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BOY SCOUTS AND GIRL SCOUTS SHOULD JUST CHANGE SIDES!

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It’s so confusing being a man/woman/trangender/bisexual/trisexual/quadrophenia these days! Everybody wants to be something they ain’t! Except for me, of course. But the rules keep changing to suit the demands of the freakazoids. And the America where AWD grew up is getting smaller in the rear view mirror of our gay little Smart Cars.

Last week, the Girl Scouts said they would allow boys who think they are girls to join. Their membership ranks should swell as every single male (born with a man-thing hangdown) living in San Francisco and Nueva Jork (Redstater aside, I think) will be donning them now their gay little Girl Scout uniforms and signing up for a course in Moisturizing!

Now if AWD can only get the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to allow males who think they’re curvy babes to join their sexy ranks, AWD will soon be very in touch with his feminine side. And also very in touch with the feminine sides of the Cowboy Cheerleaders in the showers, too!

Now over to the Organization Formerly Known As The Boy Scouts. Boy Scout President and former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said:

“We cannot ignore the social, political and judicial changes taking place in our country.

I must speak as plainly and bluntly to you as I spoke to presidents when I was director of the CIA and secretary of Defense. We must deal with the world as it is, not as we might wish it to be. The status quo in our movement’s membership standards cannot be sustained.”

I believe it was under Gates’ tenure that the ban on gays in the military was lifted. That ban was supported by the vast majority of soldiers. Now he’s moving on to the Boy Scouts, a private organization. Seems like Gates has him a thang for gays wherever he goes. And yes, we CAN ignore the social, political and judicial changes in private organizations and not simply roll over to appease a very tiny, vocal sliver of the population! No matter how fabulous their uniforms!

The comm-a-nist radio program NPR had a gay scoutmaster named Brian Peffly on last week with Robert Siegel. Here’s a snippet:

SIEGEL: Boy Scouts of America president Robert Gates, the former secretary of defense, said the Scouts should change or the movement’s membership standards cannot be maintained. Your reaction to that statement?

PEFFLY: I absolutely agree with that statement. There’s no way that scouting will continue to exist for another century if they continue with discrimination because the country, as a whole, is moving past that.

I’m sure the 97+% of straight parents are willing to take the chance on if the Scouts will survive another 100 years without homosexuals in their scoutmaster ranks.

Both of AWD’s sons are Eagle Scouts and I guaran-damn-tee you they would not have been involved in any Scouting event where they were camping or isolated with gay Scoutmasters or leaders. Nor would my daughter who was a Girl Scout have been allowed on an overnight with male leaders. Hateful? Homophobic? Sexist? F*** you! They’re my kids and it ain’t gonna happen.

The Scouts are treading on thin ice here because the Catholic and Mormon Churches make up the vast majority of Boy Scout troops. Both could form their own brand of scouting tomorrow and the now-gay loving Boy Scouts would go wiener up overnight. And don’t think that’s not a likely scenario!

My question is why jeopardize the existence of the entire Boy Scouts of America to appease a few homosexuals who just want to stir up trouble? If they’re not bugging (or buggering) the Scouts, they’d be suing Christian bakers. If they are so serious about scouting and there is such a tremendous market of ‘sensitive guy’ scouts and leaders, let them form the Gay Boy Scouts of America. I’m sure it would just be marvelous! For both of them.

One last thing on AWD’s rant about the Boy Scouts and their tremendously awful leadership under Robert Gates. The Scouts banned water gun fights and water balloons last week. What? What boy doesn’t love to give his friend a full mag of H2O at knife-fighting range! It’s what boys do! Maybe the Scouts under Gates’ direction have a new Tampon Jewelry Merit Badge. Even the Boy Scouts have succumbed to the wussification of America!

AWD admits I wasn’t a good Boy Scout. I never even got a merit badge. They didn’t have one in Explosives or AWD would have been the Grand Poobah! On campouts, my fellow Scouts and I would visit a neighboring group only after they had a huge campfire burning. One of us would get the attention of our rival troop by saying something like, “Hey look! A rabbit climbing a tree!” When they all turned to look, we’d slip into their fire a few cans of soup. Tomato soup was the best. Trust me. We’d then make a hasty exit saying we were tired and had to get ready for the next day. A few minutes later, we’d hear a tremendous boom and their fire would be blown all over the woods. And the laps of our rival troop! AWD invented that technique.

We’d also take a birthday candle and lay it flat beside the ear of our sleeping Scout Master in his tent. Then we’d take a brick of firecrackers and put the fuse about 3/4 toward the end of the lit birthday candle. That would give us about 10 minutes before WWIII began. We’d be all in our sleeping bags when our Scout Master would come screaming out of his tent after being awakened by 1,000 firecrackers in his ear. We’d act all sleepy saying “What the! What happened??” It was a brilliant technique. Again, AWD’s idea.

The last cool thing we’d do was Zoot Zoots. Wasn’t my idea but still incredible! Take an empty plastic water or milk gallon and put it on the end of a big stick. Melt it onto the stick by rolling the stick in the fire and get the plastic to catch fire. The plastic will drop off of the stick and make the sound “zoot…zoot…zoot” as it falls to the ground. It was a great idea until one day we looked back and had set the woods on fire. Because burning plastic doesn’t go out when it hits dried leaves and pine needles. We overlooked that possibility but damn those were some fun days!

AWD ought to be a Scout Leader and not those poofter homosexual types! Hell, AWD should replace Robert Gates! Let him run the Male Hairdresser Association! I would teach those Scouts how to have some fun!

But those were the days when boys could be boys and not be forced to be girls. We could do pranks on rival troops without getting sued. Or forced to get sex changes. Try surrounding your rival troop and firing for effect a full compliment Roman Candle mortars into their camp these days! Your kid will end up in a FEMA reeducation camp. Or the Girl Scouts!

Our kids don’t have a chance!

Here’s what happens to Scouts growing up in the Boy Scouts of Robert Gates! But he’ll make a fabulous leader!

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