YOU'LL LOOK SO PRETTY FOR HIM!

YOU’LL LOOK SO PRETTY FOR HIM!

Metrosexual males like to read “mens magazines” to learn how men act manly. If you have to read a magazine to try and find out how to be a man, you’re doing it all wrong, junior. Metrosexuals (translation: homosexuals in a metro) trying to be real men are what some might call “cute.” Of course, those calling metrosexuals cute are other metrosexuals. Real men have other names for the little prisses.

AWD recently saw this article on Yahoo titled “9 Things a Man Secretly Wants in Your Bedroom” when I was going to check my email account. It’s written by some metrosexual tool named Aaron Traister who likes to pretend he’s a man by writing what he believes real men would say and do. The sad thing is this article could have just as easily been writing by some feminazi lebanese womern with all the liberal male stereotypical claptrap it contains. I can’t decide if he’s trying to be funny or serious. Either way, it’s “cute” to the you-know-whos and “pathetic” to the rest of us!

Traister opens his article with this:

“You know me, I’m always looking for new ways to prove my masculinity. I never miss an opportunity to show off my manhood. So when it came time to tear up the floors and redesign the second floor of my house, which includes our bedroom, I did what any hot-blooded man’s man would do, I went looking for decorating ideas on Pinterest.

I was crushing a vintage décor board when I noticed something I liked had been pinned with a tag that read “masculine bedroom.” I was, to quote my favorite rap song from the late nineties, “like whoa.” Then, I discovered that lots of people had used the tag “masculine bedroom.” All this time, and I had never thought of my bedroom as masculine or feminine. Really, it was just a place to throw dirty laundry on the floor and drool on my pillow and/or wife. How could I have been so careless with a chance to display my Y chromosome? I don’t need a lot in life, but I definitely need a masculine bedroom.”

He was “crushing” a vintage decor board. How “cute.” I guaran-damn-tee you this cat has seen an angry one up close. Also, looking for anything on Pinterest is not what a man’s man would do. It’s what a woman’s woman does. Did you find any good tips for changing your tampon? My lowly assistant at work goes to Pinterest to find recipes for cookies and shit, not how to be a man or how to decorate her @#&* bedroom!

My guess is guns “scare” this Traister guy, too. And you better believe he voted for Hussein.

Here’s what Traister found on Pinterest to help him decorate a “manly” bedroom:

“Do: Color

“Color is an essential part of making your bedroom unique to you. With that in mind, masculine bedrooms are gray. Individuality is for hippies. Real men like gray rooms because it reminds us of dead fish and our cubicles at work.”

Again, is he trying to be funny here? Real men like gray rooms because it reminds us of dead fish? Huh? I do believe him when he says gray reminds him of his cubicle at work where he’s most likely an Administrative Assistant to his female boss. Maybe they moisturize together at lunch when he’s not picking up her dry cleaning.

He continues:

“Do: Typography

Regular art is too soft for a truly masculine bedroom. If you’re weak and need some sort of visual stimulation to “liven up” your gray-walled revitalization chamber, then examples of typography are acceptable. Typography is an art form–someone did have to design those letters-but any traces of the humanity behind those sterile fonts are hidden behind layers of technical drawing and cold, calculated design. It’s like a robot made of flesh designed those letters, but then again real men are just like robots made of flesh. If you’re really soft and need some sort of figurative art, make sure that it’s black and white. Colorful art is strictly verboten in a masculine bedroom.”

AWD must admit I don’t know what Typography is. Probably because I don’t read Pinterest. But I do have a very beautiful impressionist painting from some Russian artist on my wall for which I paid $1000 18 years ago because it’s beautiful and I like the way the colors look when the light hits it at various times of the day. Does that make AWD not a “man’s man?” Well, maybe my AR with the 30 round Magpul in my bedroom’s corner does! And I didn’t even need Pinterest to show me the feng shui of how to artistically and masculinely place it there! Oh, and guns don’t scare me.

“Do: Animal Imagery

Antlers and skulls are totally acceptable wall décor for obvious reasons. First of all, maybe you killed that animal yourself, which is totally alpha. Even if you didn’t personally slay the mighty beast, antlers and skulls prove that you’re comfortable with the reality that life is fleeting, and your time on Earth is finite. Eternity is gray and full of bones of the departed, just like your bedroom because you understand and do not fear mortality, just like a real man should.”

