ADVICE FROM THE BIG SEXY, ANGRY WHITE DUDE
From time to time, AWD likes to shake things up and talk about something other than politics, male bashing commercials and political correctness. Sometimes I like to talk about loooove, bay-bah!
Today, AWD received an email from a lovelorn reader asking for some advice in the romance department. It said:
Hello im Ishmell, I have read the concerns about american women and im not sure what to do. Im 25 year old african american male and im single with a great job. Im on the verge of investing my money in a profitable real estate business. I have realized that american women are scum compared to women in other countries, im thinking of waiting and maybe finding romance overseas, later down the road, but I dont want to put all my eggs in that basket. Im thinking of maybe trying to find a good american women now. I was asking for ur advice, should I just be paient and focus on foriegn women or take a chance on american women now? What has been your expirience with american women?
Dear Ishmell, AWD is here for you. You’re obviously a cat that’s going places. Hopefully, prison isn’t one of them! A word of advice, when you invest your money into the real estate business, make sure they have spell check on their computers. Now, on to the topic of American fillies. No doubt American babushkas can be tricky. They can be demanding. They can want perfection. They cannot be satisfied. Here’s a story from AWD’s past. When the AWD moved to Dallas, I met a young lovely through a friend and we went out one evening. On the first date, she gave me the list of requirements for her man. They were:
1. He has to be rich but not work too much
2. He has to be in excellent physical condition but not spend too much time in the gym.
3. He has to have a credit rating above 700
4. He has never been married and doesn’t have children
I looked this young babe-a-lonian in the eyes and said, “honey you’re looking for the man that doesn’t exist.” I was too kind to say that if he did he would not have had anything to do with her. She also made a snide comment about gunowners…not knowing the AWD’s .45 was resting comfortably in the console. Needless to say, this romance was doomed from the outset! Ishmell, there are millions of American fillies like that out there. Some American girls with a few more years on them seem to be a little more level-headed and appreciate a good man. Many American women want to control every molecule of air her man breathes. Maybe you want to rethink finding a woman and just continue to be a free agent, free to move with the wind. Here’s an excerpt from The Book of Guys you’ll find interesting:
Marriage looks very appealing until you are in the company of
married people and then the horrors of the institution cry out to you,
said the Don. Marriage is for women, ugly women. It makes no
sense for men. It never did.
The married guy has to have an airtight explanation for everything
he does by himself. If he wants to go for a *walk around the block*
alone, he has to invent an excuse for not taking his beloved with him.
To get up out of his chair and go into the kitchen and run a glass of tap water, he has to announce to his wife, like a child in the third grade, or else she will say, “Where are you going? To the kitchen? For a glass of tap water? Fine. Why can’t you say so? Why do you *always just wander away without saying a word?* You wouldn’t treat anybody else that way. How do I know if you’re going to the kitchen or going to New Orleans for a week? And it would’ve been nice if you’d offered to bring *me* something from the kitchen. But no. You just get up and walk away. I could be sitting here dying and you’d never notice.” Then she bursts into tears, grieving for herself and her future death. This is marriage.
A single guy can walk around without explaining it to anyone. He
can also go to New Orleans. This gives a man a dignified feeling,
knowing that you could, if you wanted to, drive somewhere. Or drive
*nowhere*, just cruise around with the top down soaking up rays and
laying down rubber. Married guys can’t go nowhere. There always has to be a plan, a list of errands, a system, a destination. Alone, your life is intuitive, like poetry. With a woman, it’s a form of bookkeeping.
Ishmell, truer words have never been spoken. So, again, you might want to rethink the whole relationship thing. As for AWD, I met a South American woman 3 years ago who has made me very happy. They program women differently down there. South American women want to take care of the family and their husband. Many American women want to be men. They certainly want to dominate everything around them!
