Or perhaps a better title is an open letter to Bill O’Reilly. For those of you living under a rock the MSM has reported that Bill has been tagged for 13 million dollars in settlements (That’s right 13 million) over lawsuits for sexual “her ass meant” and “inappropriate” behavior (Whatever that is) by 5 women he worked with at Fox. Two more women have come forward with charges of their own without payment/shakedown. Wow. You don’t see poor guys getting hit this hard from scheming females looking for a little payday. Of course nothing from nothing equals nothing. That probably explains a lot.
The “ladies” listed as getting what the Mexicans call the mordida (translate that into “the bite” are) Laurie Dhue, Juliet Huddy, Rebecca Gomez Diamond, Andrea Macris and Rachel Bernstein. Two others, Andrea Tantaros and Wendy Walsh have made claims, but have yet to receive blackmail disbursements.
I’m not a huge fan of O’Reilly but he has really stepped up in attacking the liberal left. For that he’s owed a debt of gratitude. His defense in these allegations is that he is a high profile target who happens to have a lot of money. I don’t disagree with him one bit. In looking at these so-called “charges” against Bill I don’t see where he did much of anything except for “looking for love in all the wrong places.” It seems that he really got thrown out at first base while in the process of asking for a date. It’s not as if he was assaulting and raping women like Bill Clinton. Yet he gets shaken down for a wad of cash in the process. Go figure that one.
Hey Bill, we at awdude are here to provide you with our wisdom and advice, because lets face it, whatever you’re doing is not working. Lets look at a few rules to chase (and catch) women by. These are common sense and provided to you free of charge.
Lesson #1 is simple, don’t shizer where you eat. Just don’t do it. You seem to break this rule a lot and it has cost you 13 million and counting along with a good chunk of your reputation in the process. Whatever you do, DO NOT hit on a Fox News babe. I know you seem to like the media types but if these kinds of bloodsuckers cock your pistol, then how about trolling the other networks. There seems to be an awful lot of them out there, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC and that doesn’t include the foreign news services. Look, I know might get visuals of Andrea Mitchell, Judy Woodruff and Eleanor Clift naked. You’d need a half dozen double bourbons with some high end Columbian weed to hit on that. Still the other major media outlets do have some significant “talent” out there that might want to make Bill a happy boy.
Lesson#2 is avoid the head cases at all costs. I know what you’re thinking, head cases are easy and they are but they are also unpredictable and can become the ultimate tar babies. Further, when they flame out they want to take as many people with them as possible. At least three of the named women who have sued/robbed you have head case written all over them. I’m not going to name names but women with substance problems, multiple failed marriages and relationships and a history of making numerous allegations of sexual “her ass meant” should give you pause. And Bill, you do know whom I’m talking about. That little tingly thing you feel is not your Viagra single pack hitting home, it’s really your brain telling you NO GO when you encounter a head case. You know I’m right in this.
Lesson#3 is go black. Yep, that’s something you may not have thought of. There are a lot of talented black women out there that are tired of the BS their men have handed them. They really like white men especially those that are accomplished and treat them right. They’re also loyal and as a group are pretty good at keeping their mouths shut. Case in point is Mel B aka Scary Spice. Her worthless husband has been living off her for years and is now a source of major embarrassment and angst. Money says she will be a free woman in a few weeks. Give her a call.
Here’s a big plus. I’d be willing to bet that if you did manage to get to home plate with any of the aforementioned women that the experience would probably be akin to screwing your couch. You won’t get this problem with black women. Think about it.
Lesson #4 is go foreign. This is one I really want you to think about. The Donald did and he looks awfully happy to me. IMHO many American women have been ruined by our new liberal dystopia. In the social circles you run in, society has produced a self centered, social climbing, female money monster. The better looking they are or think they are the worse this phenomena becomes.
Foreign women seem to understand the deal better than Americans. They know what you want but they also know what they want. I’d wager that Melania really taught Donald the art of the deal. Just be prepared to keep your promises.
Lesson #5 is a hard one. You are a great journalist, perhaps one of the best ever, however you are not smooth. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. You really need to develop the smoothness that comes to an inner city rapper or F1 race car driver intuitively. Smoothness is also a somewhat nebulous term, however I think you’d describe it best as a sense of style that suits the person.
With that I can only provide an anecdotal story. I once worked with an older guy whom I’ll call Ed. He was divorced and had a bit of money. Ed wasn’t much to look at and he certainly wasn’t physically impressive, yet he was incredibly successful with women. He was always was with young, very pretty females often less than half his age. These ladies wanted to do stuff like die for him and have his babies. It was really extraordinary. He was also realistic enough to know that money was part of his achievements, but it wasn’t the only thing. While on a hunting trip I asked him the secret to his success.
He said, “There are only two things. First and foremost is that I’m truly a nice guy with some money.”
When I asked him about the second he responded with a bit of a smirk, “ I look for certain things in a women.”
When I inquired about the specifics, he replied smoothly “Broken dreams and daddy issues.”
Food for thought Bill.
Caption pic is Wendy Walsh. Left- Laurie Dhue. Middle-Juliet Huddy. Right-Rebecca Gomez Diamond.