AWD, Random Posts

BABY, KEEP YOUR GREASY LITTLE FINGERS OFF MY SCREEN!

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SH*T AIN’T RIGHT!

This is a public post but it pointed directly at my little filly. Baby, you know I loves ya! I loves ya more than Oprah loves a Twinkie. I worship you like a French cathedral. Especially your supa-fine bootay. So please take this post in the spirit of love in which it is intended.

KEEP YOUR @#&* @#*& @#&^ING GREASY LITTLE NASTY FINGERS OFF MY @#*& COMPUTER SCREEN!
I don’t know what it is with this woman but she has some unexplainable need deep in her DNA to poke her little greasy fingers all over my computer screen.

Can’t she just point and stop before her little nasty digits smear whatever the hell it is on them all over my MacBook Pro Retina screen? And what the hell is all that goo all over her damn fingers! The FBI will be tracking her fingerprints 100 years in the future!

This MacBook screen is so precise, Apple had to invent the names of all the billions of colors blasting out of it! That is, until the fog of finger sh*t is smeared all over the @#&* thing by my little filly! Then it might as well be some ancient dot matrix piece of excrement from the Neanderthal days of computing. And it’s all her fault! IT’S ALL HER FAULT!

Now baby, don’t get me wrong. Is this a deal breaker between you and the Big Sexy? Hell yes it is! More than that! The next time I have to scrape your finger ooze off my GD computer screen, well, there’ll be more hell than a little bit! And AWD might have a firearm or four, as you know. And hell, that’s only on my bedside tables!

Here’s the deal. Instead of unholstering your little pointy fingers to point something out to me while we’re surfing the inter web net, just nod in that general direction. Or just sit on your hands. Or I can break out the handcuffs a little early, if needed. I mean, they’re coming out anyway, right?

Baby, there are several places I can suggest you put your fingers. All of them would bring great pleasure to your Big Sexy man. MY MACBOOK SCREEN IS NOT ONE OF THEM! Right now, my screen is so damn dirty, I thought I was typing in Chinese. So no touchee my raptop scleen!

This sh*t has gone far enough and I want it to stop before it becomes a deal breaker for us! Not for nothing, but there are lots of fillies out there who can keep their little nasty fingers from smudging my computer screen. Some even wear gloves. Just saying. (If any Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders have the talent of keeping their fingers off my screen..and putting them in tingly places…call me)

So to summarize, my love:

1. KEEP YOUR @#&* @#*& @#&^ING GREASY LITTLE NASTY FINGERS OFF MY @#*& COMPUTER SCREEN!
2. KEEP YOUR @#&* @#*& @#&^ING GREASY LITTLE NASTY FINGERS OFF MY @#*& COMPUTER SCREEN!
3. BAKE ME A PIE!
4. WASH MY HARLEY!
and finally
5.KEEP YOUR @#&* @#*& @#&^ING GREASY LITTLE NASTY FINGERS OFF MY @#*& COMPUTER SCREEN!
If you can manage to abide by this list, we should have no problem spending our days in endless bliss basking in the radiant light of love. (That sounds like some womany sh*t she’d post on her @#&* Facebook page)

Oh, one last thing, quit posting all that womany sh*t on your Facebook page!

awd

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6 Comments

  1. Quartierleblanc

    My suggestion is that you actually tell her to use your computer at any time and that she can put her fingers on your screen whenever. In fact insist that she use it. That ensures she will never touch it.

  2. Joe Stalin

    I’ve noticed this especially on the cell phones of women. Get yourself a small squeeze bottle that you would normally toss like eye drops or whatever after you finish. Fill it with Windex or other glass cleaner (windshield washer fluid would be absolute cheapest) and apply a few drops to the surface and wipe with tissue paper. Also works great with computer mice where the finger crud builds over a short period of time. No need to constantly touch a nasty surface.

  3. Joe Stalin

    Get yourself a small squeeze bottle like for eye drops or whatever and fill it with Windex or windshield washer fluid (dirt cheap on sale). A few drops and tissue wipe leaves it non-nasty. Also works GREAT on computer mice which rapidly accumulate skin crud in a few hours of use.

  4. thatshitaintright

    AWD, there is always a silver lining … just think, those nasty dirty little fingerprints represent all the quality time you and your little filly spend together. Each imprint symbolizing a new chapter in a beautiful story you are writing together … priceless 🙂

  5. Hmmm… When I say that stuff to my kids, it is considered abuse to them, somehow, and not to me… 😉

  6. LOL…OH THE THINGS WE ENDURE IN THE NAME OF LOVE…MY PET PEEVE WITH MY BETTER HALF IS HER BELIEVING THAT THE SIDE POCKET ON THE PASSENGER DOOR PANEL IS A TRASH CAN AND HER INABILITY TO GRASP THAT MY TRUCK IS NOT A DINING ROOM MEANT FOR EATING IN DURING ROAD TRIPS LOL…

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