AWD doesn’t have any mounts on my walls because I would only mount something if it was Pope & Young or Boone & Crockett. Look them up, Traister. But AWD actually hunts and eat what I kill. I don’t hunt because it makes me feel “manly” to some metrosexual poofters but because I enjoy the time in the woods with my sons and friends. Going pig hunting with my son tomorrow and, with luck, will be smoking up some fresh, natural pork next weekend. Does that make me an “alpha?” I don’t give a rat. It makes me a good dad who spends time with my son teaching him what my father taught me and his father taught him. You don’t find those traditions on some Pinterest board!

He goes on:

“Do: Exposed Pipes

They’re cool and industrial. Also: phallic-shaped.”

I was waiting for this guy to come around to talking about the man thang! Cool and industrial exposed pipes? This tool has never lived outside Manhattan or some other blue state hellhole filled to the gills with wussified idjits like him. Real houses where real men live don’t have exposed pipes to remind the inhabitant of penises. But AWD’s bedroom/boudoir has a lot of exposing of a certain pipe. Ask the little filly.

Now this poofter gets around to the Don’ts:

“Don’t: Photos of Loved Ones

Remember: Real men don’t have loved ones, they have “dependent acquaintances;” people for whom they are in charge of providing clothing, shelter, and protection. They are like your employees. You wouldn’t hang a picture of Lars from shipping in your office, so why would you want a picture of Noah from your wife’s uterus hanging in your bedroom?

Don’t: Color, Sunshine, and Warmth

These frivolities have no place in a real man’s room. A real man knows his bedroom is really just a practice coffin.”

Does this Traister actually have children? Or has he even practiced how children are procreated? With a woman, I mean? If he does and they’re boys, they’re doomed to a world of douchebaggery. AWD has photos of his children, parents and loved ones all over his house. I’m proud of my kids and love looking at their photos at various stages of their precious lives. My children are not my “employees.” I’m their dad and it’s my job to provide for them and make them feel loved. This guy is starting to piss me off.

This article is what passes for manhood in testosterone deprived areas of America these days. Pinterest, Esquire and GQ Magazines post articles on how some metrosexual/homosexual fool thinks men should act. They post articles titled “Women We Love” when they would be better titled “Women We Wish We Were.” The wussification of America is in full swing. Don’t believe me? Just look at the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania!

There’s a big difference between acting like a man and acting like you believe a man should act. Especially when those telling you how to act are metrosexual tools. If you have to act, you’re missing it. Like I said, I can’t figure out if this Traister guy is trying to be funny or serious. Either way, he’s simply pathetic.

Hey Traister, want to learn how to be a man? Read this blog. We’ll shoot you straight.

Here’s the difference between you and AWD. You have Pinterest. I have Texas. I win.

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37 Comments

  1. Spurwing Plover says:

    Real men dont eat veggie burgers real men dont belong to PETA or GREENPEACE and real men dont ride bicycles

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  2. He might as well tuck his penis between his legs and audition for the Ru Paul show.

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  3. OMG this is HILARIOUS! Funniest AWD post evah! LOL Classic. Loved it! Thanks :-)

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  4. “Real houses where real men live don’t have exposed pipes to remind the inhabitant of penises. But AWD’s bedroom/boudoir has a lot of exposing of a certain pipe.”
    You never fail me, AWD. Always good for a literal LOL.

    BTW, don’t presume this disease of metrosexuality is quarantined to the big cities in blue states like Nueva Jork and Mexifornia anymore. I was having a conversation with a filly from Salt Lake City the other day and she said she loved it because it was “like the Austin of Utah”–full of “cool hipsters” (binomial: Homosexualis douchebagasaurus) and such. I wanted to smack her upside the head with my burrito.

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  5. Masculine bedrooms? WTF!!! Grey walls? Typowhatsis? Really? My walls are flat white, with a five gun rack hanging on it, and yes they are loaded, and they are as close I’m going to get to any “phallic” decorations. Does this Traister fruit really have a need to prove his masculinity to himself or anyone else? I’ll be that he has the same brand man purse that Miles Long has…probably the same shade of pink too.

    I do believe that this Traister is no metrosexual, but a full blown (pun intended) homosexual, AKA fag to those of that actually have testosterone flowing through our veins.

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    • Masculine bedroom = bedroom with a man inside. Anyone questioning whether his bedroom is “masculine” or not has answered that very question simply by asking it.

