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CHELSEA CLINTON: MY MOM – (FIRST DRAFT)

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Dudes and Dudettes, AWD has received a draft of Chelsea Clinton’s latest appeal for contributions to her wonderful mom’s campaign from a hidden source high (why am I not surprised?) in the Clinton Foundation. Here are Chelsea’s remarks after reading the letter written by the Chinese government.

Friend —

Every day as I was growing up, I got to watch firsthand as my mom broke the law worked the system for her own advantage to do as much good for herself as she could for the most people possible namely herself.

Before I reached elementary school I had several 7-figure job offers from Wall Street companies, she had been to every county in Arkansas to steal as much as she could put together a plan that would do nothing  reform the state’s flagging public school system with a boondoggle called Clinton University.

By the time I could vote multiple times by using IDs from dead people, she had helped secure health care for eight million children at tremendous expense to taxpayers with no benefit to children — breaking age-old First Lady conventions in the process of usurping power as an unelected spouse — all in the hope of helping someone, anyone, in need except any of those deplorable people who disagree with her socialist ideology. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying having to say my Mom helped someone.

By the time I became a mom, she had worked to expand government control of everything in America early head start programs to support other new moms across the country who are too irresponsible to use free birth control and must depend on wealth robbed from taxpayers for their existence.

And on she went, doing evil good even when those on the other side responsible people tried to hold her back from destroying the country — even when it would’ve been easier to settle for the status quo and actually work for a living instead of stealing and extorting hundreds of millions from donors, corporations and foreign governments.

That’s the mom I know no it’s not, I didn’t even write this sh*t, and that’s the kind of president I know she’ll be: caring only for herself, trailblazing the first person to finally end the Bill of Rights, and ready to go to battle with any nation so defense contractors will put millions in her pocket for the things she believes in evil deeds. Because she never forgets who she’s fighting for not those four guys in Benghazi — our Clinton families, our children bwahahaha, our future as communists. But before she can be that leader that will put the final nail in America’s coffin for all of us, we need to get her to the White House there’s some stuff she didn’t steal the first time — and the fight is tougher than ever before look for bodies to start piling up.

Tonight’s debate will be a big moment for Trump, and I know it’d mean so much to her to know how many people are in her cell corner when she wobbles and falls steps onto that stage.

Can you chip in now there might be something in it for you, wink wink to show her that you’re fighting for her just as she’s killed fought for herself all of us for so 96 years long?

If you’ve saved your payment information you better believe we have, your donation will go through immediately and several times.

QUICK DONATE: $3 or remember what happened to Vince Foster

QUICK DONATE: $10 for a chance to win some Bill Clinton toenail clippings

QUICK DONATE: $25 or Hillary will give you that evil eye thing she’s got going

QUICK DONATE: $50 We’ll send you a cigar from Bill Clinton’s collection. You don’t want to know

QUICK DONATE: $100 Nice to meet you Mr or Ms Ambassador to Zimbabwe!

Or donate another amount:

https://my.democrats.org/Join-the-Debate-Team

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