TIGER WOODS WIFE CHARGED WITH HATE CRIME!
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - ELIN NORDEGREN HEAD BUTTS TIGER WOODS!
This morning, Attorney General Eric Holder said Elin Nordegren, the wife of professional golfer Tiger Woods would be charged with hate crimes after clubbing her husband with a 7 iron last Thursday night. Holder said,
“Elin Nordegren will be charged with assault and domestic violence upon a brother for her recent beating of said brother. She will also be charged with vehicular assault for hitting Tiger’s fly Escalade with a golf club. I can understand her being upset about Tiger ridin’ dirty, but she doesn’t have to go and take it out on the brother’s ride, what if she hit a rim?!?”
Nordegren has been arrested after an argument over rumors of an extra-marital affair involving Tiger and a hoochie escalated into violence in the couple’s mansion outside of Orlando, Florida. Reportedly, Tiger Woods reportedly escaped the golf club wielding supermodel screaming curses in a foreign dialect. This incident has not gone unnoticed by advocates of civil rights. Reverend Al (“aks me if I’s impotent!) Sharpton is already planning massive marches in support of Tiger Woods, who is half black. Sharpton said:
“Ever notice if you spell “golf” backwards it say “flog?” You know that ain’t right! The Man has been flogging brothers and sisters for centuries. Tiger Woods is just another brother being exploited by the white man! His ancestors were brought to America against their will and Tiger Woods would much rather have grown up in Africa and would rather be living in Africa today! At least half of him do!
Sharpton, the voice for all black people…even half-black ones went on to say:
It is time white peoples understand Tiger Woods will no longer perform for their entertainment. As soon as I can get me some ACORN money, I’m going to fly a bunch of my oppressed protesters down to Florida to bring attention to the exploitation of Tiger Woods….if we can get into his gated community. And I only got one thing to say to his wife…..’OJ’.”
The Professional Golfers Association has been notably silent since the Woods incident occurred. Sharpton is calling for black golf fans to boycott the PGA. Both of them. Mrs. Woods is scheduled for a tribunal at Guantanamo military base in Cuba once terrorists currently there have been relocated to more comfortable quarters in New York City. Eric Holder said:
“We must send a strong message against the epidemic of white on black…or half black violence. We will not let this domestic terrorist, Mrs. Tiger Woods, further her hateful message of violence on the oppressed.”
April Fools is not for another 4 months!
Zorro, is it THAT far fetched?
AWD
Tiger Woods’ own mother was a race traitor. Eldrick jr.(Tiger) married a white woman(another race traitor). Goes around, comes around. Who gives a F— about anything regarding ex-slaves. This isn’t the NFL.
..was she wearing gloves that didn’t ‘quite’ fit?
I offer no apologies for the slaves my great grandfather owned or for the yankees he killed.
Ditoe, I believe Tiger’s mother is Philipine.
AWD
I believe Tiger’s mother is Thai.
Ronduck, I think you are correct.
Funny thing,…how’s “greasy Al” gonna make racial hay with that mix? Heehee!
AWD:
You are correct; it’s not that far fetched.
Political Correctness has changed the United States and not for the better.
Eric Holder is definitely out of control.
AWD, this post is a joke, right?
YAWM, you might say that.
AWD
You sir once again are f***ing HILARIOUS!!! You have a great sense of humor…it reminds me of reading National Lampoon in the 70′s before it got PC and went belly up. I like your writing style as well. Do you ever watch the show “Redeye” on Fox? Usually it is pretty good and in the same vein of humor as yours.
“”"Young Angry White Male says:
November 30, 2009 at 12:26 am
AWD, this post is a joke, right?”"”"
Is that post sarcasm or is this guy a true moron?????
Misty, thanks for the kind words. I do watch Redeye from time to time and enjoy it. I’m glad you like the AWD page. We hope you’ll share your opinions often.
AWD
Sorry. Last comment but I spotted two other morons.. Tiger Wood’s mother is Thai..not White, not Filipino.
AWD:
What’s your take on Greg Gutfield who hosts “Redeye”?
He is a brazen flirt with some of his male panelists.
He is also quite suggestive when a hot babe appears on the show, too.
This post is very funny. Do I have your permission to copy it in an email to a friend?
Keep up the good work.
Madalyn
Madalyn, of course. Anything to brighten someones day.
AWD
‘Dude: Elle should thank her lucky stars she isn’t married to OJ!
Funny stuff there, AWD
I m really pissed about this. I lost a bet. I said it would be a 9 iron, damn women you can’t trust them.
I watch “Red Eye” often and I get a kick out of Greg and his “Greg-a-log”.
Also the Pinch news gag is a riot.
Boy, the more that comes out daily about perfect Tiger, looks like he’s in some deep, deep shite!
He’s lucky she didn’t finish what she started with him from all the BS I’ve heard he’s done over the years, as they say, ‘Hell Hath No Fury like a Woman Scorned’…and she’s not done yet.