I’ll share a secret with you. Sometimes, the AWD, Big Sexy himself, has a question and must turn to a true expert. I have found no man understands womerns better than The King of Country Western Troubadours – Unknown Hinson. Here he is giving advice on a touchy subject (that AWD does not endorse!):
Ishmell, I hope ol’ AWD has been of some help to you. I’m sure the dudes and dudettes will want to weigh in on your little dilemma. Fasten your seat belt!
This column is right up my alley. I’ve been thinking about the whole marriage game, and a suitor for such…and there’s this girl I met in college. She’s from the Land of the Rising Sun, and they too program their women differently than here in the States. She and I have been close for a while now…should I make the next move AWD?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot did you find that video (w = where in this case)? Too funny.
My advice, Ishmell: When you’re young (as you are), go for the older women–they know what they want and there’s much less pointless drama. But if you’re old (as I am) and find yourself unwed (as I was), pivot and go for the younger women–they won’t be pathologically obsessed with their biological clocks. It’s a winning formula.
And yes–there is something about South American women. They certainly know how to take care of a man. I’m not too well versed, but my limited experience says you can’t go wrong with a Columbian, Nicaraguan, or Costa Rican. I’m sure most of the rest would fit the bill as well…
Ishmel– if you ever become friends with a woman–look close–friendship lasts longer than heat. My friendship is in its fortieth year and she is the heart of my day, the warmth of my night. I want to stay around as long as she will have me. We are still best friends. She makes me laugh every day. She takes care of me when I am ill. She gave us a son, who in turn has given us a grand daughter.
I believe that is the way God in His infinite wisdom planned it for us.
OK, I am a sentimental old man, but Lord how I am blessed.
misterbill, alls I can say is “Amen.” May God continue to bless you and your family, brother.
sky
Thank you.
misterbill, you about make MY heart melt.
I know this will sound unrealistic but my wife and I met 11 years ago over the internet (not a dating site) by accident. We had no idea we would ever meet. Me-FL/Her-CA. We became such good friends in the next year because we were able to be who we were, because, again, we didn’t think we would ever meet. And we were truthful with each other about all our likes and dislikes. After deciding that we liked each other so much that we had to meet, I flew to see her and that was repeated quite a few times in the next year. We have now been married 9 years. She is the second best thing that ever happened to me. Jesus Christ is the #1 thing and she also feels this way. I would not change a thing about her and I know she feels the same about me. We have had disagreements but I can’t ever remember either one of us raising our voices to each other. I am the luckiest man in the world as I am lucky enough to be with my best friend every day.
R&R–
God bless you and your sweetheart. Many of us, when young , answer to the call of the wild and not the voice of reason. I am a Catholic and as one I am not in favor of divorce. Nonetheless, I did get divorced.
I once commented to my wife that had I met her 10 years earlier I would never have been divorced. (She is a Catholic too.) She, with her great sense of humor told me that I would have been jailed for violation of child protection laws. (I am her senior by 14 years, yet she is the mature one.)
I hope all you gentlemen are blessed as well as I.I’ve been “dating” my best friend for 52 years and I wouldn’t trade her for a mountain of gold.Our successful formula is attributed to the hide and seek
relationship we have. Why just the other day she found me and the first thing she uttered was…come out from under that bed you little bastard…..
misterbill
I do, indeed, feel blessed by God with the wonderful woman He provided. I too, have a previous divorce. It was my current wife that made me start asking questions about God, so its even one more reason to love her.
I am glad that you have also found your “soul” mate.
JimB.
Silly man, after 52 years you should know the places to hide by now. Lol. Congrats for your long relationship. Most people I know these days consider 5 years to be an eternity. There is no sure thing as committment any more with the generational and relationship “evolution”.
JimB….you have me laughing here.
My best friend is my husband, we’ve been together for 30 plus years now…both were married previously…he’s 12 years older than me, yet we fit together perfectly, like misterb said:
…if you ever become friends with a woman–look close–friendship lasts longer than heat.
