Trail of Tears

Why the tears? Embrace autogenocide, you silly nativists!

Dear The Powers That Be,

Allow me to first apologize in advance for taking up your precious time with something that might ultimately prove to be a waste of it. I recognize that I am an insignificant non-entity who shouldn’t even be seen, let alone heard, but I am writing in the hopes that I might ultimately spare you some of your invaluable time and effort down the road.

See, I understand that this nation of ours is rich in resources and wealth, and that you, being our moral and intellectual superiors, want—and deserve—to possess all of it. I also understand that you want—and, again, deserve—to be in total control of it—along with all the little people who tend to it. I understand this.

I also understand that people like me—i.e., we who have a natural preference for autonomy and self-rule—are not only an impediment standing in the way of what is rightfully yours, but, additionally, we’re also a supremely grotesque specter and highly offensive to the delicate sensibilities of people as morally and intellectually superior as you yourselves are. I understand how horribly fair-skinned we are; how ugly our variegated eye and hair color are; how embarrassingly stuck on outmoded morality and silly religious superstitions we are; and, worst of all, how we prefer the company of our own.

I understand how truly odious this is, this preference for us to be with people like ourselves. For people like us are terrible, terrible people! Certainly only a terrible people would want to keep the company of terrible people, correct? Which is why you are right to prefer the company of people like yourselves—because you are awesome in every dimension. It only makes sense that a morally and intellectually superior people like you prefer to keep company with their own, and why you wouldn’t want to associate with us rabble.

I understand this.

And so I fully understand why you want to get rid of us. And I agree—we’re ugly and stupid and racist and evil and the world would be perfect were it not for us, so, naturally, we should go away.

Now clearly you have enacted a program of ethnic cleansing throughout every white nation. Again, this is laudable as we’re the sole source of all evil in the world (a “cancer upon the world”, if you will). My only question is this: Do you intend to completely exterminate us, or might you be so kind as to allow us to exist in isolated form on, say, reservations of some sort?

Of course it’s no bother if you wish to exterminate us; I gladly accept this fate and heartily endorse it since, without us, Utopia can finally be achieved on a global scale because, again (and not to belabor the point), we’re the sole source of evil and racism and hatred and ethnocentrism and homophobia and Islamophobia and nativism and xenophobia and backwards religiosity in the world. So if this is your plan, by all means, continue apace. Why, I’ll even lie down and die for you if you’d prefer!

However, if you intend on quarantining us on reservations, I’d like to know where, exactly, we’re to be kept—if it wouldn’t be too much to ask. See, I’ve been laid off due to my place of employment trying to avoid paying Obamacare fees; my house has been foreclosed on since I could no longer afford the inflated mortgage that I got at the height of the housing bubble (and I couldn’t refinance since I wasn’t poor enough or black enough); and, lastly, my family has just recently been raped, tortured, and murdered by a gang of urban youths (which they wholly deserved since, you know, they’re white—ergo racist and evil). Now I don’t mean to bore you with the insignificant details of my life; I just wanted to make the point that now’s a perfect time for me to relocate on my own without you having to force me to move later on down the road. I figure I could spare you some time and effort should you be so generous as to deign it worthy of your time to respond to me.

Thank you for your time in reading this letter and considering my inquiry. Again, I applaud everything you are doing to my vile, evil race. If there’s any aspect of the ethnic cleansing I might be able to assist with, please don’t hesitate to ask. I understand that I may not be worth squat, but I can certainly try to be of some value by helping purge the face of the earth of my own people.

oh, just watch TV and pretend it’s not happening? Done!


A. White

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  1. That’s rich! I wonder if lib/progressives would even understand the intended sarcasm inside his letter.

    Btw…Red, did you compose that letter? – Just curious my friend. ~

  2. “…awesome in every dimension…” Yes, it certainly is.

    For another fellow’s opinion, we might look here:

  3. ‘how we prefer the company of our own.’

    No, no, no, not acceptable! Only if you’re black!

  4. If you’re looking to relocate, come join us! We’re staying in the Van, down by the river.
    No phone, no internet, no address, no job.

    We’ll still be forced to move later on down the road, but for now, FREEDOM! /s

  5. A White-

    Don’t you know that you owe a living to anyone in America who is not white?? Are you trying to avoid your fiscal, emotional and moral obligation to tend to anyone whose forbear may have been displaced, conquered or outsmarted by white people. You are like drug users. There would be no person forced into the horrible life of providing drugs to the innocents of the world, just to make a living if you did not have the money to buy. We would have food stamp trees and WIC bushes in our comfortable sub-urban homes. Our children would be smarter and less inclined to harmful activities if you were not walking around looking affluent as you go off to work or school each day.

    Why can’t you understand that your every success marks you as a target for the knockout game? You bring it on yourselves.

    A wise white person learns how to do that trukey neck movement to help stay out of trouble.

    Know wut ime sayin???

  6. I feel kinda sad for this person, I do understand the sarcasm But dude, Man the hell up die on your feet. We are not animals. Some of us will give you a hand brother

    • M&E, you sure you got the sarcasm?

      • Yeah. I’m just kinda sappy sometimes.

      • I guess what bothers me about this, is how many Americans really do have this attitude. It can’t happen here or they wouldn’t do that. Kinda like the Jewish people in WW2, they blindly walked into the showers. How many our or countrymen will do the same thing rather than giving up Monday night football. Sometime I feel like I’m the only one in my immediate world that sees how dangerous these times are. It makes me sick when I think about how their fate may turn out. All we can do is pray.

  7. Spurwing Plover says:

    If we had the same bunch of buricrats back then we would still be in the east becuase they would be pushing for stupid Enviroemental Impact studies and listens endangred species

  8. Another Good one Red.
    Exaggerated Juxtaposition: Check
    Enlightened Sarcasm: Check
    Conservative use of Gallows Humor: Check
    Inner core of self evident truth under narrative: Check
    Filing teeth into points to cannibalize Liberals after the collapse: No Check! WTF?
    You would be no fun in a life boat

    • Laz, do you really have a monkey?

      • So many monkey jokes…

        • A monkey walks into a bar…

          • And the bartender asks, “what’ll you have, Mr. president?”

            (Sorry, Lars, no offense meant)

          • A monkey walks into a drugstore and orders a fifty-cent sundae.

            He puts down a ten-dollar bill to pay for it.

            The clerk thinks, “What can a monkey know about money?”

            So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, ”

            You know, we don’t get many monkeys in here.”

            “No wonder,” answers the monkey, “At these prices you won’t get many more.”

          • A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

    • But Laz we may need someone to open our beer bottles, sharp teeth are good for that.

  9. Red, another great post by a fellow patriot, I hope you sent a copy to Cuomo and De Blasio.

  10. Dang it Red I got lost were we talking about boots?

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