Advertisement

WHEN DO I GET TO TAKE THE DAY OFF AND WEAR A VAGINA ON MY HEAD?

Advertisement

Let me tell y’all one damn thang. These damn women’s marches are beginning to harsh my @#&*! mellow! I’m sick of trudging my ass off to work while ugly lebanese feminists get to take the day off protesting…ummmm…well…oh yeah!…the rights they haven’t lost!

Worse yet, the last women’s march was organized by some Muslim terrorist (redundancy alert) filly wearing one of those damn woman Muslim terrorist diapers on her damn head. Enough to make Jesus cuss.

So tell me one damn thang! When does AWD get to take the day off and wear a damn vagina on my big, sexy melon? Yeah, I know, I know. That sounds a lot like 7 years of college but dammit, I’m old now and could stand to wear some tingly parts on my head every now and then!

And I’m thinking about right now! Sheee-ut! I figured it out and haven’t had a vacation since Christmas when my Angry White Mama was in town for the holidays and to see my young-uns. But how great can a vacation be with your mama hanging around telling you to take that damn vagina off your head?! I rest my case!

No, AWD deserves a real vacation with vaginas and men’s rights. Oh, and guns and knives and flashlights and fire trucks, too. Yeah, yeah. That’s what I deserve. I work too damn hard and get too little time off to enjoy my so-called “disposable income.”

Every day, I’m slugging it out in the bloody trenches in the plumbing fixtures industry! It’s not for cowards nor the faint of heart (or Democrats). That @#*&, @#*&ing new Kohler sales rep is causing me to lose my @#*& religion! I foresee a meeting between his ass and some East Texas pigs if he doesn’t give me back that shelf space he stole from me in the Keller, Texas Home Depot last month! Word to the wise, you cheese-eating sumbitch! You hear me, Mister @#&* Kohler “Salesman Of The Month” Hotshot?! You won’t be the first competitor to end up as pig shit!

So AWD made a big ol’ decision yesterday! My big, sexy ass is going back to Sturgis this August for the big ol’ 2017 hoe down. And when I say “hoe down,” I ain’t shitting you. And you better believe I’m going to be wearing a vagina on my damn head. Most days. You know, to protest for women’s rights. Bwahahahahaha!

So if any of y’all goat ropers have a Harley and are going to Sturgis this year, send me a note. We can have the 2017 Dude-A-Palooza in the Black Hills of South Dakota. With vaginas, too! PLEASE, for the love of Allah, don’t show up in Sturgis riding a @#*& Kawasaki wanting to hang with the Big Sexy on his Ultra Limited! I’ll drop you faster than Michael Moore and a spinach sammich. But, if you ride a real bike, you’re welcome to hook up with AWD for a week of fun and debauchery.

Oh, and I’ll be easy to find. I’ll be the guy with the vagina on my head. For women’s rights, you understand. Bwahahahaha!

Advertisement

Related Posts