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AWD’S MISH MASH OF TRASH – OPEN POST

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QUIT RUINING MY LIFE, VAN MORRISON!

QUIT RUINING MY LIFE, VAN MORRISON!

AWD has been thinking about everything but then again I’ve been thinking about nothing (h/t Suicidal Tendencies). So I thought I’d try some new tricks around here and write just what came to mind about whatever comes to mind. Whatever the hell that means.

My mind is fried because I rode my new Harley sled today around town in the 100 degree Texas heat. I have such a great tan now that Dallas Police pulled me over and beat the bejeezus out of me even though I dindu nuffin wrong!

So I’m not promising anything worthy of reading but when have I ever? Here goes:

How many damn times do I have to hear Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl and/or Moondance?? I can’t stand Van Morrison! And I hate the hell out of the song Brown Eyed Girl! There’s a small local juke joint that AWD sometimes graces where they have guitar playing vocalists Thursday through Sunday. There’s this one cat who has all the recorded band sh*t playing behind him while he strums gay little chords on his Telecaster. I swear, I’ve seen that cat at least three times and he just keeps playing the same sh*t over and over. Of course, he just has to play Brown Eyed Girl every time he straps on that Telecaster. And, to be cute, he changes the words “brown eyed girl” with “cross eyed squirrel” every damn chorus. Every damn time he sings the song. At first I felt sorry for him for using such a sorry-ass joke. Now I want to stab him in the heart with a fork.

The other night before he started, I asked him if he knew anything off the beaten path because I knew he was going to break out that @#&* cross eyed squirrel BS on me again. He said, like what? I said, do you know any Ryan Adams? Now, I would have been hugely surprised if this cat knew anything other than Van Morrison or some lame ass Jimmy Buffett three chord crap. He said, “I sure do. I can play “Summer of ’69.” I felt my grip tightening on the fork. I said, “that’s Bryan Adams (you moron!), not Ryan Adams.” I didn’t say that Bryan Adams suckos el grande uno and can kiss my big ol’ summer of ’61 ass! So I was force fed another @#&* Cross Eyed Squirrel and @#&* Margaritaville. Again. So I’m blaming all this on Van Morrison for his stupid, overplayed Brown Eyed Girl song. I hate Van Morrison. I hope he reads this.

Next up, AWD today visited the new Rock and Brews Restaurant that is co-owned by KISS members Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. Now, AWD expected the usual rock-themed schlocky tacky menu items with stupid names around rock songs and artists. I wasn’t disappointed with salads named Paint it Blackened Salmon Caesar Salad and Strawberry Fields Salad. I bet Gene sat up all night thinking those up!

AWD saddled up to the bar so I could see the various tv’s playing music videos. The place is rock themed with giant murals of rock stars, including KISS. The bartender asked what I wanted to drink and I said “ice water for now.” It was hot and I had been on my scooter. Well, that was the last I saw of her. Or any other bartender. A bald guy, who I guess was the manager, decided to have a staff meeting right smack in the middle of the lunch rush. All the servers and bartenders stood huddled at the side of the restaurant for what was at least ten minutes. I asked the guy sitting beside me if it was his first time at Rock and Brews. He said it was but probably his last because the service sucked.

One thing that puts AWD in jail is poor service. I HATE when bartenders won’t look at people seated at the bar. What could it be they want?? I don’t know. Maybe SERVICE???? So AWD waited another minute and headed for the door. I told the hostess “I know this isn’t your fault but this was my second time here. First and last. Please tell the manager it might not be the wisest policy to have a staff meeting during lunch.” I had a feeling before I got there that Rock and Brews would suck. I was not disappointed.

Following up on last night’s post, I still am amazed how many of my conservative friends keep asking me when Trump will learn to keep his mouth shut? I ask them “why?” Are they afraid of offending this Khan phony and Muslims? Or liberals? How easily people follow the lead of the Propaganda Media. I know Fox News does. I like that Trump says what he thinks. He won the primary by huge numbers because he isn’t just the latest Republican Establishment puppet loser! He’s filling auditoriums while Hillary is talking about taxing the hell out of the Middle Class to school children forced to sit through her lies and socialist BS.

Obama paid a $400 million ransom to his best buddies forever over in Iran for the release of four Americans imprisoned there. Here’s a thought or two on the matter. Why am I not surprised Imam Obama paid $400 mil? I actually am surprised he didn’t pay more. Like America’s entire GDP. And I don’t really get too worked up about Americans imprisoned while visiting Iran. Don’t want to end up a prisoner in Tehran? DON’T GO TO IRAN!

You saw where where a hot air balloon crashed in Texas killing 16 this week? AWD promises you I will never die in a hot air balloon accident. Because my big, sexy ass will NEVER get in one of those death baskets. It’s the same thing with AWD ending up in a prison in Iran. Ain’t gonna happen. The closest I’ll come to Iran is Dearborn, Michigan. And Dallas is as close as I’ll ever get to that hellhole.

I know we all feel better because Congress has announced they will hold hearings on Obama paying $400 million in ransom to Iran. Trey Gowdy is already working on his speech. Nothing, of course, will happen but Congressmen love a TV camera like Shepard Smith likes looking at a big ol’ angry unit up close. It’s political professional ‘rasslin.’ Nothing more, nothing less. Our federal government is a joke.

John Kerry. I’ll try to say something good about him. He’s an idiot. That’s the best thing I can think of.

I hesitate to announce this because I know I’ll suffer lots of abuse but AWD adopted a kitty cat. Somebody abandoned her near new AWD’s casa and she had been roaming around a little. It was only a short time before she became a snack for a coyote or bobcat. So AWD adopted the little critter and she loves my guts! I guess I’m better than being eaten by a coyote.

I’ve had the kitten about two weeks now and still haven’t come up with a name for her. Before you goat ropers jump all over it, Mr Mittens is out being it’s a she cat. I think. I’ve been thinking about Shaniqua but my filly doesn’t think it fits and besides, the kitty hasn’t done nuffin wrong. Yet. I’ll welcome your suggestions. I think. And yes, my lavender-scented bubble baths in my new tub are just marvelous!

I went to Sturgis last year and am going again next year. Do any of y’all ride? Maybe we could do a Sturgis Dude-a-Palooza up there.

That’s all I can think of for now. Y’all can add your thoughts to this mish mash of weak crap from AWD’s mind. Hey, what do you want for nothing? Right?

For some Music That Doesn’t Suck, here’s Ryan (not Bryan, dammit!) Adams singing Natural Ghost. AWD does a pretty mean version of this on my bad ass Taylor lefty acoustic. Wanna fight about it?

awd

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