If there’s one damn thang that will turn AWD into a wife-stoning Muslim it will be @#&* Christian rock music! This stuff is so bad it would make Jesus cuss. Now I apologize to all y’all pious types who clog up the streets of red states with this mess blaring out the Delco speakers of your 1992 Dodge Caravans. But if you’re clogging up streets in a 1992 Dodge Caravan with Delco speakers, you’ve got a whole hell of a lot bigger problems than listening to @#^& Christian rock!
AWD saw this on his Facebook page yesterday. I normally don’t steal from other websites (OK, yes I do) but this stuff was so damn bad I just had to report it to the dudes and dudettes at AWD. Now that Savage Guitar has signed on to carry a bit of the Music That Doesn’t Suck load, AWD might just have to start reporting on Music That Does Suck. There’s just so much!
Here’s what Faithit.com says is the top 5 worst Christian rock videos of all time. I’ll take their word for it because I’d rather make out with Whoopi Goldberg than look for Christian rock worse than these videos! I’d venture there are millions of other tracks that are equally as bad. Maybe.
First of all, like this fine Christian man will attest, there is no @#&* Christian rock! It’s all a musical concoction of Satan!
I don’t know about you but there’s something about a guy coming up to a bunch of guys in a Taco Bell to pray for them that makes me want to get saved. Not even one power chord from the so-called “Christian rock band” and this guy was feeling demonic angels dancing in the rafters!
Next up is a ska Jesus song for all you Christian ska music fans. Both of you. It’s called ‘Jesus Is My Friend.’ The guy sings it like he’s in Devo. What? I think he might be in Devo! Isn’t that plastic hair? This is not just bad. It’s real bad. I have it on record that Jesus is not the singer’s friend anymore after this video was released.
Next up is Greg Mead with ‘With Arms Wide Open.’ Too bad he sings with his mouth wide open. Does he have a speech impediment? No, that’s a singing impediment. Somebody should have stopped Greg before he recorded this. Friends don’t let friends record when they suck. Nice air guitar, though. Or maybe he’s having a seizure. If this guy was good looking, he’d be a superstar in Nashville with all that horrible sh*t that passes as country music.
‘Crank Dat Holy Ghost’ combines the worst of Christian music and the worst of wigger Rap. Ooooooo Doooooo should be Oooooo Nooooo! I pray that guy in the Mavericks jersey doesn’t live in Dallas. This is so bad it actually cheered me up.
‘Baby Got Book’ starts with some Valley Girl-speaking filly talking about a girl with a big Bible. This is a rip-off of Baby Got Back. Last time AWD went to church, I overheard some church babes saying “you just know AWD has a HUGE Bible” when I passed them by on the way to confession for reeling in the biscuit numerous times over the past week.
I hate this video and I can’t deny.
AWD searched for the worst Muslim videos but could find only one. Probably since them camel-humpers decapitate anyone who contemplates making music. Thank Allah! The only one I could find is one of the Angry White Imam’s faves…The Dance Of The 1000 Imams. This video is 100% Sharia compliant.