…and there are plenty of good, loving, give and take women right here in this country….marriage takes all kinds of patience, but I wouldn’t know what to do without my other half.
Ishmell, Can’t speak for the foreign flora and fauna, but I think the local breed goes for the tough guys. They say they like the smart, sensitive, funny, and caring type. Don’t believe it. You need to put up a rugged front. Physical injury works well.
That’s how I met my wife. I had just crashed my motorcycle and was beat up real bad. My face looked like it had been kicked-in by Mike Tyson. I used the opportunity and headed out to the local watering hole where I knew there would be womerns. One girl who was playing backgammon with some friends noticed me, came over and asked if I had been in a fight. I lied and said yes. We have been together 20 years now.
danny…you’ve got me laughing here as well…I love these heat-warming stories.
I met my husband when he hired me, he also fired me once, long story, had nothing to do with my work, had to do with his ex-wife…he also rehired me next day…
I showed her!
Seriously…funny how we all got where we are with our mates.
Foreign women: Yes, for the most part are raised differently; however, I had a friend bring his ‘honey’ over from Thailand and she became liberated and OMG! Once they get here they find that they don’t have to put up with any of your $h1t.
As far as American women… they are the least desirable in the world.
But in defense I will say that I have been blessed with meeting, falling in love with, and marrying my soulmate. My marriage was so good that it seemed like a dream when I was living it. It was awesome! But unfortunately I lost her to breast cancer 16 years ago. I can tell you that life hasn’t been the same since. I cannot get those feelings up with any other woman. I’ve had six lady friends since my wife died and they’ve all been LOSERS! But I’m pretty much okay now and have given up trying to find somebody to fill that huge void in my life. I’ll just live out the rest of my days alone. Best wishes to all of you and I pray that you all find your soulmate… it’s the greatest relationship (aside from the one with Jesus) in the world. I’ll be with my bride again one day… I truly believe that.
Willi
Willi…
My heart goes out to you…more than you know.
I wish the best for you, no matter where life takes you.
Willi, that is absolutely heart breaking. Like others here, I have found my soul mate and cannot imagine life without her. I am glad to hear you’re a man of faith; at the end of the day we always have the consolation of the Almighty. Still, I am sorry for your loss. God bless.
(PS: I started the posts here with something cheeky; now it feels embarrassingly off-tone.)
Red…yeah, it brings us all to reality…and the sorrow of loss, which that hole in your heart can never be filled.
I’m only saying that because I’ve lost a son, I know that there is a difference, but I understand that emptiness inside- that nothing can ever replace it.
Thank you all. We were married on 30 April 1988. I was three weeks shy of my 37th birthday. I waited for her to come into my life. I didn’t fall in love with the first woman I went to bed with — there’s a huge difference between having sex and making love. I sure hope that many of you get to experience making love. Around August that year we discovered that she had the beginnings of stage 3 breast cancer. She sat me down after we visited the Oncologist, who gave her 25% chance she’d be alive in a year, and she gave me an out of the marriage, which I refused of course. She had no right to do that. I took my wedding vows to her and to GOD and GOD wasn’t going to let me out. My parents told me years later that they would have disowned me if I had left her. And it would have been a total separation — we couldn’t even be friends. She read books on breast cancer and found that about 95% of relationships broke up because of breast cancer. She used to call me “Mister Five Percent” because I refused to leave her. We fought the cancer for about a year-and-a-half and she was declared in remission. After three years it came back in both lungs — game over! We were married 5-1/2 years. In (my) reality; however, I shall always be married to her.
Folks: Never take your loved ones for granted. Life is too short and precious. Your husband or wife could leave the house for work and never come back — killed in a traffic accident. Of course it is natural to take things for granted, but after something happens, then we realize what we really had and the guilt sets in for not cherishing every moment you had with them. Cherish the time you have! It is short.
Wishing you all the best.
Willi
“I’ll be with my bride again one day…” – Willi
Of that sir,I have absolutely no doubt.
