AWD is in the great American West visiting the Angry White Dudette. I brought the Angry White Youngest Son along and we are all having us a time! I won’t say where we are but we are definitely breaking bad!

I’m going to do a Predictions for 2014 post when I have some time to sit down and think a little. As you can see, AWD was 100% correct in my predictions for 2012. Don’t remember what happened to 2013’s predictions. But in 2012, I was right there on it, baybah! Well, actually not so much. Actually, I pretty much sucked on all of my predictions except the one predicting Joe Biden will still remain the first openly retarded VP in US history and Janeane Garofalo will go another year without bathing! But for the rest, I put too much faith in the wussypants Republicans. And when has a Repub failed to disappoint us?

Y’all need to start thinking about your own predictions for 2014. I’ll try to get a post up today or tomorrow on it. I’ll get back to Dallas Sunday night and get back to my usual schedule of crappy posts. Y’all have a good day, too!

The good thing about AWD’s annual predictions is the Big Sexy has never been wrong! Did AWD not predict Whoopi Goldberg would be ugly all year in 2011? And didn’t I predict that Hussein Hopenchange would continue to screw things up to a faretheewell? I don’t know what that means but I like the way it sounds. And didn’t AWD predict that Michael Moore would get on a fitness kick and by year’s end you could bounce a Quarter-Pounder off his ass? Well, OK then! O ye of little faith, I rest my case! Score one for America! Wooo, baybah!

So Big Sexy has starting getting brain impulses from the 32 vibration of the Nonneoconulus galaxy (or where Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich normally reside when Congress in in recess) and I thought it was time to share with the dudes and dudettes my guaranteed accurate, supa-sexy predictions for 2012:

  • The United States will attack Iran in 2012.  Iran has been eating their Wheaties and believe they are untouchable.  However, Hussein needs something to point to to prove that he’s not the girlyman,  wussypanted,  half-a-sissy that he really is.  His handlers will make the decision to bomb the nuclear sites while he is playing golf.
  • Mitt Romney will be the GOP nominee.  You will be on the receiving end of information on ever strange fact about the Mormon Church for months and months.  Romney will prevail, however, and unseat Hopenchange by a comfortable margin but not a landslide.
  • More crackas will vote GOP in November than ever before.
  • More Hispanics will vote GOP than ever before
  • Ron Paul will not be a factor in the GOP nomination after the South Carolina primary.  His supporters will continue to bore everyone else by declaring America is a “neo-con nation that is owned by Jews.”
  • Newt Gingrich will remain married to Callista but will have 5 affairs with campaign staffers.  He will blame it on his patriotism again.  Again, no one will believe him.
  • Occupy and Poopers will become violent before and after the DemonRat and Republican National Conventions.  Looting and rioting will take place.  It will look real bad for the Dims, who will disavow the Occupiers after supporting it since its inception.  Police will put down the riots but there will be death and destruction.  Net result – Dims get the blame!
  • China will challenge Obama and America militarily.  They know Obama is weak and know his successor will will be stronger.  He or she could not possibly be weaker.
  • Eric Holder will resign after more of his illegal actions as AG come to light.
  • The Euro will collapse and will take some American banks along with it.  Bernanke and Geithner will put the US dollar in further jeopardy by a partial bailout of European banks.
  • A flash mob of violent “urban” yoots will attack the wrong guy and will end up deader n’  hell.
  • The Republicans retake the Senate, winning at least 6 seats
  • The Republicans in the Senate continue being stupid idiots by voting Mitch McConnell as Senate Leader
  • The Republicans increase their numbers in the House.  John “Boo Hoo”  Boehner is not elected Speaker.  Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor contend.  Ryan wins.
  • One of the Rolling Stones will die.  Probably of old age.
  • Obama will try to ram through government  control of the internet.  Some conservative blogs will be shut down.  AWD will end up in Gitmo.  He will immediately challenge the most senior Muslim terrorist to a Texas Rope match.  AWD will then control all of the cigarette distribution among prisoners.  And he will get a tattoo.  It will say “Big Sexy.”
  • The Dallas Cowboys will continue to suck in a major way.  Cowyboys owner Jerry Jones will continue to have face lifts until his head is used as the snare drum for the Rush 2112 100 Years Early Tour.
  • Michelle Obama will be overheard by a live microphone saying “I hate y’all crackas!”
  • Barack Hussein Obama will call it a “teachable moment” and immediately have a “Cracka Summit.”  Schlitz Malt Liquor forties will be served.
  • Joe Biden will continue to be the only openly retarded Vice President in history
  • Janeane Garofalo will go another year without bathing
  • Anthony Weiner will be divorced from his Muslim bride and become Mrs. Barney Frank.  They will be the toast of the Democrat party.
  • More blue state residents will flock to red states as the economies of blue states worsen.  Southerners will continue to curse those GD yankees moving to south and then insisting on how much better it is in the North!
  • Keith Olbermann will not be recognized by one person all year.  He will blame it on racism.
  • California will become insolvent and there will be a cry for Mexico to take ownership.  Mexico will refuse because it’s screwed up enough on its own and they just barely got rid of all those lazy Mezcans!
  • A major Islamic (is there any other kind?) terrorist attack will occur in the United States.  It will not be good to be a Muslim afterwards.
  • The Supreme Court will strike down the individual mandate of ObamaCare.  ObamaCare, like Obama, will go the way of the buffalo.
  • Obama’s final polling numbers before the election will be in the 30% range.  It will not be because there is a black man in the White House.
  • Someone, somewhere will knock Bill Maher’s teeth down his pencil-neck throat!  That man will become the most popular man in America afterward.
  • Angry White Dude.com will move into the top 100,000 blogs in the world according to Alexa.  We’re currently 130,000.
  • Michael Moore will be diagnosed with flesh-eating disease.  He will be given 130 years to live.
  • Oprah will come out of the closet as a lebanese.  Or hasn’t she already?
  • AWD will continue to not give one damn about the Kardashians or any other celebutard!
  • Billions of dollars will flow into the American economy once the Dims are thrown out.
  • The dudes and dudettes at AWD will continue to be called rednecks and goat ropers….mainly by AWD hisself!

