American Premier Barack Hussein Obamaski told the American people this week that unemployment payments (i.e. paying people to not work) actually creates jobs. If this is true (which I’m sure it is since Obama said it), why the hell am I working? Because I’m still stupid enough to drag my big sexy ass out of bed at the crack of ten every morning to drone away working for the man and utilizing my executive brilliance skills to plan where I’ll go to lunch? I never realized I’m part of the problem! By working at a real job and paying sh*tloads of taxes, I am killing American jobs! Must be that white privilege!

Just think of the jobs AWD could create if he was on unemployment! I could hang out with my fellow unemployed compadres doing all the stuff we could never do because we were trapped in the system working for the man? Hell, just think how many jobs would be created if every working American quit their jobs and started receiving unemployment payments! And by receiving 99 weeks of funemployment payments, who wants to work anyway?

Oh sure, I realize there are still those greedy Americans on unemployment who believe they should destroy job creation by getting a job. They just don’t get it! They are in it for themselves!

Those still working must be those greedy 1%ers who don’t care for the 99%ers who get paid for doing nothing! Well, the unemployed do have to go to the mailbox every couple weeks for their unemployment check. Nobody in America should have to suffer that kind of humiliation! Maybe the unemployed should form a union so they wouldn’t have to actually go to the mailbox! Oh, that’s right! They have direct deposit these days! That’s good! Wouldn’t want them to have to exert themselves and kill more jobs by going out and actually having to walk to the mailbox! Not to mention actually having to open it and then walk back to the house before Oprah comes on.

But those job-killing jobs are jobs Americans don’t want to do! And why should they work at jobs doing things they don’t want to do when they can get free money for doing nothing and create more jobs in the process? That’s why illegal aliens have invaded America. They are doing jobs Americans don’t want to or don’t have to do anymore thanks to our generous government and our brilliant President and his welfare programs! Isn’t America great?

So AWD is getting on the Obama train first thing Monday morning! I’m marching into my bosses big-ass corner office and telling him I’m not playing his greedy games anymore! I’m not going to be part of his system! I’m going to create American jobs from now on! And I’ll do that by sitting around bitching about how greedy and evil those rich people with jobs are! After all, getting something for nothing is the new American way!

In fact, I’m gonna tell my boss I don’t need his charity! I’m gonna throw my job on the ground! I don’t need your handouts and I’m definitely not part of his system! Maaaaaannn!

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  1. @ ‘American Premier Barack Hussein Obamaski ‘

    Dude!!! Oh, NO You Didn’t!!!!

    As a proud Polish-born American I am deeply offended that you would give that mutt a Polish last name, even in jest. I get the shorthand for Shitcago roots, but Dude have some empathy for us old Poles. My heart is bleeding.

    P.S. Yes, my last name ends in ‘-ski’ too, so it hit especially close to home. And you made me use a hyphenate! Ughhhh, I hate that! F-ing Zero, ruining it for all of us in all kinds of ways…..

  2. Makes perfect sense.
    Like painting a stripe on a car to make it go faster.

  3. Instead of calling it unemployment payments, lets call it a “Transitional Work Fund.”

  4. Crusading Conservative says:

    And in the esteemed words of Nancy Pelos(k)i – paraphrasing here – unemployment benefits stimulate the economy, such that for each dollar given to someone, $1.73 goes back into the economy…with the amount of unemployment and welfare benefits being paid out, the economy should be booming! Weird, that it’s not.

  5. Here’s good ol’ Dingy Harry lying thru his teeth again.

  6. Extending unemployment creates more Democrats not more jobs….. YOUR taxes are being used to buy votes to keep the democraps in power

    Meanwhile they cut EARNED benefits for Vets while over half of the members of congress and the majority of the Senate are multi millionaires. Term limits for these bastards and no life long benefits for only 5 years of service

  7. James Scott says:

    Unless you are willing to name the JEW banker media mob by name you are a waste of time. If you think Democrats are bad and Republicans are good you are a moron. I have read a few pages ofthis site and nothing about what is really wrong has been written.

    You are a stupid angry white dude. Or maybe just a coward.

  8. Deer Crusher says:

    As to the OP…It amazes me just how the unemployment numbers go down and yet we need to extend unemployment ‘benefits’ for all those people that supposedly got new jobs.

  9. rightwingterrorist says:

    Perhaps if there were actually jobs to be had….

  10. rightwingterrorist says:

    That giant sucking sound?
    You haven’t heard a thing yet.
    Just wait until the TPP is fast tracked through congress.
    Followed by the TAP.
    Funny, you have to hear about this from the Russians.

  11. After you tell your boss “I quit”. Don’t forget to twerk your way out the door as seen on BT’s looting video.

  12. 1. Obama’s bullshit “Jobs Czar” Jefferey Immelt, was and is the biggest supporter of moving jobs to Red China there is.
    2. Obama is allowing mass third world immigration and wants to legalize millions- that of course will displace american workers and strain the american social safety net. He’s a fraud and a phony, actively working for the destruction of America “by other means”
    (The Cloward–Piven strategy ).
    He is also using this as a distraction away from ObamaCare and other scandals.
    Step one was to take a vacation and get out of the news, then come back and demagogue a few subjects, all with the help of the Gov./Media Complex

  13. I’m not sure if it’s loathing, hate, disgust or a combination of all three that I “feel” towards the left and democrats in particular…can’t believe the rage that runs through my entire being whenever I see an “OBAMA/BIDEN” bumper sticker. Utter stupidity like homos are normal or paying unemployment benefits to no-loads only makes matters worse. Yea, I know I need help.

    • You are not alone… I utterly despise/loath white liberals. I wouldn’t take the pleasure of pissing on them if they were on fire.. to hear their screams would be more satisfying. If the roof collapsed during the DNC convention I would celebrate. I consider their ideology of a cultural death to be an attack on my family… nothing is more personal than that

      The only thing is that its not longer party specific… the GOP is full of them too

  14. if unemployment creates jobs does that mean we call all those receiving an unemployment check “entreprenuers”…………

  15. I am sitting on my butt collecting government money. I get SS. I am so lazy, so sly, so tricky, that I worked for 53 years just to be able to collect. Had I known some 6o years ago that I could collect without working, I would have investigated. The only problem I had at the time is that Lyndon Johnson had not yet set his plan to destroy America in place. Also, no one in my family would have talked to me again, esp. my Dad who believed work was good for the spirit.

    Baby Mamas had to depend on their families to support them. In my neighborhood, there were no baby Mamas. Of course, in those days, most Mamas were home tending to their families.

    • misterbill

      sounds like you must be a racist or something………how dare you undermine those who refuse to work…….didn’t you know that those who don’t work and receive a government check are contributing to the system by taking their government check……it creates jobs if you take a government check and don’t have to do anything for it……just lay on your ass and collect the check…….these are the people that are contributing to the system…….

      the new term for anyone receiving a government check is that they are now going to be called “”entrepreneurs””……….after all by collecting that check they are creating jobs………

      I think you should get with the program and stop being a racist………….