Bernie Sanders, in stark contrast to his oft-stated socialist views, recently purchased his third home. Sanders recently bought a $600,000 lake house in North Hero, Vermont. Flush with Clinton Foundation and DNC money, Bernie has greater plans.
Sanders Incorporated Vice President of Real Estate Acquisitions Anne Butkowski told AWD News Service:
“Since the DNC Convention ended, Bernie has been going around like a crazy man buying up everything in sight. Just last week, he bought three Lamborghini sports cars…and he doesn’t even know how to drive!
He even went to Walmart and purchased 200,000 rolls of toilet paper and then bought a climate-controlled warehouse to store it in with a state of the art security system! It’s amazing! Today, while his driver was filling up his limousine with gas, Bernie went into the convenience store and bought every single package of Twizzlers, M&M’s, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, and packages of Bubbalicious bubble gum in the store. He told the other customers waiting behind him “I’m Bernie Sanders and I am going to redistribute all this candy and gum into my belly just so you can’t! Bwahahahaha!”
I’ve never seen anyone buying so much stuff!”
It’s reported Sanders and his team met an unmarked plane carrying pallets of money when it secretly landed in Montpelier a day after the DNC Convention. It’s also reported that Sanders has more plans in store with his newfound wealth.
A source within the Sanders Incorporated organization said that Bernie has secret plans to buy all of Vermont and change the name to Bernmont. Sanders has created several shadow companies to secretly acquire every square foot of The Green Mountain State.
The source went on to say that Sanders has completely converted to capitalism after he saw the starving and mayhem taking place in the socialist Venezuela. Another important step in Sanders’ conversion was his ability to parlay his campaign for the Democrat nomination into billions by selling out to the Clinton Foundation and DNC. The source said:
“It wasn’t a difficult decision for Bernie. It was either take the billions from Bill and Hillary or get a 9mm headache in a few days.”
Bernie reportedly told his staffers:
“I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich. Rich is much better! Now I’m so @#%^in’ rich I can own anything and everything I want! Even the air you breathe! Oops, no, retract that. Al Gore owns that but I’m going to buy him out on his very profitable Global Warming scam. And soon, I, Bernie Sanders, will own the State of Bernmont. And nobody, no-freakin’-body owns a state!
But don’t make the mistake of calling me, Bernie Sanders, a 1%’er. That would be untrue and a vicious lie spread by right-wing extremists! I’m a billionth of a percentage’er, dammit! I’m so freakin’ rich that Bill Gates picks up my dry cleaning! Warren Buffet washes my cars! I’m rich!! Rich, I tell ya!
The greatest part is if I ever run through all these mountains of cash, I can just crank up another presidential campaign and sell out next time for even more money! I do love me some public service!”
To emphasize his wealth, Sanders then blew his nose with a stack of Euros.
When asked by a staffer if the optics wouldn’t be better if Bernie contributed some of his windfall wealth to help the failing ObamaCare he supported and helping house and feed the poor, Sanders said, “Screw that sh*t! I’m going to Nordstroms. Gonna buy that sumbitch too!”
Even though his presidential campaign has officially ended, Sanders Incorporated still encourages his unwashed socialist supporters to continue contributing their welfare money and food stamps so Bernie can continue to fight against greed in Washington. Heh heh heh.
For a $100 donation, Bernie will continue to return to his supporters a signed US Constitution in which he has personally used to blow his nose. A $1000 donation will net a burned US flag from the personal fire pit of Sanders. From one of his homes. Can’t say which one. Bernie hasn’t located them all.
Not all are happy about Bernie’s unabashed illustration of wealth and love of capitalism. Former ‘Students For Bernie’ President Lance ‘Moon Fungus’ Herschberger wrote:
“I am still a Bernie fan and will continue to fight for the issues important to Bernie. Except all that wealth accumulation and buying up houses and the buying of Vermont thing. But Bernie is our champion! Except for all that capitalism stuff he now talks about.”
It was reported that after Moon Fungus Hershberger wrote this, his citizenship was purchased by Bernie through State Department contacts and Hershberger was exiled to Siberia after a payoff of $3 billion to Russian President Vladimir Putin.
As for now, the Vermont real estate market is feelin’ the Bern as Sanders is spending money like a Democrat.