Salaam a lama ding dong to all you infidels! To show you how big and huge the Imam is, the Imam wishes you infidels a nearly happy early Easter on your infidel day of infidel worship! I will decapitate your infidel Easter Bunnies and replace them with Sharia Snakes!
Being a merciful Imam, the Imam has a deal for all you infidel Christians. If you explode yourself and kill yourselves and other infidels or evil Joos, the Imam has arranged for you to be awarded virgins in Heaven. Since you are infidels you do not qualify for 72 pearly-skinned white sexy virgins as do our proud Muslim self-exploders. But, for a limited time only, if you blow yourself up, the Imam will get you 3 somewhat ugly, almost virgins. But they’re chicks! OK, OK, the Imam will throw in a DVD of Basic Instinct! That Sharon Stone was one fine infidel in her day (may the Imam be upon her)!
As you know the Angry White Infidel asked the Imam to answer questions about Islam so his infidel readers can learn more about the lifestyle they will live very soon when Sharia law rules the world! So shama-lama-ding-DONG on that! So here’s some of the Imam’s latest mail from Muslims around the flat Earth:
Question: Can women be leaders?
Answer: Haha! Good one! Islam doesn’t even let women drive…or keep her tingly female parts for that matter! Why in the name of parallel parking would Islam let women be leaders? Haven’t we learned enough watching Nancy Pelosi?
But to show Islam is a religion in touch with the times, we are including women in more and more Islamic rituals. Recently we appointed a woman to the Committee to Select Rocks for our weekly wife stonings.
Question: I want to go for jihad, but work prohibits me to do so. What could I do to go for Jihad as soon as possible? I hold a high-level position in the Democrat party.
Answer: Brother (may hope and change be upon you), you are already doing enough to bring down the Great Satan!
Question: Are we supposed to get worldly education and become scientists, doctors, engineers, etc.?
Answer: While seeking of worldly knowledge is permissible and even commendable in certain circumstances, it is not the purpose of man’s creation. The purpose of all Muslims is to blow themselves up and kill as many infidels as possible. So says Allal and Allah knows best!
Question: I am Muslim and, of course, hate all infidels. But I follow the Sunni tenets of Islam. Should I also hate the Shia and try to explode them, too?
Answer: The Imam likes the way you think! You are right on track by hating infidel religions but you get extra Allah points for hating the Shia too. Maybe we throw in an extra virgin or two, eh? The Shiits are fags and the Imam would give them all a slap! Like we say down at the mosque, if you’re not Sunni, you’re Shiite! Shama lama!!
Question: I want to know why prophet Muhammad (peace n blessing of allah and kindergarteners be upon him) married Aisha (may peace and Barbie Dolls be upon her) when she was just 8 years old?
Answer: That the prophet married Aisha at 8 years of age is a vicious lie propagated by infidels!! The prophet Muhammad married Aisha when she was 9 years old! Why 9 and not 8? Because the prophet Muhammad didn’t like young women.
Question: O wise Imam, I have a scientific question and have been pondering the answer. If I am driving in a car or a fast camel that is traveling 65 mph into a headwind that is 23 mph at an altitude of 232 feet above sea level and an infidel is traveling behind me at the exact same velocity. If I throw 2 pound stone out of my window and it hits the infidel in the head, will it kill him?
Answer: Yes, thanks be to Allah. It was Allah that invented tossing trash and pebbles from moving vehicles to kill infidels! Pointy stones work best for this task. And the Imam knows science better than Bill Nye the Science Infidel!
So Happy Easter you infidels (may Sharia law be upon you)! Remember the special offer for blowing yourself up ends on Memorial (to all infidels) Day. Call now and the Imam will throw in a Ginsu Decapitation knife set. It slices, dices and circumcises! And it will make you the envy of your mosque! Our operators are standing…..bye!
And while you are dialing our operators, you can enjoy the sweet Islamic sounds of The Dance of the 1000 Imams. The imam who sings this song hates him some infidels. Sikhs too!