Godspeed
HJ
AWD – Just love it when you call us gals fillies. You all are so sappy, I need a hug.
Willi
I consider myself a man’s man, but I have tears in my eyes after reading this. I admire and respect you for the honor you displayed to your wife. God bless and keep you man.
Georgie, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM…there..that was a virtual hug, you little fillie!
AWD
Red, I too started off with something a little less somber..now I just feel selfish.
Note to Ishmell, if you would learn how to spell, a scumbag American woman might take you seriously.
Love and Kisses,
Your friendly neighborhood scumbag American woman
Find out what your girlfriend’s income is. Tell her your income is less than hers. She will never marry you.
This filthy negroid is obviously trying to rape a nice white girl and the white girls don’t want anything to do with an aids infested African cannibal. This ape needs to go back to the African jungle where it belongs and it can get it’s muh dik on all it wants like the primitive animal it is.
Rocknrollnole LOL @Nunya
AWD:
“Ishmell” is the ghetto spelling of “Yishmael”- which means this guy is a black muslim.
The best advice you could have given him was to buy a one-way ticket to Ugunda, and then to burn his American passport upon arrival.
There he will find an endless supply of some real fine young black fillies there, cheap.
A man walkinging down the beach picks up a bottle and rubs it, a jeanie appears and grants the man three wishes, he tells the jeanie he wants a new convertable, a bag of money to fill up the back seat and a highway to Hawaii, The jeanie tells him the car and money are no problem but the highway to Hawaii is too hard choose something else, the man thinks and then tells the jeanie he wants total understanding of women, the jeanie ask him if he wants four lanes or two.
There are plenty of decent American ladies out there.
It’s like a used car, you have to find one before they rack up to many miles and problems.
Sounds to me like some of you fellas don’t want a partner; you want a servant. I’ll pass.
Ladygun, I think most men indeed do want a partner….not a boss!
AWD
@Ladygun12
You haven’t listened to most of the conversation about how some of us feel about our partners.
“I’ll pass”—I’m sorry, I didn’t hear any offers.
Ladygun, if women knew their place, we wouldn’t have to import all these Mexicans!
Ok, that was a horribly stupid and politically incorrect joke–but my “little filly” doesn’t let me tell them, so I like to post them here!
I have to go do the dishes now. I crap you negative.
NYC….LOL
You know why God made women’s feet smaller than men’s?
So they could stand closer to the sink.
I am so fortunate in that my wife knows that I love to tell female jokes, but she also knows I don’t mean any of it.
A young lad’s older brother was getting married and the lad saw her white wedding dress.
He asked his mother “why is the brides dress white?”
The mother said it indicated the purity of the bride.
The lad asked his father “why is the brides dress white?”
His father said all kitchen appliances come in white.
rocknrollnole, ooooooo, you are sooooo witty!
I’m very happy many of you have found your perfect mates. Your stories are very sweet and touching. The ones I was referring to are the ones suggesting that men “shop” for Central and South American and Asian women because they “program their women differently.” Puh-leeze!
I don’t desire to be any man’s boss (if he can’t stand up for himself, he’s not for me); neither do I want to be his servant. A give-and-take partnership many of us long for is VERY hard to find. Those of you who have found it are very fortunate indeed.
Ladygun….
I’m with you gal…nothing more, nothing less.
Thanks RockNRolla–some more jokes I can use to get myself in trouble next time I find myself at some pretentious cocktail party!
When my wife was around I was the boss of the house and wore the pants in the family… however, she told me what color and how long the pants were to be!!!
Willi
Ladygun12 says:
“I don’t desire to be any man’s boss (if he can’t stand up for himself, he’s not for me); neither do I want to be his servant. A give-and-take partnership many of us long for is VERY hard to find. Those of you who have found it are very fortunate indeed.”
————————————
whoa…score!
so..what are your plans next weekend?
..I’ve got an indoor range membership and lots of ammo