Bob Dylan won a Nobel Prize today for Literature. Why am I not surprised. Hell, Hussein won one too so it can’t be that hard. Since AWD is about to head out with the Filly to waste a pile of my disposable cash American (payday, baybah!), I dug up this old chart-topper from about three years ago about Dylan and his crappiness. He was awarded the Nobel Prize by none other than Jimmy Carter who refuses to die. He’s got to be pushing 200. What is it with old libtards? I’m afraid they’ll have to shoot Carter and Dylan on Judgement Day to get rid of them!
Note: AWD no longer has Sirius in his F-150 because verily I say unto you, it sucketh. Spotify, man.
AWD has Sirius radio in his supa-sexy, supa-badass F150 for a while and I’m usually listening to Channel 60, the honky tonk station if I’m listening. I don’t know why I pay for Sirius when Dallas has 95.3 The Range blasting Texas country 24/7 for free. But, what the hell. The only thing better than honky tonk is more honky tonk.
I will say that Channel 60 on Sirius generally plays good stuff. A lot of Merle. Say no more. But I would gladly rip the intestines out of their stupid, stereotypical, fake redneck Southern DJs. First there’s Elizabeth Cook. If there’s a more put-on, Southern accent more than hers, I have not heard it. It’s so damn twangy and fake I just turn the volume down whenever she’s yapping about something meaningless in her uber-annoying, fake Southern twang. AWD is a Southerner (thank God!) and grew up in the South and has yet to hear a Southern accent like Elizabeth Cook’s. She’s probably from Ohio.
Then there’s the “booger-eating moron” Mojo Nixon who comes on in the afternoon. Nixon is so annoying he would make Jesus cuss. And I’m not talking about the Jesus that cuts your grass. His schtick is the out-of-control, retarded honky tonk music lover too stupid to live in a trailer park. That I believe even though he’s probably from Ohio too.
I can envision a bunch of half-a-sissy, yankee Sirius executives who think they must put morons like Cook and Nixon on Channel 60 because that’s how Southerners talk. They’ve been watching Duck Dynasty and the Hog Hunting fake-tards and believe that’s what the South is like. I actually called Sirius once to complain that I won’t renew my subscription if Sirius doesn’t fire those bad stereotype tools they have as DJ’s on Channel 60. The guy that took my call was from India. He told me to reformat my computer.
For a honky tonk station, Channel 60 on Sirius plays a whole hell of a lot of Bob Dylan. That sh*t ain’t right! When AWD thinks honky tonk, Bob Dylan doesn’t come to mind. Merle, Willie, Dale Watson, Gary P Nunn, Billy Joe Shaver, Waylon, David Allen Coe and others come to mind. But Bob Dylan? Not even close!
Not only is Dylan not honky tonk but I’ve come to the conclusion that Dylan’s music pretty much sucks el grande uno! Yeah, yeah, I know he was important to hippies back in the 60’s but hippies aren’t exactly welcome around true honky tonk music locales! At least not here in Texas.
Any decent song Dylan has ever written was covered way better by someone else! All Along The Watchtower was rocked by Jimi Hendrix. Dylan’s version bit the big one. Dylan’s version of Absolutely Sweet Marie is worse than bad but Jason and the Nashville Scorchers tore it up.
Now, AWD has forgotten more about good music than most of y’all goat ropers will ever know. Everyone knows that. But it’s time to stop pretending that Bob Dylan is anything more than major suckage. And he sure as hell ain’t honky tonk!
So there! AWD has said it. Bob Dylan just sucks as a performer. Yeah, he has written a few good songs over the past 100 years but he doesn’t have the talent to make them listenable. I will be happy to fight any tortured hippies who disagree!
So you’re free to vent your spleen about what’s troubling your right-wing extremist souls tonight. But don’t defend Bob Dylan or you’re going to get your ass whooped.
Here’s an example of Absolutely Sweet Marie from Dylan and then from Jason and his Nashville Scorchers for Music That Sucks and Music That Doesn’t Suck.
Here’s the sucky Dylan verion:
What the hell was that?? Now here’s Jason and the boys tearing it up:
No damn comparison! Now that’s some goodern’ hell stuff! Six white horses!
Shee-ut! That put the Big Sexy in the mood for some more Jason and the Scorchers! Here’s a live performance of Broken Whiskey Glass in front of a bunch of Englishters. Wait until the rock kicks in, you’ll thank me. For anyone who never saw Jason and the boys (AWD did once!), they simply tore it up!
Jason, get your ass down to Dallas!