The Big Sexy realizes that most dudes and dudettes at Angry White Dude also venture over to I Own The World on occasion to see what’s going on in the sick mind of IOTW’s chief yankee, Big Fur Hat. And, by now, you fully realize that boy ain’t right.
First off, he’s a yankee. Not his fault but a major fault nonetheless. AWD fully realizes not everyone can be Texans. Some males like to moisturize and own cats. Some like to wear metrosexual sandals with socks while Texans wear what is known as manly footwear (h/t Merle) called boots. If you don’t recognize the name Merle, you probably are wearing metrosexual sandals. Probably with socks, too. The preferred footwear of yankees…and Big Fur Hat.
Second, being a yankee, Big Fur Hat is severely lacking in what we Southerners (may peace and sexiness be upon us) call “home-training.” In other words, it’s quite possible (if not damn likely) Big Fur Hat is what we in the South call a “sexule prevert.”
Last weekend, Big Fur Hat called AWD to ask advice on how to reel in the feminine biscuit. That was a good sign as, being a yankee, he might just be a little on the homo-sexule side. It’s common in them there parts. Apparently, Big Fur is going through a years-long dry spot with the fillies. The Big Sexy is always happy to help out a brother (even a @#&* yankee brother) in search of techniques of acquiring a little boo-tay from curvy babes. Noblesse oblige. I think that is French and it means…well, hell, I’m not exactly sure what it means. It just looks kinda cool. And what am I doing writing French? I’m feeling a sudden urge to moisturize!
Anyway, Fur suggested we poke a little fun at our window-licking Vice President, Joe Biden in a joint effort of brilliance. Using my supa-sexy wit, AWD suggested we criticize Biden for not only being a mo-ron but for also not creating jobs. My suggestion was “Three words….No Jobs.” Fur was to do the light-lifting and put the graphics together. Here’s what that furry hatted sumbitch came up with:
Leave it to a yankee prevert to come up with something vile and sexule in nature!
This all points to one thing. Lack of feminine boo-tay in Big Fur’s life has turned him into an vile, industrial-strength prevert. Almost as bad as a liberal. His mind has obviously been turned to mush. It’s a sad, sad thing to witness, my friends. Being a yankee, that is.
So AWD, being the benevolent supa-sexy cat he is, is very concerned for Big Fur Hat. Thank Allah Big Fur lives in the liberal hell-hole state of Nueva Jork and can’t own firearms! He needs some time off to recover from his mental illness and preverted ways. So AWD calls on all readers of AWD and IOTW to immediately stop visiting I Own The World and let Big Fur Hat have a few years off to recover. You can visit AWD instead several times each hour for your right-wing extremist news and views. Please, please, stop visiting I Own The World immediately! Do it for Big Fur’s sake. He’s a sick man and needs help. Other than being a yankee, too. I’m not even going to comment on that sicko Mr Pinko!
Two words. Big Fur Hat has hit rock bottom and needs help. I think that’s more than two words but you know what I mean. America doesn’t need any more sexule preverts running around. We have enough Democrats for that!
AWD invites Big Fur Hat to put down the lotion, stop his “manscaping,” throw away his gay “outfits,” and move his ass to Texas and hunt some hogs with AWD. We’ll get his mind right. First off, we’ll get him some boots. Noblesse oblige, I think.