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  6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vITNZ69txF4

    The man of today…….DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

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  7. BillTheBuyer says:

    I got your moisturizer right behind this here zipper!

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  8. OMGawd…. pathetic. The author, poofter in waiting, is probably the catcher anyway. All my hubby cares about in the bedroom is a decent mattress, flat screen w- remote and my rack next to him. Also included: several firearms, place to hang ballestic vest & gunbelt & the son’s photos everywhere.
    ps -the last several editions of Sports Illustrated is re-decorating. Many poofter references. Time to cancel.

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  9. The only things I have in my bedroom are plain white walls, my video games, my bed, and my laundry pile. I’d have a gun but I’m to young.

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    • When you turn 18, go out and buy a shotgun or AR. Then, when you hit 21, get yourself a handgun and CWP. (Provided you live where they issue them)

      Hell, when you become a legal adult, move to where they issue them!

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      • Good advice, and I plan to listen to it.

        Texas seems to be a good place for me to go, once I’m old enough, it’s even increased it’s average income by about 9%. Can’t beat that!

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  10. Damn I feel sorry for women today having to be with a dude with no T.

    http://moonbattery.com/graphic.....rtable.jpg

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  11. It would be so much better for all If the ferals would just play the knockout game with the fags…then the MSM could ignore it and there would be no harm, no foul. Hell, after the victim is out cold, the ferals could have a butt hump party, and no one would care. The ferals will fuc*k anything that can’t outrun them, and the fags like taking it in the ass. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

    Oh, and metrosexual = fag still in the closet

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    • JMV, this is already starting to happen in Gay York City. Hyper-masculine NAMs are stalking fags all along the west side of Manhattan. Makes me smile. Diversity is strength! Sing it, boys!

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      • I’ll be damned, there is something good about nueva jork city! Maybe the hyper masculine types will eventually get to the mayor.

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  12. Classic AWD writing!
    Very funny, Dude.

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  13. Dear lord… what a fag.

    If this Traister thing is an example of what passes for a male, then we’re in deep shyte…

    There’s nothing wrong with good taste. Our house – a farmhouse about 100 years old – was built in the Arts & Crafts style of the late 19th century/early 20th. A response to the overly complicated styles that came before it, emphasis was/is on quality work and simplicity. Joints between pieces of wood are not hidden – just the opposite – they are done by hand and totally exposed to showcase the skills of the woodworker who actually did the work. Lots of hardwood, especially white oak.

    Our bedroom? Simple. Plaster walls, wide A&C moulding with plinth blocks (oiled, but varnish is okay too), white oak hardwood floor. Simple drapes over blinds. I left the artwork choices up to my wife, and she did a nice job.

    This Traister poofter needs some serious testosterone injections and then tossed into the woods for a few months….

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  14. I am sorry but I refuse to believe that the shamelessly aggressive/idiotic men over here (including the author) are married and have children. These are the kind of aggresive dudes who go to schools and shoot people.
    Seriously, don’t your friends tell you: “Did you say you love your wife and kids? What a fag.”
    Seriously, by your own idiotic standards, how can you dudes deal with mushy words like “love” and not consider yourself fags?

    You are kind of men that beat their wives and kids. I pity them.

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  15. AWD – Please add this obnoxiously offensive ad from AT&T Wireless to your collection of offensive, male-bashing ads if you haven’t already added it. This ad is currently running on all TV networks.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QIvSdbU878

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  16. compassionatefemale says:

    Creepy how the Yahoo article aligns men and masculinity with death and roboticism – in an effort to ostracize and mock men who aren’t overly emotional and who don’t act/think like women. Also, notice how anything related to love and warmth is denied to men by Traister – their own children are likened to their co-workers, thus advancing the “children are a burden” view that feminists love to spew out in every form of media imaginable. Imagine a Yahoo article that told women how to decorate their rooms, feminists would be throwing a fit about that too! But it’s “funny/cute” if a man is told how to live, making references to coffins and all. Talk about disturbing.

    But then again, I’m not really surprised at the type of writers Yahoo hires – Yahoo is a liberal site that promotes gay pride week or whatever the heck it’s called. Writers who engage in male-bashing certainly seem to be getting more aggressive and insulting though. That’s why it’s good to have sites such as this one, where those who need a break from the constant barrage of pro-feminist and pro-lgbt propaganda are exposed to normal views. It’s therapeutic, really.

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