BigTimer:
Seriously, what did you expect?
He is just another typical black superstar (is golf a sport?!) urged on by his private parts, trailed by gorgeous half naked white camp followers, who would kill over the right to tell the National Inquirer that they put a Tiger in their tank.
Based on the above, there’s still hope for us yet: maybe Mrs.Obama will be chasing a naked Hussein down the driveway next week.
Now THAT would be good news!
I think it was sometime in ’99 or 2000, a Sports writer or commentator stated,
“the only thing that could ever stop Tiger is a serious injury… or bad marriage.”
wisdom
I can already guess what Nike’s next add slogan will be.
“Just Do her”
Olds…you have me laughing here, you know, I’m old enough to remember the phrase ‘Put a Tiger in your Tank’, or something like that.
HJ…
Wisdom and Nike’s new ad slogan, doesn’t get any more honest than that.
“‘Put a Tiger in your Tank’, or something like that.” – Bigtimer
I remember that too. It was an Exxon advertisement I believe,or was it Frosted Flakes? Hehe!
Hillbilly Jack
Lol…Tony the Tiger and Frosted Flakes.
Tiger in your Tank…Gas/oil, I almost said gas station commercials, because that was it was back then in my area…heck, days long gone…sadly.
BIGTIMER & HBJ:
It WAS a gas station commercial, dammit! Esso Gas Stations. They used to give away free synthetic tiger tails that you attached to your radio antenna. As a kid, I also had a giant, green blow-up Dino the Dinosaur that my dad brought home after a fill-up ($ 5.00!) once. Those babies probably go for a fortune on e-bay today in pristine condition. Just think: if we had saved all that junk years ago, we’d be millionaires today. Of course, then we’d have to make aisles in our homes in order to be able to navigate through the mess.
Trophy Wife equals trophy settlement, BUT, I can always rent trophy quality!!
hEY BIGTIMER…YOU ALMOST GOT IT RIGHT…IT WAS ESSO GASOMINE, BUT, THE TIGER TAIL WAS ATTACHED TO THE FUEL FILLER PIPE SO THE THGER TAIL COULD BE SEEN AT THE GAS FILLER DOOR. hENCE “A TIGER IN YOUR TANK”.
SORRY GUYS FOR THE DREADFUL TYPING…ESSO GASOLINE (NOT GASOMINE)
All I can say is Tiger if he in fact cheated on his wife should have expected this! Most infidelity usually drives most wives and husbands over the deep end over their significant other’s betrayal.
People get killed over this kind of stuff. Tiger should know when your famous and you do this kind of stuff everyone will know about it in less than a week.
Define “Sad”
http://www.tigerwoodsisgod.com
But he does make some good points…
“In the end, this situation, like much of life is all about expectations.
To whom much is given, much is expected. No one has ever been given more than Tiger and therefore our expectations for him were also unprecedented.
He has failed to live up to those expectations and he has shattered a sacred trust that cannot be repaired. Therefore, Tiger Woods now has at least one less supporter. I am quite sure that I am not alone.”
Honkin, yesterday was finally a day when I was glad NOT to be Tiger Woods!
AWD
No kiddin AWD
While I am by no means a rabid Tiger fan, I can only hope at the end of all this, he finds way to get back to where he started. Detach the grip of some of the influences he’s allowed to surround him… that ingrate Steve Williams for starters. Followed by MJ and Charles Barkley.
I gotta think, as we say around here…
“He was raised better than that”
Roderick…
Thank YOU!
Tiger Wood Jokes for the Day!
These are funny!
http://www.weaselzippers.net/blog/2009/12/jokes-of-the-day.html
I have to take one more cheap shot at Tiger. And you have my assurance this is more out of boredom than malice. A gem by The Who written by John Entwistle.
My Wife
My life’s in jeopardy
Murdered in cold blood is what I’m gonna be
I ain’t been home since Friday night
And now my wife is coming after me
Give me police protection
Gonna buy a gun so
I can look out for number one
Give me a bodyguard
A black belt judo expert with a machine gun
Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane
When she catches up with me
Won’t be no time to explain
She thinks I’ve been with another woman
And that’s enough to send her half insane
Gonna buy a fast car
Put on my lead boots
And take a long, long drive
I may end up spending all my money
But I’ll still be alive
All I did was have a bit too much to drink
And I picked the wrong precinct Got picked up by the law
And now I ain’t got time to think
Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane
When she catches up with me
Won’t be no time to explain
She thinks I’ve been with another woman
And that’s enough to send her half insane
Gonna buy a fast car
Put on my lead boots
And take a long, long drive
I may end up spending all my money
But I’ll still be alive
And I’m oh so tired of running
Gonna lay down on the floor
I gotta rest some time so
I can get to run some more
She’s comin’!
She’s comin’!
One of my favorite Who songs…can even play it on the six string! Snake, we definitely share the same musical tastes!
AWD