Half Bakery: For-Profit Prepping Communes


Homer Simpson

Genius at work.

Anyone ever check out the site The idea is you have a half-baked idea and you throw it up there for others to flesh out (or shoot down if it sucks). So let me throw out a very half-baked idea to the crew and see how much mockery I can withstand. (Maybe this will be a new series as I’ve kind of petered out on stuff that grinds my gears…)

Idea: For-profit prepping communes.

Details: Some people may wish to be prepared for a SHTF scenario but may not be able to adequately do the prep work themselves. There are a number of constraints that might prohibit someone from adequately prepping: lack of space (think NYC), lack of know-how, too busy, etc. Add to this that there is strength in numbers, and that a commune of preppers would be far more desirable than trying to survive on one’s own. Enter the for-profit prepping commune.

Basically, it’s priced like an insurance policy—annual or monthly contract fees buy you a spot on the commune. The commune is entirely self-sufficient and well defended: off-the-grid energy sources, gardens, water towers, housing, fortifications, weapons, etc. It is staffed by “professional preppers”—i.e., those with long-term survival skills in the harshest of conditions, craftsmen, chefs, medicals, etc.

You may use the facilities any time you wish, including dining there (as food will have to be rotated, and thus either served to members or thrown out). And in the event of an emergency, you are welcome to stay there as long as you like.

But wait—there’s more!

For an additional monthly/annual fee, the commune also offers extraction services. Say you live in, ahem, Brooklyn, but the commune’s in upstate New York. The entire city is in shambles and you can’t possibly get through three boroughs of anarchy with the family. What do you do? Well, good thing you signed up for the Prepper’s Commune Extraction Service. Boasting armored vehicles and choppers, there’s no place they can’t get to to get you and your loved ones out of harm’s way and back to the commune, lickety-split.

Two obvious hurdles jump to mind when contemplating this idea: One, to get this off the ground would require massive capital outlays. Someone would need to have access to someone with some serious money to ever make this happen. Two, how freaking expensive would this be? Would anyone be willing to pay that much?

I’m sure there’s a ton more problems with the idea, but I have to work and my brain has the dumb, and so I entrust the peanut gallery to get busy.


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