So there are some of my predictions based on the vibrations I received this afternoon. If anyone is interested in knowing your personal future, put some money in the fat, hairy Rosie tip jar. I’ll tell you one damn thing…the more money you put in, the better your future will be! And if you don’t want to tip the Big Sexy…well, then let’s just say I can’t be responsible for all that sh*t heading your way.

I want to thank everyone who participates and visits our little piece of the Al Gore net web and wish everyone a very happy new year! The little filly and I are going out tonight to ring in the new year. AWD will be shaking his finely sculpted boo-tay on the dance floor and trying not to fling sweat on everybody else. Hope y’all have a great night and please be careful if you’re out driving. There’ll be lots of drunk Mezcans out tonight. And there’s always the threat of Chinese womerns in mini-vans! Happy New Year, y’all!

Oh, and leave your own predictions too!  I’ll check them out when I get home from throwing the houlihan!

AWD

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19 Comments

  1. Please post your best buy stock picks for 2014. Based on your predictions for 2013 I need a guide on what to short sell.

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  2. inagadadavida says:

    Damn, Dude! With that record, I hope your ‘vibrations’ are now telling you that Barry Soetoro will enjoy a long, happy life having been elected to El Presidente Forever of the Estados!

    And that Republicans will continue to disappoint… wait, that’s not really a prediction now, is it?

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  3. My predictions:

    1)AWD will over moisturize, slide off the captains chair and break his pinky.

    2)He will get p!ssed because he still can’t make a @#&*ing perfect soufflé.

    3)He will post some music that sucks.

    4)AWD will throw the remote at the TV again during a Cowboys game.

    4)Finally I predict Me and JMV will be banned within the first week of 2014.

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  4. Damn, Magnum. That long? Just wait until the LSD I mixed into AWDs favorite moisturizing product wears off, and he realizes that the Dallas Cheerleaders stalking him today were in their prime in 1955!! We will be hit with the Ban Hammer most Ricky-tick.

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  5. AWD was right on at least one prediction: the Dallas Cowboys do suck. Damn shame though, used to be a great team back in the day.

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    • JMV Romo had back surgery this morning, he tripped on his own foot last week and hurt it so he’s out for Sundays do or die game against the Eagles. Kyle Orton has thrown 15 passes as Romos backup since 2011 and will be the quarterback with Jon Kitna as his back up if he can’t deliver. Do you want to go in with me and buy AWD a new TV on Monday?

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      • Wow, Romo hurts himself just before an important game. Sounds to me like he just pussed out, not suspicious at all. WTF is he still employed for? You would think the citizens of Texas would be a little more vocal about a team that brings embarrassment to the entire state.

        As to the tv, it would be a waste of money. AWD would just shoot it the next time the Cowboys embarrass the fans, and they will embarrass the fans again. Besides AWD gets big bucks from all the donations to the site doesn’t he? 😉 Plus, he’s just going to ban us sooner or later for the by products we slip into his moisturizing products.

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  6. Spurwing Plover says:

    Remember in the Star Wars saga He started as Senator Palpatine was elected President Palpatine then declared himself Emporer Palpatine Obama is doing such a thing

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  7. Deer Crusher says:

    From the pic I can locate the AWD. He’s in a bowling alley adjacent to the old Johnny Carson Tonight Show studio.

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  8. I predict after a night of debauchery where by happenstance Jerry Jones and the dude wind up alone with Bethany Jo (captain 2013 DCCs). In a drug infused craze Jerry passes out while attempting a DP with the dude and Beth Jo. The dude is nearly inchorent but in a flash of brilliance the dude has Beth Jo use her iphone to take –shall we say–incriminating photos of the dude and JJ in simulated positions of brother to brother love. Shortly thereafter the dude pens a poisoinous curt goodbye to his “so-called ” followers, implores the NSA to “kiss his angry pink white A$$”, calls the little doofus a commie f@g with cum breath, and compares Shrillary to a love child of Michael Moore and Whoopi Gberg. Dallas PD stops a F -150 hours later with reportedly Beth Jo and Catherine Zeta completely nude in the back with AWD dressed in a Delta Force commando turn out. A Texas ranger was reportedly driving the truck and after a brief exchange was seen driving down I 30 with AWD firing several quick bursts from an H/K mini into the night air.

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  9. One more prediction. AWD’s next F-150 will have an aluminum body.

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  10. I predict for 2014 AWD;
    will switch over to a Honda Ridgeline,
    trade in “gunther” for a .380,
    start wearing “air jordans”,
    get hisself one of pajama boy’s ‘onesies”,
    “friend” Debbie Wasserman Shultz,
    Join PETA,
    and watch Michael Moore movies with Ashley Judd.

    OOOOO I’m in trouble now.

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  11. I am loathe to make predictions. Instead I’ll reply with a post from David Yeagley which I think is a home run and a very worthwhile read, and it’s not too long. I don’t always agree with Mr. Yeagley, but this post is spot-on and not entirely of topic to this thread.

    http://www.badeagle.com/2013/1.....-end-2013/

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