all the time but that’s a lot better than being shot by a madman like Mr Remington!”

Noted anti-gun Senator Dianne Feinstein is proposing legislation that will seize guns in America and send them to Syrian rebels. She said in a statement:

“We’ve seen what happens when guns are prevalent in America time and time again! People die! More guns equals more deaths! We must protect Americans in America by removing the vicious threat of gun violence immediately!

I am proposing legislation today that supports President Obama in seizing guns in America and sending them to the freedom fighter rebels in Syria so they can protect themselves from the government troops of President Bashir Assad! Without guns seized in America and sent to Syria, the Syrian rebels are sitting ducks with no way to protect themselves! We cannot allow that to happen to the Syrian people!”

When asked to comment on efforts to make guns illegal after yesterday’s shootings, 200 million Americans answered in one voice:


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  1. Can’t help it…this piece of work of yours has me cracking-up laughing. – The sarcasm fits the scenario.

    ‘Bout time you showed up! – Where the heck is RedStater and what happened to RSR? – Just curious. (I know you’re all probably busy making a living…gots to contribute to Big Brother!)

  2. yer damn right!


  3. Does that mean they’re going to try to take my “870”?
    Ooooh man, the gun grabbers will have a field day with this outrage.

  4. The media are all abuzz that an AR-15 was not used. Which is really a big comfort to the 13 dead victims.

  5. I had a long and fruitful talk with Mr Taurus 1911 and the other boys living here and they assured me they would never do anything like that, they also told me they were very happy with whom they lived with and the accommodations were more than suitable to there needs. Mr Taurus assured me that if any of the people from that FAGS place came and tried to break up the family they would do everything in their firepower to stay together as a family. I was very pleased to hear this and gave them all a good cleaning knowing that cleanliness is next to Godliness. And God knows that bang is always better than click.


    Of course in the minds of braindead liberals the gun alone was responible for this whole thing just like in Aruora and Sandy Hook since liberals all all mouth and no mind

  7. It’s those damn guns again. I must have raised mine right, because only one of them has ever probably killed anybody. But Herr Mauser is from a different time. When will guns learn?

  8. Spurwing Plover says:

    Liberals are not interested in the facts just in the lies and pushes their leftists agendas

  9. Guess it’s time to have “the talk” with my guns. I was getting tired of them coming home smelling of smoke, gin and cheap perfume anyway.

    Btw: Awd I know you probably don’t have the time to listen to all the music posted here, but if you don’t listen to these two songs, I’m gonna send Michael Moore in a speedo and Rosie O’ Donnell in a see thru bikini to your next BBQ/Pool party.

  10. Louisiana Steve says:

    Whew! I guess my old buddy Mr. AK can come out of the closet now. He was scared to death after hearing all this talk about gun control. That’s OK Mr. AK. It’s safe to come out. Remmie’s taking all the heat this time.

  11. Lazlo and The Monkey sat all the guns we own together down for a SUPER Serious talk!
    First we gave them a good cleaning, because a clean gun listens better and has a longer attention span.
    Then with clever charades and role play we outlined the seriousness of the issue. Like I said SUPER Serious!
    Then out came the emotive slogans, and effective Liberal doublespeak to illustrate the danger inherent in their very existence.
    Naturally they blamed the proliferation of bullets and high capacity magazines. I threatened to replace them all with Muskets.
    They opined that then it was that evil Element Lead which drives the slaughter!
    Then in their impertinence they blamed Kinetic Energy!
    Frustrated I sent them to bed in the safe and vowed to take them out only one at a time until they learned some manners!
    The Monkey has eschewed guns altogether and is happily deadly with his new sword cane.

  12. That’s it!….Ban the Remington 870!!!!! Pump shotguns have been a menace to society ever since they invented the damn things!………Gentlemen.

  13. Fortunatly, Mr.Glock can only speak Austrian German, and he says “Krach”!

  14. Who died and put that fag piers morgan [ a Brit ] on American TV?? The scut is an idiot who doesn’t have any business talking to Americans.F-off and go home you twit you have a face that looks like a half cooked roast beef. Take your shit home and whine to your own people why are you here anyway?

  15. I was involved in a sniping incident in New Orleans a few decades ago. What I witnessed was the sniper killing a few people and the cops killing a bunch of people. That is what you need to ask, who was killed by whom. You will find that many of the injured and dead have bullets in them that can’t be accounted for, and want.

  16. Spurwing Plover says:

    Back a few years ago when William the Rapists was in office DC Comics had a Issue of Batman called SEDUCTION OF THE GUN the usial liberal propeganda aimed at kids

  17. master of sinanju says:

    ? Does anybody know where that fu#king whackadoodle got the shotgun from?


    Mr 870 woulddn’t have got too past Mr Marine, if they were allowed bullets in their guns.

  19. Mr. Rational says:

    I vote that we melt this criminal Remington 870 down and cast, draw and roll out the metal to make a brand new Remington 870, untainted by the original’s sins.

    That’ll teach it.

  20. another classic piece by AWD

  21. you can’t blame all Remington 870’s……..this one that went berserk was a demon Remington 870……..

    Not all Remington shotguns are demon possessed……I would bet that this particular 870 was cursed by some witch doctor and a demon entered in and decided it was time to express his self the way demons do……..

    we must pray for all Remington 870’s that are demon possessed so they to don’t go berserk……..get on your knees and pray you bastids…………..

    I just happen to have the image of the witch doctor that cursed this 870…….here is the bastid that is really responsible for the crime…………

    • Bluto that’s the damn Doctor my ex wife went to. He lit a black candle and had her dance around him naked. Next day her cold was gone so was all my stuff, and she moved in with him and his other wives. He is an evil bastid.

  22. Are Remington 870 shotguns AR-15’s or are they Glocks? My liberal friends want to know.

  23. Which is exactly why I keep my Remington locked in a safe. It’s a killing machine and I can’t trust it to be out and about. We need Remington Control Legislation and we need it now!

    (slaps self)

    Sorry about that. Been reading too many liberal news articles. I’m better now.

  24. The shooter of 13 voted for Obama twice and is black.

    Can he still be held accountable?

    Just “axin”………


  25. quartierleblanc says:

    I’ve had a talk with Mr. G and he promises me he will never pull his own trigger. I’ve threatened to replace him with a Sig and he got the message. Sometimes you gotta lay down the law.