AWD just looked at the GoFundMe thang going on for Memories Pizza and saw people have donated over $800,000! $800 large just because they won’t cater a gay wedding? Well, BFD! Neither will AWD and ain’t nobody sent me jack squat!
The Big Sexy definitely could use some cash American since I blew all my what they call “disposable income” on that new Taylor six string. I figured I could write me a few country chart-toppers and end up richer than Mr Howell without having too much talent. Hey, it worked for Billy Ray Cyrus! That no-talent, mullet-headed redneck can kiss my big ol’ achy breaky ass! If Billy Ray can do it, hell, anybody can make it as a songwriter. Or so I thought! The creative songwriting juices, you might say, haven’t exactly been flowing like the tears of Bill Clinton when he finds Hillary is staying home for the weekend. Writing a chart-topper is harder than it seems! And AWD is in huge need of that new DPMS AR-10 for some late season pig hunting so I figured I might try something else to get rich!
So I figured that if that pizza joint up in Indiana can get an easy million dollars for not catering gay weddings, hell, I can get my pockets fat by not doing anything at all for gay people! Furthermore, to get those contribution dollars flowing, AWD won’t do sh*t for ANY liberal!
For example, say my redneck neighbor Neal (who was spied recently drinking a Perrier at Le Madeleine before heading in the general direction of the mani/pedi boutique) comes by and wants to borrow some of AWD’s lavender scented bubble bath? AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN, MISTER! I won’t even answer the door for that (suspected) metrosexual half-a-sissy anymore! That’s right! AWD won’t do sh*t for anyone even SUSPECTED of being a libtard! I’m hard-core, I tell ya! Unlike Memories Pizza who I hear hands out samples of man beauty and moisturizing products! And YOU send them your money! Why I ought to give you a slap!
AWD can’t say he’s ever baked a cake for anyone before but I damn sure won’t be baking one for them now if they’re gay or a liberal…but I repeat myself! Same goes for pizza! Now, I’ve thrown a few Walmart big 16-inch Four Meat bad-ass pizzas in the oven for my kids when they were little. But now that they’re grown, AWD will give them the twenty questions to ensure they don’t have any liberal leanings! If they do (or are even suspected of), I will force them to sit at the table while AWD scarfs down the whole 16-inche pizza pie in front of them!
Now, that’s pretty hard core right there, you must admit! Who is tough enough to watch their children starve because they might be liberals? Not that damn Memories Pizza! I even heard they wouldn’t even let a gay person starve! So why keep sending them your money?? That sh*t just ain’t right!
I’m as serious as two dogs getting it on, y’all! Send me your money and AWD is prepared to do your mean, nasty acts to any and all gays and liberals! I’ll throw trash in their yard. I’ll pee on their tires. I don’t care! I’m a real conservative and not like those Memories Pizza fakes up in Indiana! Hell, I’ll even go up to Indiana and pee on the front door of Memories Pizza for serving gays and liberals!
AWD will even take requests for dirty deeds done not dirt cheap if y’all want to get back at your libtarded associates! Tired of listening to that limp-wrested poofter at work talking about how he just loves him some Obamacare? Or about the marvelous souffle he whipped up for his life partner last night? Well, let AWD add something extra to the Armor All on his tires! And Lance better hope he locked his doors! Hell, I’ll even throw in the car interior work for free! Ain’t nobody at Memories Pizza prepared to do that for you!
You can go to AWD’s GoFundMe and send big bucks to AWD to help further our message of conservatism and rightly retake the cake and pizza markets back from the wacko left!
Or you can buy an Angry White Dude shirt or five to show your libtard friends that you don’t take no sh*t and they better not ask you to bake them a gay cake!! AWD’s shirts are available in muchos colors to fit with anything in your clothing ensem. I recommend a black one so the pizza stains don’t show as easily.
Here’s the link to buy AWD’s t shirts. HELL NO, WE DON’T SELL TO GAYS OR LIBTARDS!
It’s time conservatives in America stop wasting their time and money on Memories Pizza and start wasting them on Angry White Dude!
Is you is or is you ain’t a conservative? Well OK then!