A Pennsylvania 16 year old yoot stabbed 22 students at a local high school this week. His motive? He was feeling guilty about his white privilege. His weapons? Two semi-automatic kitchen knives with a full steel tang and ergonomic military plastic handles. There have been many other vicious stabbings throughout America’s violent, knife-loving history. The time has come for every American to ask themselves, “do we really need the Ginsu?”
Liberal legal experts have rightly pointed out that the right to own kitchen cutlery is not protected under the Constitution. And, as such, must be regulated by the federal government. Really, is there any difference between a knife and nuclear weapon? Americans don’t need to personally own nuclear weapons so why would they need a kitchen knife?
Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said:
“How many vicious stabbings of our children do we have to see to realize that the violent kitchen knife culture in America is out of control? Once again we see how unregulated knives have made their way into the wrong hands and our children are paying the price.
No one in America needs a knife with a military-designed point and sharpness that will cut human flesh. This is 19th century thinking. There are many other common kitchen items that can be used in place of deadly sharpened knives that serve only one purpose…to kill. Oh, and yes, spread butter.
Americans must examine if their selfish ownership of kitchen knives is costing innocent lives? Aren’t their other items that can replace these instruments of death? For example, that old pocket calculator you have in your junk drawer in the kitchen could easily spread butter on your morning toast instead of a knife. Or you could use your fingers provided they have been sanitized to EPA and USDA standards. There are thousands of easy substitutes for these killing machines if we as Americans only have the guts to find them.
But there are times we realize a real knife must be used. Like in carving the Fall or Winter Festival turkey. Therefore, I am submitting HR 1776 which will require a federal license for any individual to own kitchen knives and other sharpened tools. After extensive training by the Department of Homeland Security, those who prove a need for cutlery will undergo a full psychiatric exam followed by a full criminal history check performed by the FBI. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms will make periodic unannounced inspections of the dwelling of knife license holders to ensure their cutlery is locked away properly.
Senate Leader Harry Reid is joining me in calling a ban on imports of knives used commonly for cutting like the Ginsu and other cheap, Saturday Night Special knives from China. We are also asking President Obama to create the Department of Cutlery And Edged Tools to eventually enforce and oversee all backgrounding, examinations, inspections, regulations, taxation, and enforcement of all knife and cutlery laws.
While Republicans will no doubt scoff at these common-sense measures to ensure safety for our children, Democrats are once again leading in the cause to keep Americans safe.”
Other measures being considered by Democrats is making America a “Knife-Free Zone” and making it illegal for anyone to own pointed objects like pencils, sticks, fishing poles, paper clips, broken glass, and nipples.
Recently exiled Englishter Piers Morgan said:
“Once again we see the violence that perpetuates American culture! I only wish the young man had used a semi-automatic assault rifle with a 30 round clip…which no one really needs!
I’m very glad to be leaving the violent American shores and returning to the peaceful streets of Englandistan.”
Local knife confiscation centers are being organized by the Department of Homeland Security. all kitchen cutlery and sharpened objects will be collected. That includes scissors. Yes, even the little dull kindergarten scissors, McVeigh!