A video is going viral of a mother giving her 11 year old son who wants to be a girl his/her first hormone pills. The world is changing. AWD gave his son a Remington 1100 when he turned 11.
That’s a boy. Or supposed to be.
You know, AWD has been thinking about all this sex change mess for a while and we may be thinking all wrong about it! Kind of how we made fun of boy cheerleaders in high school. Hell, while I was pushing around 300 pound land blobs on the football field as an offensive tackle, boy cheerleaders were ‘rasslin curvy babes up in the air and looking up their skirts! Dayum, I’d do that all different if I could!
So I am making a public announcement that AWD wants to be a woman. At least for a little while. I know this will shock a lot of readers but you can’t oppress me!
Basically, I’m going to get me some of those woman hormone pills. I’ll take a few before going to bed and in the morning….schwing!…well, not schwing! anymore because my unit won’t be there anymore, but voila, I’ll be a hot, sexy babydoll!
Basically, I really just want to watch my new womanly self taking a sensual shower and lathering up all my curvy and tingly parts with lavender scented bath balms under the steamy hot water cascading down upon the newfound perfect mounds in my chestular region. I like that. Yeah, I really like that. My ass will be so perfectly round that NASA scientists will be able to calibrate their instruments to it. It will be the greatest shower AWD has ever had. Might last quite a while too. But, hell, this ain’t California. We have water here in Texas.
After taking a long time to towel the water off my perfect bod, AWD won’t put on a robe or any of that sh*t. I’m going to slowly moisturize my sexy self while watching my sexy self in the mirror. I’ll probably even clean it. I’ll admire all the pill-given curves science has given me. Hell, will probably snap a few selfies. Without the duck face. That’s gay.
I’m quite sure I’ll be late for work working my sexy female self into the perfect picture of feminine beauty. I might just take me a citrus scented bubble bath with vanilla jojoba crystals after the shower just to make sure I’ve washed and moisturized every sexy inch of my curvy, sexy body. I like that. Yeah, I like that.
And you better believe it’s nothing but Victoria’s Secret for the Big Sexy! With stockings and garters, baybah. Ohhh, how I can’t wait to be a hot babe! All it takes is a pill!
After I’ve enjoyed the shower, moisturizing, bubble bath and Victoria’s Secret, I’ll swallow me a few male pills and grow back my big man-thang and change me into my manly, normal sups-sexy man self. Did I say normal? That’s such a hateful word these days! But screw it, as much fun it may be to shower and moisturize as a woman, AWD is a man. A real man. That’s right.
I’ll put on my big-ass boxers, jeans, cowboy boots and my usual AWD t shirt before hopping on my Harley or in my F150 and heading to the mines to yell at my employees. But damn! It sure will be fun being a woman. For a while, at least.
I mean, let’s face it. What man would ever want to be a woman? Except Bruce Jenner. But he’s from California. Even so, I think even Bruce or Caitlyn still has his unit so even he doesn’t really want to be a filly. Being a woman isn’t easy and a man would have to be crazy or from California to want to be one.
Aside from the horrible experience of the monthly bleeding thing (yikes!) and having to shave your crotchular regions (ain’t nobody got time for that!), woman sh*t is just plain boring! Mostly gone, as a filly, would be your interest in guns, flash lights, and fire trucks. Think how boring your existence would be!
You’d feel faint at the sight of the latest @#&* Michael Kors overpriced purse. (Ask AWD’s little filly on that one. I just can’t figure it out.) You’d have a closet full of every kind of woman shoe you can imagine when, as a guy, all you need is some boots. Goes with everything. Looks good on anybody.
Also,have you ever noticed how women go all ape-sh*t when they see one of their friends? They act like they haven’t seen them in a decade when they just saw them only a few hours ago. “Ohhh, hi there!!!! You look so great!!!” they say to their girlfriends even if the friend is a bufforilla.
Here’s the difference between manly behavior and filly behavior:
Women compliment their friends and don’t mean it. Men insult their friends and don’t mean it.
It’s easier to greet your buddies as a dude. You simply say “Howdy” or “How’s it hanging”, or “Gettin’ any?” Or if he’s a really good buddy, you say “Hey homo.”
Yep, AWD is going to give this being a woman thing a chance for an hour or so. I sure like looking at women. Especially in the shower. Yeah, yeah, I really like that. But after I get all that womanly bidness out of my system, I’m taking me some man pills to restore my manliness and going pig hunting.
That is, unless I can finagle some shower time with my Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader girlfriends. But I guaran-damn-tee you I’ll smuggle some man pills into the shower with them. You know, just in case.
A parting lesson to all you parents out there. When your boy turns 11, give him a @#&* shotgun! You’ll be doing him/her a favor.