No-no-no-no-no-no-no noooo!

AWD aka The Big Sexy aka The Hog Whisperer is getting ready to head into the woods to do battle with legions of hog invaders! We will go mano a mano in the ongoing battle of good vs evil. AWD is the “good” if any of y’all were wondering! Well, we won’t really be going mano a mano. Pigs don’t have manos! But AWD does have a tricked out AR with a night vision scope perched on top fully prepared to give a little fat piggy a .223 caliber headache. If successful, AWD will throw that sucker on the smoker tomorrow! Y’all are all invited!

AWD has received more nasty-grams over the Eddie Money Geico commercial post than I have from any other post in the five years of this blog. I didn’t really think there were THAT many Eddie Money fans. But dayum! They have whooped my ass harder than Bill Clinton on a trailer-park queen! So, just to stir up some mess, I’m reposting it. Maybe Eddie will weigh in himself!

Have you seen the Eddie Money Geico commercial? He owns a travel agency and the family wants tickets for a vacation. He can only sing his song “Two Tickets To Paradise.” If you can call that singing! Holy mother of crack pipes! What the hell was that! This is one of the most painful commercials to watch in the history of painful commercials! It took me a few weeks to recover from the shock after seeing Eddie Money in this:

Maybe Eddie has turned into a Muslim and wants to go to Paradise to get his 72 singing lessons. Or 72 doobies. Maybe he’s trying to melt our infidel faces with his putrid singing. I’d rather have two tickets to Detroilet than two to Paradise if I have to listen to Eddie Money sing anyore!

When AWD first saw this spot, I thought it featured Laverne from Laverne and Shirley….after being on a three week drunk! I thought, damn, that Laverne sure is looking bad these days. And why is she singing an Eddie Money song? Than it hit me….great googly moogly! That sumbitch ain’t Laverne, it’s Eddie Money! He looks worse than Penny Marshall! If that’s even possible!

I’ve seen and heard passed-out drunks singing karaoke better than Eddie in this commercial singing his own damn song! “Pack-ur bags and deeve anight.” This commercial sure makes me want to pack up my bags and put them in the Volkswagen microbus and follow the Eddie Money Rehab tour across the country. I could see all the bowling alleys I’ve always longed to see!

Disclaimer. After seeing this commercial a few times and recovering from the shock, I looked up Eddie Money to see if he had a stroke or was mentally retarded or something. I obviously didn’t want to criticize him if he had some medical or mental problem. But nope. He’s as fit as Michael Moore! Reports say Eddie ate a lot of drugs over the years and that’s why he looks like a severely drunk and retarded Penny Marshall. And sings worse!

Geico, have you no decency? Did you not realize Eddie Money looks like an old, drunk Penny Marshall and scares children before airing this commercial? And what about the American people? We’ve suffered through that little Englishter lizard bastid for three or four generations now. Then you have a politically correct pig flying on a plane. Now you hit us with this? Haven’t we suffered enough, Geico?

To top this attack off on the aural and visual senses, the commercial ends with two metrosexuals (translation: homosexuals in a metro) playing bad bluegrass and being gay, goofy, and stupid. Just like all metrosexuals. All this terrorizing of my life by a damn car insurance company! It’s enough to make me go out and buy a minivan and crash into everything like a Chinese driver!

This isn’t really a male-bashing commercial. It’s a crack-smoker/retarded person-bashing commercial. If anyone is interested, you can see Eddie Money on the current Rehab Tour. He’ll be performing August 17th at Chub’s Bait Shack on Lake Texoma. In the back parking lot. Beside the minnow tank.

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