Brownshirts, Red's Corner, Troll of the Week, War on America, War on Christianity, War on Whites

Backwater Insecurity Syndrome

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In light of the recent re-banhammering of douchetard extraordinaire Jeff Zito (aka “Chester Bogus” aka “Knowledgeable” aka “ManWithAJob” aka “Unknowledgeable man-child sans productive employment”), here’s a repost of an oldie but goodie.

Hipster Douchebag
Says it all.

Let’s say you’re from a nameless town in some flyover state (or, God help you, from some province in America Jr. [they’re all flyover, so the qualifier would be redundant]) in the middle of East Bumblefark. But you feel like you wanna do more; gotsta be more. I mean, you’re this big, super-smart, über-talented fish in a tiny little backwater of a pond, amirite? What’s a hip bro like you to do?

Well, fear not, little fella! All you’ve got to do to assuage that nagging feeling of insecurity is to swear your allegiance to the Liberal Establishment!

And what better way to prove you’re not some bitter clinger (read: ignorant, hate-filled, neo-Nazi, racist, xenophobic, natavist, homophobic, Islamophobic, bible-thumping, tinfoil-hat-wearing, fat, ugly, stupid, inbred hick) than to express your individuality and brilliant, morally- and intellectually-superior mind via your very own sense of style!

So to start, here’s a helpful guide to empower you to be a free-thinking, self-expressing winner via a style that’s all your own!

How to be a Hipster
Hipster Self-Expression Guide

Also, be sure to have an ironic detachment from everything. It’s so much easier to pretend not to give a sh*t about anything than it is to actually take ownership of and responsibility for your beliefs! I mean, courage is so passé, innit? Yes, better to just to make sure everyone knows you are too cool to give a f***.

Cool—just like a good adolescent should be!

Next, get yourself a Mac! No self-respecting hipster would dare work on (read: know how to operate) a PC with its all-confusing Linux or, God forbid, evil-mongering Microsoft Windows!

Say Hello to Your New Macbook
Hello, Macbook!

And lastly, endlessly berate conservatives, whites, and Christians! What kind of brownshirt do you think you’d make if you’re not going to sacrifice your life to perpetually (in between jam sessions, of course) harassing and humiliating the enemies of Utopia? (I mean, if it weren’t for them, everything would be perfect by now!)

So there you go, script-kiddies. Don’t say I never did nuthin fer ya. Now go on 4chan and tell all your anonymous friends how cool you are! And how big of losers all your friends and family are who still stick to their oh-so-pathetic little small-town ways!

Sincerely,
RedStaterNYC
Syndicated Advice Columnist

 

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19 Comments

  1. SPURWING PLOVER

    Liberals are total idiots their pea-sized brains are never ever used becuase using their brains gives them headaches from too much strain

  2. LMAO…priceless!

  3. Thumbs up!!!!!!!

    See you around the campfire in approximately thirty eight days.

  4. Dave in Texas

    Great post!!!!!! LMFAO!!!

  5. I’m rapidly becoming an old fart, what the hell is an ironic beard?

    • I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that when one grows an Ironic beard, it is ‘Ironic’ that a liberals Face now looks like his hairy Ass.

      Just guessing, nome sayin?

  6. LMAO.. okay that was good.

    I just showed this to my 18 year old college student for a daughter and she so got a laugh out of it… she says her and her friends make fun of those hipster mac users too but not very many of them here in Oklahoma… I think we are “flyover” territory

  7. RedStaterMASS

    Red,
    I loved this article the first time it was posted and I enjoyed it just as much the second time.
    I reside in one of the college slums in what some would call the academic capital of the US aka Boston and I can assure you that hipster caricature pictured above is the perfect description of almost every male college student I see in this city.

  8. I grew up right outside of Boston as well and recently had to move back North for economic reasons. Just as bad, or possibly worse, as thr the hipsters are the Eurotrash college students/graduates. They import European style socialist thinking with ’em to the area. They cant figure out why their own countries are f*cking up so badly now so they blame conservatives even though it was consevative people who built great things and the libtards let the animals from 3rd world countries in en masse to destroy social, economic, and physical foundations that make a nation great.

  9. rightwingterrorist

    What’s hip about a PBR tallboy? They’re quite delicious. Along Schlitz, Stroh’s, Red White and Blue, Old Swill (Milwaukee), and Black Label.

    • Nostradumbass

      From the land of sky blue waters (waters),
      From the land of pines, lofty balsams,
      Comes the beer refreshing,
      Hamm’s, the beer refreshing.

  10. Thats funny…this asshat looks like something I accidentally stepped in a couple days ago while mowing the lawn.

  11. Addendum to step 3:

    “I do gluten-free only.”

  12. Nostradumbass

    Step #4. write “I REJECT WHITE PRIVILEDGE” across your forehead with a sharpie. Make sure you write in reverse of what you see in the mirror or you’ll just look stupid.

  13. I live near a large university in central Florida and this cartoon is exactly like the college turds I see that live around here. They can quote you Einsteins theory of relativity but when it comes to daily life and common sense they cant find their ass with both hands. They are typically bleeding heart liberal pukes who worship Obongo.

  14. Snake Oiler

    The piece de resistance is the crusty old Vans.

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