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ENGLAND: SAVE A LIFE, SURRENDER YOUR KNIFE! AWD: BWAHAHAHA!

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IDJITS IN ENGLANDISTAN!

IDJITS IN ENGLANDISTAN!

  • You have to hand it to Englishters! Nobody does stupid like they do! Stupid in Englandistan is as common as bad teeth. And just when you think you’ve seen the worst of stupid from our friends across the pond, they break out with another world-class, record-breaking bout of stupidity!
  • Their latest stupid effort is themed “Save a Life, Surrender Your Knife!” Just like the guns the Englishters banned long ago, knives are jumping out of kitchen drawers and committing murder at an astonishing rate! They just need to ban all crime and be done with it!

    The anti-knife effort is headed up by the Lancashire Police Department who is pleased to report that over 800 knives have been turned in during the “amnesty period.” Knives turned in by violent criminals is reported to be in the zeros. So any Englishter in Lancashire will no longer be allowed to be in possession of a knife. Or testicles. Perhaps the Lancashire Mayor can be scheduled to bring a knife to their houses and help citizens cut their tea and crumpets. Bwahahaha!

    Not content to ban guns and knives, Lancashire Police are after other items that could be used to kill. They will shortly begin these programs:

    • You’ll never smother anyone to kill-o, Turn in your dangerous pillow!
    • Don’t attack anyone who’s fat, time to surrender your cricket bat!
    • Don’t give an art lover head trauma, give the police your painting of the Dalai Lama!
    • Don’t want harm to come to your body? Turn in that Muslim jihadi!
    • Don’t be a dork! We know you want to stab someone with your fork!
    • Help us with the “Things That Kill” ban, go ahead and cut off your hand!

    As you can see, England is serious about getting rid of everything that kills. Muslims and criminals excepted. Of course, none of those groups will surrender any weapons but the Muslim Council has volunteered to help chop off the hands of infidels.

    Since 90% of crimes in Englandistan results from male perpetrators, English authorities are studying the possibility of castrating all males in the country. Ooops. Too late!

    To help our wussified cousins across the pond, AWD thought we might post photo and recommendations of the knives the Dudes and Dudettes at AWD carry. AWD has probably a dozen I have bought over the years but have lately retired a Spyderco Navigator and gone to this CRKT Ken Onion-designed Ripple as my carry knife and money clip. And you know my pockets be fat with all dat money!

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    The CRKT is bigger than my Spyderco and took a week or two to get used to but I love the balance and how easily the blade flips out. Especially every time I run into an Englishter! I’ve tried a few others in the collection but keep coming back to the CRKT. Got it off of Woot at a huge discount.

    Note: The Spyderco broke after years of use. I returned it to be fixed by Spyderco which guarantees lifetime service. They said they could not fix it since they no longer made the Navigator in that style. But since they couldn’t fix it, they offered me a HUGE 10% discount off of their retail price for any other Spyderco! Hey Spyderco, thanks for nothing! I can do better than that on the internet! Bought my last Spyderco!

    What are y’all carrying? Our Englishter cousins can still dream about owning guns, knives and balls, can’t they?

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